How do you explain to kids that certain things are girl / boy things?

[BabyRuSh]

Sorry if its a dumb question. We were picking out shoes for ds recently (2y) and he kept pointing at pink ballet pump shoes in the catalogues. I didn't know how to say that those designs were for girls. Is there a nice way to explain this?? I have no issue with him playing with pink toys as i believe toys are gender neutral, and am a bit stumped as to how I explain that he can't wear certain things because he's a boy!

I'm not sure I get the gay thing here. None of my male gay friends wear female clothes or go out in female shoes? In fact most of them wear very masculine clothes. The issue is not to do with gayness is it? I'm certainly not remotely homophobic - and yet - shock and horror - I do mildly conform to what boys and girls wear (as do my gay friends it seems)!!

And also, the OP didn't say she didn't want her DS wearing pink - pink looks great on boys and men - both my husband and my DS wear pink. I don't think pink is the issue - it was 'girls' ballet shoes.

Maybe I live in a very unenlightened area - and have only ever travelled to very unenlightened areas - because I've never actually seen a little boy walking around the streets wearing 'girl's' shoes. We have a resident transvestite wear we live - who cycles around wearing make-up, mini skirts and stilettos - and he has a girlfriend apparently. Wanting to wear female clothes is not a gay/straight thing.

Exactly Ledkr!!

I don't think a two year old will think he's changing the world for the good of all.

I don't think it will change any bigots viewpoints to send him out in pink ballet pumps.

But I do think that the possible result could be a very upset little boy learning the very hard lesson,very early,that the world is not the rosy place he thinks it is,where everyone wants to be friends.

Let him wear what he wants at home.Let him wear pink in public.

But don't let him go out in stuff you know will challenge the gender stereotypes to the point that there could be a scene in front of him.

Channel that strength of feeling into taking action as an adult towards changing these dinosaur attitudes.

I strongly oppose the suggestion that I am a close-minded bigoted neanderthal because I dress my boy in 'boy's' clothes... I'm a senior editor at a left-wing Sunday broadsheet, and am constantly putting out stories related to bigotry (and quite frankly FAR greater world evils than 'gender stereotyping through clothing' - such as the slaughter of children in Syria, or the subjugation of women in the Middle East, the hounding of homosexuals in Iran, or starvation and poverty in Africa).

Looking female - sadly, we still have breasts...perhaps we can hope those disappear through evolution - or looking male (curse that bodily hair and straight hips), is natural for both humans and animals. Those who think it's not will have to take their soapbox to every corner of the globe, to tribes in the remotest jungles and the furthest deserts, and tell them how awful and bigoted they are that their men wear one thing and their women another.

Personally I think it'll be quite a sad day when everyone looks exactly the same.

If you're going to be so PC about it- gay men do not wear pink anymore than straight men. You are confusing gay with transvestite and the two are not the same, plenty of transvestite men are straight. (this is not directed at the OP)

And being a transvestite does not mean you wear pink either.

As someone who dressed her toddler son in pink jeans in the 80s, and got some funny looks then, I can tell you, I would still not have bought girls shoes for him. Why? Because as girls shoes they are probably a narrower fit and would not fit his chubby little feet.

As for my gay brother- he would not be seen dead in pink or anything feminine, but he did have a penchant for washing machines and dish washers.

But, OP, I wouldn't have bought them either, saying no they're not practical is enough, especially at 2.

I've got 2 younger brothers, one was obsessed with trains and diggers as a toddler, he's gay, although still doesn't have a camp bone in his body. The younger one loved dressing up in fairy outfits and had a doll he took everywhere, still pretty camp as an adult but into girls a bit too much IMO

I try to avoid it but it appears that someone else, probably either MIL or one of her interfering friends, has managed to put the idea into DS1's head already.

I wouldn't let him have pink ballet pumps though - totally impractical. I wouldn't let him have any colour ballet pumps, they're awful "shoes"!

He had red canvas shoes from Jojomamanbebe when he was smaller.

I love the pic that goes around FB every now and then about how to tell whether a toy is for boys or girls - does it require a penis to operate it? Yes = boys' toy; No = toy for boys AND girls.

Where on earth do some of you people live where a toddler would be publicly mocked for wearing pink shoes??? The mind boggles.

I've worked in a nursery and believe me loads of boys came in girls clothes and girls came in boys clothes - it really isn't an issue for under 5s unless adults try to make it into an issue.

it really isn't an issue, it really isn't
the world has gone mad

When ds1 was about four, he begged me for some red sequinned baseball shoes, that I refused to let him have on the grounds they are "not sensible"

My lovely little boy is now ten, and he can't get red sequinned baseball boots in his size, and I wish so much that I had just bought them for m! For goodness sake, what's the worse that can happen, they have shiny shoes for a few weeks, that is it.

There is no such thing as clothes for boys and clothes for girls and the only people who think there is are the sort of people I keep my children away from!

www.very.co.uk/kickers-kick-hi-rainbow-toddler-boots---pink/1180789875.prd?aff=google&affsrc=froogle&cm_mmc=froogle--CLOTHING_AND_FOOTWEAR_FOOTWEAR_AND_ACCESSORIES_CHILDRENS_FOOTWEAR_BABY_BRANDED_GIRLS_BOOTS--2CD42-_-Kick_Hi_Rainbow_Toddler_Boots_Pink&istCompanyId=3bdc6c74-7f2d-4594-839e-e5b39b2661fb&istItemId=xtxaraprl&istBid=t

would have few qualms about a 2 year old boy wearing these

but these compare.ebay.co.uk/like/250998832347?var=lv&ltyp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar&adtype=pla&crdt=0 would be a no

I would put any child in the first for day to day wear, but wouldn't be keen on any child wearing the second for day to day wear maybe an older child for occasions but never a toddler, they just would not be good enough support etc for their feet, in my opinion. I can't see many older boys wishing to wear the second and in fact my dd wouldn't either, however if the did I think I would possibly have to support their choices.

