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Original poster

Sleep: what would you do differently with second child

26 replies

Cbell · 28/03/2013 18:50

So we're anticipating the birth of our second child this Summer and have started thinking about the sleep issue. It really was an issue for DD (2 years).

I'm wondering what lessons you've learnt what you'd do again

For us we had a bedtime routine from 6 weeks that included me BF to sleep then putting her down in a Moses basket in our room. Meant we had an hour by ourselves.

Honestly after that it kind of went to pot and I can't remember how the hell we got through it. There was a lot of bed/ room hoping throughout the night.

So what did you learn?

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KatAndKit · 28/03/2013 18:57

If I had another I'd just chill the fuck out a bit about sleep and have more realistic expectations rather than expecting a young baby to start sleeping through. Once you know what is normal for babies, then you can adapt to deal with that.

HelloBear · 28/03/2013 19:09

My 2nd is 5 months. I intended to so it all differently the 2nd time round as DD is a nightmare. However DS has bad eczema and scratches all the time so sleep is an issue.

So my tip, change things you think might help but remember you can't control everything. I'm finding the sleep deprivation a killer but I keep reminding myself...this will pass (and one day I will have an undesterbed nights sleep though suspect it will be when they leave home sob

HelloBear · 28/03/2013 19:10

Sorry mo help at all!!!!

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LadyWidmerpool · 28/03/2013 19:14

I would get a sidecar cot.

LadyWidmerpool · 28/03/2013 19:16

And a really comfy bouncer.

Nevercan · 28/03/2013 19:46

Try to avoid rocking them or letting them sleep on you. Just lay them down to sleep if you can....

Original poster

Cbell · 28/03/2013 19:50

So far we've considered buying a super-king-size-massive-bed so we can co sleep. However we live in a small house so might no even fit it in the door.

My daughter never stayed in her side cot, she had to be next to me to sleep.

I'd like to be more chilled out but I'm so anxious about being sleep deprived with a newborn and having a toddler to look after. Can only imagine it's worse second time around.

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Bumbolina · 28/03/2013 19:53

Exactly what KatandKit said...

I'm also expecting my second, our first (21 months) still wakes around 3-4 times a night. It's just who she is - and as a breastfed on demand baby - completely and utterly normal.

I would remember that each period of truly truly awful sleep would be got through, and that it wouldn't last forever.

Bumbolina · 28/03/2013 19:54

Nevercan... what is the fun in having a baby that you can't snuggle and cuddle while they sleep?? I'd rather get all the cuddles and have no sleep personally

MortifiedAdams · 28/03/2013 19:59

Tbh Id do exactly the same next time.round as long as the next dc was amenable.

minipie · 28/03/2013 20:26

I'd definitely try to let them self settle as much as possible. and I'd use the pram to ensure they got enough naps in the day and weren't overtired at night.

chickensaladagain · 28/03/2013 20:28

if I had another I would co sleep

lost count of the numer of nights I spent pacing the floor trying to put down a baby that did not want to be put down

would have been so much easier to co sleep but I didn't research it enough and was scared safety wise

mamacoffee · 28/03/2013 20:39

With dc2 o decided to co sleep from birth. Best choice I made. I inward ly smile smugly when ppl say to me, oh tge lack of sleep with a newborn, bc dd is nearly 10mo now and honesty I have had a handful of nights like that. The rest have been blissfully filled with sleep. ..:)

CPtart · 28/03/2013 21:07

Probably not much. Always same routine, bath, milk, put down to sleep drowsy in Moses basket in our room for several weeks then cot in own room. Minimal interaction at night, never ever bring into our bed -even when unwell, and weetabix for supper when old enough. Cot to bed at twenty months ish. Blackout blinds, lots of teddies/comforts.

Sounds quite harsh maybe but night time was the only break as parents we ever got.

Both DC excellent sleepers but I'm sure there's a large element of luck involved too!

Babybeesmama · 28/03/2013 21:10

My second has been a terrible sleeper (first slept through at 11 weeks!) despite doing all the same things! At 6 months things are settling down (ish) I think they are all different, just include baby 2 into dc1's bathtime/bedtime routine & don't worry too much. Our dc2 started going down at 7pm between 4-5 months, didn't worry before then what time he went to bed. Enjoy xx

Babybeesmama · 28/03/2013 21:13

Oh yes and I def second what others have said about chilling out (I think a lot of it is beyond our control) & I wish I'd bought a bedside cot (troll or baby bay or something) & I personally wish I'd got DH giving a nighttime bottle early to give me a break as I found ebf hard as he did it every 2 hours day & night! X

AmandaPayntedEgg · 28/03/2013 21:13

My second was a worse sleeper than my first. But I was less tired.

