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Parenting

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Original poster

Any husbands/dads lurking?

18 replies

bangersmashandbeans · 19/01/2013 07:59

So a quick question for any dads/husbands/partners or indeed other mums...I have just started maternity leave and all being well I should be able to stay off work for a few years. I am very grateful to my hard-working husband as his dedication to paying off debts etc has meant this is possible. I would like some tips and suggestions as to what I can do at home whilst he's out earning a crust to make life a bit easier for him. I know this may sound old fashioned but what does a husband like to come home to after a long day at work? Please don't anyone respond who is just looking to flame a potentially controversial question! Thanks

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Tee2072 · 19/01/2013 08:08

I like to make sure my son is still alive at the end of the day.

In all seriousness, ask your husband. All men are different.

Original poster

bangersmashandbeans · 19/01/2013 08:16

I have asked but he tells me not to be so ridiculous!!

OP posts:

2men1decision · 19/01/2013 08:20

A happy wife is probably the best thing to come back to so don't put pressure on yourself.

When I was on mat leave my h liked to come back to:

A happy wife and son
A clean house
Some sort of dinner on the go or food for him to make dinner

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Tee2072 · 19/01/2013 08:26

Well, then, there's your answer.

Have you had your baby yet?

Forgetfulmog · 19/01/2013 08:30

Don't put pressure on yourself to do anymore than care for your baby in the first few months. During that time your DH should be willing to do the housework etc. once things have settled down a bit then you could see things from the point of view that your dhs job involves him being out of the house for x amount of time & your job involves you being in the house for x amount of time. Therefore during that time you can look after DC & get housework done. Once DH is home you should (iMO anyway) share the looking after of the DC. What I do is do all the feeds (dd is ebf) & all the nappy changes during the week. DH settles Dd for 1 night during the w/e & does all the nappy changes for that night. We tend to take it in turns to do nappy changes in the eve.

SillyBeardyDaddyman · 19/01/2013 08:33

Happy wife and children! That's all

Raising kids is tough and exhausting, don't try to do too much and be grateful that your dh seems to understand that! Anything beyond everyone being alive, healthy and happy is a bonus.

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 19/01/2013 08:35

Beardy I wish I'd married you rather than my ex

Numberlock · 19/01/2013 08:39

Lots of blow jobs I would have thought.

AliceWChild · 19/01/2013 08:40

I don't do much more than look after my son. My partner says he loves to see how bonded we are, how cared for my son is, how good we are together. That's his 'reward'. That's what makes him happy, seeing love and happiness in his family.

If you're wanting to do more, please do so with caution. I've seen that be the thing that really stresses women on mat leave. Of course different strokes for different folks and all that.

SillyBeardyDaddyman · 19/01/2013 08:41

Bang goes my reputation on here as a nasty sweary wanker...

Original poster

bangersmashandbeans · 19/01/2013 08:45

Numberlock Bet that's what my husband wanted to answer when I asked!! Happy wife is the biggy I guess - I can tell sometimes my husband tentatively opens the front door wondering if it'll be stressed wife or happy wife he'll be confronted with! I know which he prefers! I remember reading some ancient household manual which said a wife should have a smile for her husband when he comes in from work regardless of the day she may have had - I quite like that mantra.

OP posts:

Numberlock · 19/01/2013 08:48

Just remember that book was from the 50s. There will no doubt be bad days, god forbid you may even get PND, so don't feel you have to mask anything if times get tough. When is the baby due?

Original poster

bangersmashandbeans · 19/01/2013 08:52

Due in early feb and we have a dd who is just 3 as well. I know I sound like I'm harking back to days gone by but the truth is that if I know kids and hubby are happy then generally i always will be too! I know when the baby arrives it'll all be out the window for a while but just trying to prepare myself to be a successful sahm.

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 19/01/2013 08:56

Early February is an excellent time to be born. My birthday is the 5th.

I do try to have a smile on my face when my husband comes home, but sometimes all you really can do is hand over the baby, walk out the back door, and scream.

Especially with a toddler as well!

Numberlock · 19/01/2013 08:56

Ah got ya, I thought this might have been your first. My advice is to keep your career links fully open to make it as easy as possible to return at some point in the future. And always make sure you have something just for you, away from the role of mum and wife.

Vespar7 · 21/01/2013 09:05

I was exactly like you when I was planning my maternity leave and now I find myself handing him a screaming baby needing a change the minute he walks into a (filthy) house

I totally underestimated how much time looking after a newborn would take and I think I put too much pressure on myself to have everything perfect when he got home with the result that I was often almost in tears or very resentful towards him. I still try and get stuff done everyday but if it doesn't get done then it's no big drama. The one thing I do is make sure there is dinner but that is also for my benefit!

cory · 21/01/2013 09:24

bangersmashandbeans Sat 19-Jan-13 08:45:03
"Numberlock Bet that's what my husband wanted to answer when I asked!! Happy wife is the biggy I guess - I can tell sometimes my husband tentatively opens the front door wondering if it'll be stressed wife or happy wife he'll be confronted with! I know which he prefers! I remember reading some ancient household manual which said a wife should have a smile for her husband when he comes in from work regardless of the day she may have had - I quite like that mantra. "

Have a care though: some husbands (the best ones imo) don't like to be kept out of the loop if you are unhappy; they'd rather share your misery than have you put on an act if things are not going well.

Numberlock · 21/01/2013 10:00

There will no doubt be bad days, god forbid you may even get PND, so don't feel you have to mask anything if times get tough.

Exactly what I think, cory.

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