DS, 4.5 years, swimming lesson trauma

[holidaysdistantmemory]

Took ds to the swimming pool when he was a baby, DC2 then came along and had to stop. Dh has always refused point blank to take him, hates the cold apparently :(
When ds turned 4, enrolled him in lessons where I come into pool with him, it has not gone well to say the least. He won't let go of me at all, has no confidence, seems scared of everything, little 2 and 3 years are lapping him, and he yells loudly which is embarrassing. Other parents look at me pityingly. I try to be really positive and upbeat and reassuring but little progress made. And the teacher is fab and he loves her.

I am now pregnant with twins, so physically can't take him, as he is a big lad, and it hurts to support him when we go to the deep end.

Dh took him tonight, came back in a foul mood, said its a waste of time and money, he is hopeless, which really upset me, to be fair its true. Asked ds, he said he enjoyed himself (?!)

So what shall I do, any thoughts/ guidance very welcome. I doubt very much whether group swimming would work now, as he won't go in without one of us, or even let go of us. Maybe I should just chill, but he is starting swimming at school in the summer term, and I fear its going to be traumatic. Thanks.

I would just leave it. Dd had the same traumas and I enrolled her in lessons thinking it would help and it just seemed to make her worse.

She was really nervous about being the only one who couldn't swim when they did lessons at school but actually a lot of them were in the same boat so to speak and being with her friends doing it gave her a lot of confidence.

Personally I would forget the private lessons for now and see how he gets on at school and then maybe try again perhaps.

My son had swimming lessons when he was just four after coming back from holiday in Spain.
I was wrong. He hated it because he couldn't put his feet down unlike the pool in Spain.

Husband and me agreed that it was a waste of money. I have ds who is one and couldn't go in the water with him.

I want and need him to swim and will try to look for a new pool.

My mum lives in Spain and I thought about spending all summer in there and using the pool that they have, where he can put his feet down.

Thank you for responding so quickly fairylea, depsite being a mn lurker for years, this is actually the first thread I have ever started, and simply did so because I feel so fed up tonight. Currently not talking to dh!

Maybe I should just shelve it then, but seems like every kid in his class trots off to swimming after school (with teacher in pool, no parents) and feel like my ds is the only one who is not.

Heavy wheezing, thank you also, glad to know I am not alone here, my friend's ds came back from a week's holiday abroad swimming pretty well as was in the pool every day. The problem is that the only pools around here which are shallow are in private gyms, and with twins coming along, cannot stretch to that cost at the moment.

We are off to centre parcs for half term (first time, in laws paying!) maybe if (or dh :() I take him every day for 'fun' rather than a structured lesson, this may make some headway.

I know I shld chill, its just that I want him to have basic skills should he ever fall in water, and also swimming is really enjoyable.

I think you are right.

The pool that we sometimes take him to is a zero entry, the ones that slope so you can walk in. He's fine with them. But the ones of a constant depth are always too deep so he can't put his feet down.

He's fine as long as he puts his feet down or he can.

We are going to gently re introduce him swimming for fun then take it a bit more seriously on holiday ext year. I didn't swim until I was seven ds is only four.

Could you find a teacher to give him private lessons as that way he will have someone in the water and their undivided attention , then move back to a group when he's gained some confidence .

What was he like in the water before his lessons had to stop and how old was he? Has he 'created' a fear based on him stopping going/built up the fact that his lessons stopped into a 'thing' in his mind?

heavywheezing, yes, I don't think many people learnt to swim at 4 when we were young (in formal swimming lessons at least) sure it was more like 7 when at school.

Flora, I think one to one lessons are quite pricey, and may 'over emphasise' his inability maybe, but will look into it all the same, thanks for the idea.