My tutor doesn't like me :(

[BubblegumPie]

I feel really stupid and immature posting this, but it's starting to get to me.

I'm doing a social sciences degree, I'm in my second year and I'm doing really well, mostly firsts. I'm very proud of what I have achieved so far and I enjoy the course.

However one of the tutors really seems to dislike me. I am usually one of the more vocal students in seminars and while this doesn't seem to bother other students, it really appears to irritate her. I also challenge things I don't agree with (politely!) such as in a sociology lecture challenging stereotypes etc she had shown us a picture of a facially disfigured man and said that if any of the class saw him in rl we would cross the road to avoid him, and I'd challenged it (seriously though what kind of nasty bastard would?!).

I'm getting sick of constant snide comments and eye rolling, but I don't really feel I have any power to do anything about it. I can't go to her because she'd just deny it and I can't go to other lecturers or anyone higher because it's a v small uni and she would know it was me.

Someone cheer me up?

This reminds me of a tutor from my uni days, who once made me get up and teach the seminar because I was the only person answering questions - all the other students were half asleep! So why victimise me?!

And fwiw, she sounds very nasty re the facial disfigurrment example. I don't know anyone who would fross the road. Ridiculous assumption.

Perhsps you should just try to be as irritating as possible to make her life a little less tolerable. Then smile sweetly and say "thanks so much!" at the end of every seminar.

perhaps everyone else finds your irritating too

i am at uni and sometimes i would like to hear what the lecturer has to say rather than my fellow students

Maybe germy, but they are all nice to me and a few have actually said that she's unfairly snipey with me. And I have had a few times where people have come up to ask if I'm ok after she's said something! (Neither example is restricted to my closest friends)

I don't mean that i interrupt all the time, but if she says so what do you think about blah blah, I'll usually be one of the ones to answer first. I am conscious that this could irritate other students so I try not to answer all the time, but quite often no one else will answer so I don't see why I shouldn't if no one else is.

I don't know, maybe I am just really annoying and I'm in denial about it!
This is starting to get me down though, I find it easier to concentrate and understand if I get involved with seminars and I don't see why I should have to stop that and let my grades suffer just because the lecturer has taken a dislike to me.

do you have a course leader you could talk to about this? or a student rep?

Yes, but the tutors share an office and are close friends and no matter who I spoke to it would get back to the tutor, and she would know it was me who complained.

It's rubbish really, I can't do anything official about it. I might just take Flats' idea and just try my best to be even more irritating.

don't do that! what do your classmates think?

I think they think I'm not that bothered.

Once she'd made a snipey comment about it not being the bubblegum show or something , and a couple of people came up to me after the class to say they thought she was being a cow and to ask if I was ok. I told them it was fine and I don't really care what she thinks, but I do!

I want her to like me nobody wants to be around someone every day who obviously dislikes them do they?

You sound fairly confident, maybe you could call her on it eg 'I'm sorry you seem to dislike me contributing, would you prefer that I answer less questions?'

She'd probably say yes please though Merci!

I've experienced similar to this and found the only solution that seemed to work was to ration the number of answers I gave per lecture and seminar...

And if that means that some questions go unanswered then so be it... your quality of learning is not diminished by this - I write down the answer instead of vocalising it and any other thoughts or things to read up on later!

Lecturers can get past the reluctance to speak by others in a variety of ways and by you answering a lot you are reducing the lecturer and the other students opportunities... whether they take them is not your concern.

If you want to stop the eye rolling and snidey comments then you can - by not answering so much... and remember that it's not possible for everybody to like you so don't fret about this one person.

Thanks stop I'll give it a go, I've never thought of writing it down instead, it's quite obvious when you think about it!