Does anyone feel that others lie about how hard parenting is?

[superstarheartbreaker]

DD is the best thing that ever happened to me but I am always honest about how hard I find parenting; the lack of sleep, the mess, the power struggles and missing my old life. All of this does not mean I love her any less. I guess most people just get on with it rather than moaning about it like me! I guess I feel guilty for missing my old life at times but at the same time I wouldn't swap my life for anything in the world! Hope this makes sense? I find it confusing.

Hi everyone; was not expecting such a big response. My dd was quite an 'easy' baby but I still find it hard tbh. Toddlerhood etc is NOT easy even though she is very cute.

I just think I am not a 'natural' mum. I'm far too self absorbed!

Oh good God yes! My son is 3 years old & I am finding him incredibly difficult. I'm a caring person, but not a natural mother. I get incredibly frustrated and stressed with him & am trying desperately to be a chilled out mummy. Every day I wake up & think "today is a new day. Must try harder."

I remember in the early days people congratulating me & asking how it felt to be a mum. Well I felt utterly petrified. No mad rush of love when he was born, only shock and fear! Slowly the love crept up on me.

It is the fact that parenting is so relentless & that I rarely get a break that I can't handle. Sometimes the enormity of being a parent hits me, and and I am terrified.

I fucking love the little bugger like mad, but I never thought he would be able to make me so bloody angry. I'm hoping the teenage years will be a breeze!

I think that too. I just like time on my own. I love working. Maybe I'm too selfish. Once you've had them it's too late to do much about it!

Mine have NEVER slept through so I've had over ten years of disturbed nights. When I separated from my husband the silver lining was that I would FINALLY get an undisturbed nights sleep!

I feel the same as you - I love my daughter and would never be without her but this is the least happy I have ever been. I feel anxious and completely out of my depth all the time and I resent dh for still having a life of his own. I never used to be such a nervous bitter person and I don't recognise myself anymore - the things that come out of my mouth make me cringe. Yet I can never admit to how I feel because I am literally surrounded by mums who love motherhood, have loads of kids and always seem chirpy and relaxed. They tell me I should have more children but the thought of it sends me into blind panic. I want to look after my dd and share all her little moments and developments but at the same time I feel guilty that I would love to just go back in time for one day and have one more day in my old life, bantering with my work colleagues and doing what I loved and was good at - I never realised then just how happy I was. I could never say this to anyone though as they might think I don't want dd when nothing could be further from the truth.

people get too obsessed with "natural mothers"

its all a myth, dont fall for it girls!

I will hopefully let you all know whether going back to work FT makes me a happier parent. Seems worth a try, at this point.

I once had a brutally honest conversation with friends about horrible violence our DC have done to each other. I'm not sure what brought it on, but a most cathartic confessional all round. I always viewed (still view) the other family's children as incredibly good tempered and helpful to each other, too. Was such a candid outpouring, I wonder what else we never say to each other.

Yes, its relentless. They don't tell you this at nct....

Yep,it's hard work and I think it's only normal to sometimes lament about your life before kids. I don't think it makes you a bad mum or love them any less, just that you are honest about your feelings. Far better that then bottling it all up until one day you explode.

My older brother told me bringing up kids was relentless and he wasn't wrong. I'm having a really tough week with a poorly toddler and a hubby that works offshore. But, life is good really. I'd like a nanny and a cleaner for Mother's Day....hmmm, I can dream...

I don't miss the way things were before. I love having a toddler. I am very tired though, and it is very hard. We are having another in August and I am dreading the first 6 months. Little babies that don't do anything are squidgy and smell nice but so much work. And so so tiring. I'm quite looking forward to late 2014 when we'll have a toddler and a preschooler.

I'm not a baby person it seems. They are much morw manageable when they are a bit more articulate. I don't even mind the arguing/tantrums.

I think it totally depends on lots of variables - how easy the child is, how difficult your pre DC life was, how much support you get from DH/family and how much help you can afford
I have been very lucky and have two really good sleepers (twins) who have sleep through from about 3 months old and still do now at 16 months. Although DH is never really around during the week and we have no family nearby, we can afford some paid help, and I also had a very stressful job before I had DCs so to be honest I found maternity leave a doddle. I'm back at work part time but still view my non working days as easier than work.

I'm under no illusions though that we are lucky and that others have it much harder, and I tend to keep my mouth shut when others talk about problems as don't want to sound smug.

I think that people told me parenting was hard, but I don't think that I believed them, everyone has kids, how hard can it be? I don't think that you really understand it until you have them and the its too late isn't it. There really aren't any other decisions you make in life that are as irreversible as having children.