I have made a link with gay because none of you who object can give me a reason, other than it 'transgresses societal norms' which I have assume means you fear boy children will catch gay if they wear effeminate clothing.

If I am wrong in that assumption apologies. Please tell me the real reasons.

I do not advocate everyone looking the same. What rot. Not do I assume gay men wear pink. Nor do I confuse being gay with being a transvestite.

All I am saying is that we should be allowed to wear what we like without being told - that is for boys, that is for girls. I think that is ridiculous and pathetic. Tribespeople in the amazon basin can do what they like. Grown women can celebrate their breasts as much as they like.

Surprisingly, I really don't care.

But a little boy being told he can't have something pink and sparkly because he transgresses societal norms? O do fuck off.

By the way I have just got back from walking my dog and there was a grown man jogging in pink shorts. I nearly threw up.i was literally shaking with rage. There were children in that park. God knows what impact it would have had on their ability to conform to societal norms. So i set my dog on him, it was the right thing to do.

Somebody once called social services on a client of mine who practices that no-nappy thing and dresses her son in pink clothes. Unhygienic and inappropriate were the terms used and the woman in question was actually investigated too. I was . Neither of those things are for me and I probably wouldn't buy my son ballet shoes either but others can do as they like.

Unhygenic. Excuse the terrible typing.

What was the outcome of the social services investigation? I don't think there is any problem in investigating after such a complaint but I would hope if her child was not at risk then that would be the outcome.

No child definitely was not at risk and is still with mum.

I find thisreally hard partly because if pink was universally acknowledged as fair game for boys, I would have so many more shopping opportunities that I'd be even more overdrawn than I already am, and probably have twice as many prams.

I do understand the reluctance to dress a boy in 'girl' stuff - if you want a way to explain it, then say that most people see pink as being for girls. But honestly I don't see why it should be this way.

My problem is more about conforming, and not being the 'odd one out' that everyone goes at (believe me I was the little girl who wore the wrong things/played the wrong stuff and got that all the time, and I was lonely)

but I still accept being odd in other respects, and put up with people doingthat face/asking me stuff. I hate it though, being different.

ds3 has a purplish pink hat, that was the only one in his size - he's a baby and people keep saying it's a girl, right? assuming he is a fairly ugly girl. I hate explaining.
ds2 had a dolls buggy for a while. a pink one. he is also being home edded at the moment and this is even worse - I had literally an audience of three or four shocked/interested parents to speak to the other day, I totally didn't want to, they all kind of gathered round Yes I believe in what I am doing but it's not a public service announcement. I don't want to convert folks.

So I can get what the OP means. still - it is sad.

When my daughter was a tiny baby, I went to a craft fair with her. She was dressed in a navy and white striped babygro which had pink patches on it.

Cue several people (aka busybodies) asking if 'it' was a boy or a girl. I smiled sweetly and said, 'a girl, why?'. 'Oh, just that it's confusing when they're dressed like that'. My reply? "Good."

He's 2. Any other comment is superfluous ffs.

At 2, my ds tries my high heel shoes on. He puts on his dad's steel toe cap boots. He thinks dinosaurs are coming and if he hides under blanket they can't get him.

Plenty of time to learn from others about life's prejudices when he's older. For now just enjoy his lovely, lovely innocence.

When I was at soft play with ds last year, another mother told her 3 yo boy not to play with the hoover because it was a girl's toy. My heart broke a little bit, both for the little boy and for society. I felt it my duty to redress this imbalance by buying my ds a hoover and a microwave with plastic food for Christmas.

Ha

I got mine a play house,(second hand) a pretend kitchen and all that. I was going to do it up, but before I had a chance to, they filled the drawers with stones, cooked mud and broke the windows by shooting at it.

is this just a boy thing?

outside - nope, more of a child thing

My 4 yr old son wears bright pink crocs. they were hand-me-downs from his sister. She wears blue crocs handed down from a cousin. I never gave it a thought until a lady in the park told me she thought it was brilliant the way I was subjecting gender expectations with my children's footwear.

I wasn't. I was just saving a few quid.

My DS1 has a mini Henry and a kitchen - he likes to do pretend vacuuming (polystyrene balls are about the only thing the Henry will suck up) and cook food for us - I haven't got him a toy ironing board and iron, because I never do it and he almost never sees Daddy do it but I should really.

We had the discussion about baby dolls and pushchairs, but DS has never shown an interest in either, so I didn't get them for him. DH was typically "No, they're girls' toys" until I pointed out that he looked after our baby and pushed him in the pushchair - was that somehow "girly"? He got the point and said OK but only if it's not pink. Although, tbf, I'd sooner get one in primary colours than pink anyway.
I bought DS a dollshouse, as he'd been playing with my old one at my Dad's - the one I bought was primarily pink, so DS1 and MIL had a fine time "redecorating it" - it still has pink bits but a lot of other colours now as well :)