AIBU - husband left 3.5yr old home alone for 10 minutes

[somadaboutthis]

I am so upset. I was working today, our nanny was sick and my husband stayed at home to look after our 3.5yr old twins. They had pre-school in the morning which is just at the end of our road. One of our daughters was sick so she couldn't go. I found out tonight ( from my sick daughter) that husband had left her in the bathroom home alone while he dropped other daughter off at pre-school. She said she was ok and that she sang the 'I'm all alone song' to herself while Daddy was gone. My heart broke. Husband is out at moment. I am SO ANGRY. Why would he do this? He knows how strongly I feel about young children being left alone ( although he seems to think this just some hysterical over protectiveness of mine). He told me when they were babies that he thought it was fine to go to the local shops when they were having a nap at home! He thinks the risks of anything happening are quite low. Maybe true but why take that risk? What if she had choked on her vomit, fallen down stairs, tried to get out house to look for him? She was obviously scared. I thought he was a great Dad but now I don't know how I can trust him to look after them. AIBU to be so upset and angry about this?

Tbh, I wouldn't rant.

I'd make sure he was never left in charge of the children alone, and tell him why.

That should make the point fairly clearly.

I actually can't believe he left a three year old to (potentially) throw up alone while he left the house.

Also, there's a risk because she was ill with vomiting.

(plus the fact no child likes vomiting alone. I remember being quite scared by it til I was much older than that)!

marquesas - I haven' spoken to him as he is out tonight and not home until late. I really don't think she made it up. Mainly because he emailed me today and said he didn't know what to do about pick up as sick daughter was in bed and he didn't want to get her up and he " supposed that I wouldn't want her left alone". I said of course not. I called another pre-school Mum and arranged for her to pick up daughter. But seems he had already done the leaving home alone in the morning. She told me this totally unprompted. I don't believe she'd lie.
Zippey - I could explain rationally but I actually don't think he'd agree with me. We've had similar conversations in past. He thinks I'm overprotective.

I don't think its walking a fine line really.

There is no way a 3 year old would know what to do in an emergency, or could be guaranteed to keep themselves safe while home alone therefore leaving them puts them at risk.

Show him this thread...then he'll know you're not over reacting!

YANBU!!!!

I have a 3.6 year old. No way, no fucking way.

Yes I have a three and a half year old and a six year old and neither could be left atm. Younger dd is the most sensible but it will still be a long time before I can leave either o both to pop to the post box!

YANBU...but check first before you vent at DH. It sounds true but my DS told me very plausible things which turned out to be completely untrue when he was 3.

Overprotective...

Right

marquesas - I haven' spoken to him as he is out tonight and not home until late. I really don't think she made it up. Mainly because he emailed me today and said he didn't know what to do about pick up as sick daughter was in bed and he didn't want to get her up and he " supposed that I wouldn't want her left alone". I said of course not. I called another pre-school Mum and arranged for her to pick up daughter. But seems he had already done the leaving home alone in the morning. She told me this totally unprompted. I don't believe she'd lie.
Zippey - I could explain rationally but I actually don't think he'd agree with me. We've had similar conversations in past. He thinks I'm overprotective.

Simply show him the guidelines Orchardkeeper linked to. To me it shows quite clearly that at 3 she wouldn't be suitable for leaving at home according to their list of what to do (such as leave a number the child can call, make sure they are happy with arrangements etc).

Am really shocked and I am often accused of being very laid back re risk.

Oh your poor DD (and poor you)

I'd be fuming.

Bloody hell.
I'm a really relaxed parent tbh, but 3 and a half!!!
I actually think I would phone a social worker/health visitor to come and see us if my dh did this and didn't think there was anything wrong in it

Over protective

I hate that phrase - a way of subtly undermining someone when in fact the person saying it is probably far too slack.

I have been wondering when would be suitable? Roughly, obv it depends. Eight or nine?

What planet is he on??? She was sick FFS and the "im all alone song" WTAF is all that about? How does a three year old know an "im all alone song" unless they are frequently left. Do you leave your children in this mans care often OP? Because he sounds incapable - is he not very bright?

I must admit the thought has very fleetingly crossed my mind-it's easy to make a case (especially when it's a sick one year old safe in cot, can't go anywhere, and you're only going to be out for one min, prob won't even wake...)

But what about a fire? Choking? Gas leak? I always think of poor maddy McCann and think her parents must've gone through the same thought process but plumped for the wrong option.

My overriding thought which stops me everytime is how would I explain it to people-my husband, the police etc? if the reaction you get isn't likely to be "you were just unlucky, we all do it" then it's a good rule of thumb for most parenting decisions not to do it!

Tell your Dh he got away with it this time but you must get him to see the seriousness (or else what next?)

If you make sure he has no sole childcare responsibility, it doesn't matter if he agrees with you or not. Take his 'opinions' out of the equation.

I'm sorry for your dd, and for you. What a crappy position to put you in.

If he doesn't understand how serious it is then show him that website I linked (or any others...there are plenty as I just discovered) & maybe this thread!

To be honest if he really did do that then I would not even risk it a second time...which is a horrible thing to have to deal with, especially if he's a good dad, as you've said before.

No, he shouldn't have done it. But the best way to deal with this is to calmly explain why it was a bad idea, mainly because of the vomiting. All this hysterical 'You can never trust him again' will not help the situation.

I have 3.5 twins, and don't like leaving them for five minutes alone when I am in a different room, let alone leave them in the house. I would be furious if my dh did that. anything could have happened. I'm angry for you!

Just asked DH if he'd consider leaving DD (age 4) by herself.

He's more laid back than me mostly, so I wondered what his take on it would be.
His reaction was 'No way in a million years would I leave her on her own in the house - I don't know what age I would do it, but not yet.'

I'd be angry as hell too.

Re the song - she often makes songs up on the spot about situations that are happening - so I don't think it's a specific song that she uses all the time in these situations ( I hope)
He looks after them regularly as I work long hours ( although part-time). I have to go away for the week with work next week and he is in sole charge ( with help of nanny one day, nursery one day)
I'm thinking of cancelling

Three and a half years old?! For ten minutes?!

And she was ill?

What if she'd become worse whilst he was out?
What if he'd been injured or waylaid?
What if she'd turned on the hot tap and burned her self?
Choked on sick?
Tried to follow him and gotten lost?
Fallen down the stairs?
Gone to the kitchen and turned on the gas?
Opened the door to a stranger?

Sure,the risks of all these things alone are relatively small,but all together?
The risks of one of the hundreds of awful things that could have happened actually happening,well,they aren't small.
It's illegal to leave small children alone for a reason.

Not to mention the 'risk' of her being ill,alone,and frightened.

If my DP had taken that risk with our child...well...I don't need to say really do I.