Sometimes I feel very trapped and wonder if I've made the right choice. I find that I live so much in the moment with the children, when its going well its bliss, those summer days in the park when they're playing nicely and laughing. When you've been up every night for months and its been raining for a week and the house is a mess, you need to create ANOTHER meal the washing basket is overflowing, there's too much month left at the end of the money. Grim.

Targaryen, my dd was recently in casts on both feet for 6 weeks, it was exhausting, you must be totally knackered.

I am wonderstuff but I'm sort of used to it in a weird way. I try to think of it as having a toddler who turns into a bubba again at night!

It's only at it's hardest when he has them adjusted though/ when people expect me to have more energy & don't quite get just how little I sleep.

But I'm so lucky besides that & try to focus on just that

Agree that you have NO idea until you've had your DC just how hard/wonderful/expensive/euphoric/life changing etc they're going to be!

(I also felt trapped at first and occasionally feel that way again but then look at my mum, who had us young and is now 'living it up' aged 40...it's swings and roundabouts I guess)

superstarheartbreaker I feel exactly the same. Exactly! And yes I think people must lie about it - either that or they cut massive corners and don't bother doing half the things I do OR I'm a really rubbish Mummy (which I'm fairly sure I'm not).

Now I'll go back and read what everyone else has said - I had to respond to this immediately!!!

wonderstuff shall we both post whingy FB updates . It is easier in the summer isn't it, my dc's play in the garden until bedtime so I'm not falling over the little beasts constantly.

We have some lovely moments. But I'm an introvert at heart so the relentless of being a LP and not having someone to chat to at weekends can be gruelling.

As I type my 4yo is sitting on the bottom stair watching the TV (I'm watching something I taped about meteors) thinking I don't know she's there . I've lost the will to send her back upstairs.

I started out as a lp and my new dp has two of his own. One 3 and the other a bit older. I think this has emphsised my own feelings of ineptitude. He is a wonderful dad and has his kids over three nights a week. His ex obviously trusts him. He says he would like to see them more and seems to enjoy every minute. I on the other hand wich I could get more of a break once in a while. he has asked me if I want more kids and I have said that I am open to the idea (although not for a while) but teh thought terrifies me. The thought of taking on his kids scares me enough but I can't get rid of such a wonderful man. His kids are great but I just feel like a shite mum for not enjoying it all as much as he seems to.

I think I'm lucky with my friends, they seem an honest lot. None of them went to town on telling me how tough it was when I was pregnant (no-one needs the truth at that stage!), but since having my DS we all swap stories about how tough it is.

DS is not a difficult baby - he has only had a handful of terrible nights etc - but I find quite a bit of motherhood very hard. I'm always honest with other mums about that. The monotony and loneliness are the worst bits for me.

He's still the best thing that's ever happened to me though.

OP I know what you mean. I only have one DS(3) and I have found motherhood difficult from the start. I love my DS unconditionally but he is hard work. He was a bad sleeper until he was at least 2.5 and he still gets up pre 6am most mornings.
Two of my friends have had 3 DC in the same time I have had DS. One has twins under 6 months. I am certain that they are having a hard time of it but they don't complain. Instead they seem to relish their DC being babies. I admire them but I know I couldn't do it nor do I want to.

Have got 3YO triplets whom I absolutely love to death, but they really are hard.
I do find it really hard to admit that because as soon as I mention that I have triplets, the first thing I get bombarded with is 'Oh gosh, how do you cope ' and my natural reaction is to just say 'Ohhh, it's fine; it's really not as hard as it sounds!' But it is. It is as hard as it sounds. I'm naturally a stubborn person, and hate people thinking that I can't 'cope' - so would rarely admit to anyone (who isn't a close friend or family) that it can be hard. Now that DTrips are older, it's obviously far easier than having 3 tantrumming 2YO's, or screaming poorly 9MO's.
When my DTrips were born, we had a only-just-2YO, and only-just-3YO aswell, and I did suffer from PND; maybe because I couldn't admit that I was finding it tricky?
So yes OP, I do lie about how hard parenting is :)

Triplets; wow! I find one hard enough!

I think some people DO find it easy. I've a friend who has one easy daughter. I have two children who fight all the time. They are both spirited and that is putting it mildly. They challenge me, they bicker, they take a long time to accept the answer is no. For ten years I've been thinhking 'soon they'll realise that when I say no I mean no' but they have yet to accept that I won't change my mind. Sometimes, I might, if they shut up for a moment, say .. oh, alright then, but they just don't give me space to breath or think.