Would the 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen' book be any use with a 2 year old?

[AmeliaEarhart]

Because I'm getting pretty desperate!

Communication reached an all-time low today. I shouted, I cried, I made stupid threats (toys in the dustbin and the like) and even swore at him , all of which I'm deeply ashamed of. Worst of all, it had zero affect.

I clearly need help. I see this book mentioned here all the time. Has anyone used the advice and strategies with a young toddler (he's 2.3) and did it help?

I haven't read that book yet but it sounds like you are having a hard time... Just wanted to say make sure you have the support you need in RL. Make keeping calm a rule for yourself when you deal with you toddler... Good luck and hoping someone with experience of that book comes along.

Hi Amelia. My two are much older but I had this book when they were toddlers, and I found it helped to unravel some of the mystery of toddlerhood.

I see 2.3 as still a baby tbh. My dd is 2.0 and I wouldn't expect very advanced communication. What are the actual issues? Mine would be touching things she shouldn't , hitting us and not holding hands when out if the buggy so running off. I respond as it happens by stopping her then distracting or sticking with it. If I threw her toys in the bin she probably wouldn't get it and would laugh hysterically.
Go back to basics and don't expect too much.

some of it would work now, more importantly you would be laying the foundations for later on. My children now (7, 5, 4) often use techniques from the book on me without realising it. (the when you...I fell.... because.... phras in particular.)

I think the philosophy of How To Talk might help you a lot, OP. See it as preparation for age 4+.

I found it very helpful. Sometimes using the techniques completely resolves the situation, and when it doesn't work at least I keep my cool and feel a lot better about how I am handling it (rather than just getting shouts and cross). For example, I try the " I can see you are feeling very cross. Is it because of X?" quite often, and it does work. It's hard for toddlers to articulate their feelings, and it does help if they feel you are listening and care about what they think

I started using it at about the same age, and as WoTmania says 3 yo DS now uses some of the techniques subconsciously.

He's a very articulate 2.3 year old, but yes, I think I probably do expect too much of him sometimes. And I could do with more real life support. DH works long hours so I'm alone with DS and his baby sister for 11.5 hours a day, 5 days a week. Grandparents all live 100+ miles away, and friends and family members in our city all children of a similar age (who all seem so much more placid and compliant than DS). I feel quite lonely and have a hard time admitting when I'm struggling.

I will try and get hold of the book - and Toddler Taming - and see if they can help.

I would recommend the book too. I didn't read it until just before ds' 4th birthday but some of the techniques would have worked when he was younger. He's really responded to drawing how angry he is, and to having his feelings validated rather than questioned.
I think when dcs are articulate you can sometimes forget how small they really are. Another MN suggested a tiny hand test when you're getting frustrated. Look at how small his hand is compared to your own. It's a reminder that they're still little really.

How to Talk is useful to get into good habits early - but I think from what you describe its more about getting space in your head to deal with things calmly - this book was really helpful for me, in working out why I reacted the way I did:
When Kids Push Your Buttons And What You Can Do About It

I second Toddler Taming. It has kept my sanity with my dd who is now 3.5, and was a godsend to read, and put in place. He talks a lot of sense. This is the only book I have bought, as thought most books were bunkum, which I have borrowed, but this one I bought was well worth the money. Makes a lot of sense.

Toddlers are the pits op, I also have a 20mo, who I use the techniques on, and she's doing well. I wish I read it earlier.

Just to clarify I was recommending 'How to Talk' not 'Toddler Taming'. I haven't read the latter

I haven't read any of the other books recommended ere, but would like to recommend What Every Parent Should Know.

It explains what is happening to the toddler when they're being defiant/tantruming/shouting NO at you, and so helps you to communicate with them in a way that helps them learn to resolve the conflicting and confusing feelings they're having.

My twins are 2yrs4mo and I found the book transformed my understanding of their behaviour.

No, it's not appropriate. I really like a lot of the book, but it works through talking and the average 2 year old is not great at talking or understanding yet. I'd say it's much more appropriate for 4 year old to, well, any age really.

I think Todddler Taming is great for two year olds. It's very good at explaining what are realistic expectations of behaviour, understanding and impulse control at 12 months, 18 months, 24 months etc. 1,2,3 Magic is excellent for when they are 3 to around 7. Also The Incredible Years.

happy I have been to one of the authors seminars for work and I am completely unphased by my toddlers tantrums after struggling with them in my four others. I actually feel sorry for her when she gets angry and it makes it so much easier.
Still does my head in at night and refusing to walk with me though

you could also sign up to the Aha parenting e-mails. I find them very useful and often an uncannily accurate reminder.
www.ahaparenting.com/