URGENT ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE ON CONFRONTING A PARENT!

[7up]

last night my sons msn flashed up with a message off a girl (who'd hed befriended for a short while and then they argued and fell out and havent spoken since, hes 11, shes 12)

anyway she put a message up asking him to check his website he'd made and she'd accessed it and put disgusting obscenities under pics of his 18month bruv, saying things like "this is lukes brother and luke sucks his cock" etc etc. anyway my boy saw red and a huge nasty msn argument occurred. her calling him goofy, him calling her ginger minge etc etc.the words, cunt, bitch, queer, used throughout the chat and culminated in her threatening to beat him up, him threatening to kill her blah blah blah.

anyway i presume its the girls mother has just knocked, i was nappy changing so hung out of the window and saw a large lady storming off down the road. ive never met her before. her daughter is home taught because shes been kicked out of a few schools for bullying. now, i dont mind confrontation im basically not scared of women coz ive had so many abusive men in my life. BUT i dont know whether to sit and wait for her to knock again or go and confront her, only prob being i would have my toddler with me?

p.s didnt mean im gona fight the woman, but from reading her body language it wasnt going to be a friendly chat

id go nuts if someone said those things to my kid!id def confront her.tell her her dd started it all by what she put on the website,and if you have to,show her it.

You all sound as bad as each other. I can't believe anything so utterly vile is going on between children like this.

moondog, "you ALL, sound as bad as each other"

presume youre referring to me!did you not read my 2nd post FGS

thankyou buffy

He's 11? he called her ginger minge? They were both using all that language?

No point in two grown womwn becoming embroiled in this nonsense - if she does confront you, i would stay vey calm, say you were upste about the obscenities on the website, but suggest that she talks to her daughter and you talk to your son, and that as parents you are sure you can both sort out your own kids.

You don't want to set a bad example in arguing to your DS, do you?

And then maybe look at where he is getting such language from.

just thought,print it off what shes put and go and show her it.she must have seen it anyway,or at least knows about it.unless shes miffed cos shes only seen what your ds put and hasnt seen what her dd put.

the language is gross isnt it!it must be the lovely village school because he doesnt really play out round here coz theres no kids other than the girl. im just sure that shes gona jump on me! and like you say il have my toddler with me but dont really wana sit and wait for the knock on the door.

has everyone else on here got angels for kids then or not got prebusescent kids

The language at that age can be from anywhere

My Neice age 11 started high school in sep and she said most of the kids use the f word and others twice in every sentence spoken

I maybe would wait and see if she calls again

I would report her to the police for sending images of your child with the captions she sent!!

There must be something they can do even if it is just giving her a stern talking to!!

I'm a bit shocked to hear of really obscene verbal abuse like that coming from such young kids, I'm afraid. I imagine a lot of people haven't posted because they don't know what to say.

yes, print it off if you can still access it so if she calls you can show her what her Daughter had put

I don't swear myself

But surely no one can think that children of 11 and 12 don't use such language?

Its horrible yes, and you certainly don't want your child to use those words

But the sad fact is, when they are in High School...the majority are

kids are like that nowadays.i was shocked when i heard my dd1 argueing with dd2.its definately what they pick up from school.ours is a quiet small school aswell but they still call each other twats and arseholes.you cant stop them.yes you can tell them that its not acceptable,but when they are with their friends,they'll still use that language.my kids know they arent allowed to use foul language,but they still slip up.

buffy,my ds deleted the webpage lastnight, he'd only done one page of it with his brothers pics on, dont know if its deleted forever or if you can restore it like emails

look in your history

So what did you say to your DS about this last night? Did you condone him sending messages in this tone?

Oh yes, I'm not that naive, I know that kids learn all sorts of language at school - even my 5yo has started coming out with "buddy hell" etc but I tell him he is not allowed to say it. I sort of assume that by the time he is 11 he will have worked out where it is socially acceptable and not and that, in front of me is where it is not!

Think 11 is a bit young to be using that sort of language, also I'd be furious if I had heard a boy using that sort of laguage towards my dd. I think it sounds like 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other on the kids side so it's important for you to rise above it.

I'm sure this woman has only had half the story but never the less you should try and imagine how you would feel if you only had the side she's got and then try to see how she might be feeling. Perhaps you could try and pacify her rather than wind her up any further. I'd personally wait until she knocked and invite her in for a coffee to discuss.

no didnt condone at all bozza, when it first started and it was petty it was ok but when it got nasty i logged him off and when i was upstairs with younger one he logged back on to delete the webpage and she was still there. i spent all last night worrying that he'd have the police round for saying on it that he'd kill her. that was pure anger because of the captions she'd put under his brothers pictures.

sleepycat, i dont want a confrontation with her at all. i was trying to state that im not intimidated by her even though im small but i felt i couldnt sit and wait for her to knock on the door again

ds1 is 14 and said 'ffs' the other day.i looked at him and he apologised saying'i forgot i was at home!'ds2 is 6 and called dd2 a bitch.i told him off and now he tells the others off if they swear!

mascara, i did actually msn the girl after it last night to say i was disappointed that they'd been so nasty to each other and that i was upset about the brother comments and that i always found her a very pleasant girl until that moment.

praps i should wait till she knocks then, im sure she wont scream and shout in my home with a toddler around her. i hope

Write a note explaining what you saw from your end? She will only have heard half the tale.

i think you should still try to print off what she put just incase this woman tries to put all the blame on your ds.

thats a good idea quangle about the note, thankyou. praps il see if she knocks later and then pop a note in after dark!