I was less tired because I gave up on all the frankly shite if it doesn't happen to suit your child advice about not feeding to sleep, not in your bed, blah de blah. Great if it suits your child. If it suits your child you will know fast and it will be delightful. If it doesn't, it puts you through hell and hours on end in a fucking freezing bedroom in the middle of the night stroking and patting.

Second time round I co-slept, fed back to sleep, etc, etc. It was all far more survivable and each waking was much shorter.

Also, I night weaned DD1 aroudn 8 months because I was told it would improve her sleep. Like bollocks did it. It broke the 'feed to sleep' association all right, but for another three months she still woke numerous times a night and was up for at least two hours at least once a night. Didn't do that again I can tell you.

I know which route I'll follow if we ever go for no. 3!

TheYamiOfYolk · 28/03/2013 21:16

With my second baby, I worried less because I knew he would sleep just fine in the end, and asked for help more so that I would have the energy to cope with the sleepless nights.

PoppyWearer · 28/03/2013 21:19

I'm also a lot more chilled second time around. Have stopped reading the books and analysing everything and have just accepted that we're going to have crap sleep for years a short while and then this too shall pass.

This time I am also wide enough to know that DH will be more help to me the next day if he gets a good night of sleep. So I am taking the hit at nights and going into DC2's room when needed, rather than bringing DC2 in with us.

DC2 is now 19mo and I'm still waiting for the little angel to start sleeping through...but then I also know enough this time around to know that something gut-related is bothering him at nights and am seeking medical help for him.

In the meantime I am trying to stay relaxed about it and enjoy the snuggly co-sleeping cuddles which are adorable. My DC1 is 4yo and hardly cuddles me at all these days.

Catchingmockingbirds · 28/03/2013 21:21

My first has always been a dream to get to sleep, I'm praying that this one (due in 8 wks) will be the same but knowing my luck she'll probably be a nightmare!

AmandaPayntedEgg · 28/03/2013 21:23

Great typo Poppy. I'm wide enough after two too!

RubyrooUK · 28/03/2013 21:26

I've got DS1 who took a year and a half to sleep more than 2 hours. He actually never slept more than 45 minutes for most of the time. He is now two and a half and still wakes up most nights. Multiple times. (But compared to the early days, it seems so much better so we don't even view it as an issue.)

DS2 is two weeks old and has slept for much longer periods than DS1 ever did already. Hopefully this will continue. But this time I am going to follow the same pattern as other people on this thread and just relax. Anything I get sleep-wise that is better than 45 minutes is a bonus and comes as a massive surprise.

Bearcrumble · 29/03/2013 07:31

I co slept from day 1 with dc2. She slept very well for the first 4 months then took after her big brother by wanting to feed ALL night. She's nearly 1 now. I am very tired. I will not do sleep training though as I regret doing cc at 9 months with ds.

Beatrixpotty · 29/03/2013 09:11

Well,for a start I winded them after breast feeding..a midwife told me I didn't need to and I couldn't work out why they woke up screaming after settling for 5 minutes.With DS2 ,& now with DS3,I am putting them by my bed in the Moses basket at 8.30/9and going to bed myself instead of keeping them downstairs with us until 11 so they get used to an earlier bedtime.Bit antisocial of me as don't see much of DH in the evening but keeps me sane.

Zoidberg · 30/03/2013 20:47

If I did it again I'd have left the double bed in DD's room (from when it was our spare room) and slept in there with her with trips to DP in our bed as and when, gradually moving to leaving her in there for half the night until whenever she could handle being alone (nearly 4, as it turned out). We did mostly cosleep but because we kept trying cot, bed, whatever for heri her room half the nigth, DP ended up on a futon in the living room for 2 years which was hard.

Or go for one big mattress/futon for all in the bedroom plus smaller mattress next to it for DC1. This would be great if DP okay with the quiet BF wakings, which mine was not- v light sleeper.

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