Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies

[10000Fireflies]

For gorgeous, frolicking and fabulous 40-somethings to share the joys of becoming a Mummy, just a little bit later than most!! . Park your zimmer-frame next to your baby buggy, put your feet up, and come and join us in the snug.

Hi all. I have soent my whole life failing to diet and pretty much accepted a self hating fat norm but then gestational diabetes entered my life... I would second a low carb / low GI diet as it's proved VERY effective and I will try and stick to it to continue loss and try a prolong my life and have enough energy to keep up with DS and DD!

Echo Wooster. I want the energy and vitality to run and play with Dylan. I dont want to struggle feeling older I know we are only 40 but when he is dashing about at 6 I will be 50. Oh lord 50 that is shite oh well. I can't imagine him being a year old never mind 6.

Same here. Don't want master midge to have a Mum who is old and fat. Sounds shallow but hey, that's life and I want to be here for my kids.

with all ladies,who want to be fit for children, and also think it is,the best and healthiest way to approach body and self esteem, especially when passing on healthy living ethos to kids.

but too bombed to name-check long list if lovely ladies. but hope Somewhere scar is healing, belly tenderness too, feeding easier... I ask for your sake and selfish curiosity of those a week or so behind!

Morning all!

So many interesting debates on here.

mrsw and chairman although I have been lucky with bf I totally agree about baby groups. I actually thought with ds I would find like minded people and peer support and maybe even friends there but they were unbelievably cliquey, their babies allslept fine, etc etc. although I had to go to the groups as staying indoors all day isn't an option either they were kind of the bane of my life as i ended up reliving teenagerish issues about fitting in!!!! About 9 months in I ran into a neighbour who later became a friend and had the first good conversation ever! I am with you on the groups thing. This time I will still go but with much lower expectations.

scarecrow I am having a surprisingly low level of pain. A week and a day later I've dropped to a 2 doses of ibuprofen and 2 doses daily of paracetamol, alternating so as not to overdo any one painkiller. i am doing more housework as a stepping stone. there is a sense of a wobbly back with no core muscles so am tensing
Pelvic floor and tummy muscles go try to bring it back and there is daily progress. The outside of my scar - the most superficial bit - has started hurting however, a lot, forcing me to sit down mid-activity. I want to go out today and am thinking of upping the dose to make this possible. I think the ELCS allows smaller more careful cutting so recovery is swifter. I don't know they gave you strong stuff like codeine but I got off that quick as it was making me a bit high and I didn't want to get too used to it- also I just didn't need it.

How are you?

knicky I'm sorry baby KK had hearing issue. I am sure it's just blocked and will be ok. Let us know how it goes. Yes getting weed on is a defining thing - my ds lost control at the loo the other day and weed all over me aged 4! mummy you've got wee on your glasses, he told me.

goat I can't scroll down to check who died that's awful but I know she lived to a ripe old age. My sympathies - but like chairman says there's something oddly inspiring about it. Lol re Charlie's angels - I hope you get some sleep but that made me laugh out loud it really did.

mrsw midget lrm I am with you on the fitness and exercise. I have been having some baby blues/ hormonal feelings since the birth showing in cosmic thoughts about how short life is. Not helped by my mum hsving a hysterectomy yesterday. Anyway I realise that the non-mental version of this is to take care of my health and be as fit and healthy a mummy as I can be.

Was low carbing jus before conceiving and was deflating around my tummy. But according to the 5:2 diet too much protein turns on an ageing gene - it's better to fast and be veggie. I'll never get that
Past dp as a way of life but I do want to try at some point. In the mean time will low carb as it's the most practical for me right now.

How do you low carb? I just do it at lunch - need carbs to sleep.

mrsw do you actually not eat any sugar ever? What is your diet? I went without sugar for a week before the birth because of the polyhydramnios. It was at once harder and easier than I expected - easy in that its a simple rule to apply, hard in that I really wanted cake etc.

eagle she's already breaking free of the swaddle!!! Little bee you gee gee ee are! But if she's fed enough it seems to work. I remember the merino swaddle it sounded great. damn them they are all individuals.

Lovely that baby eagle is waking up and connecting - thats such a lovely stage (amidst a plethora of lovely stages).

think my hormones are settling but still find the soundtrack to breaking bad (our current box set) suddenly very eerie and can't watch more than one at a time. Feeling regrets about how I parented ds. Feeling so bad at how I shouted at him when I had morning sickness and when my mum was ill and my dad was freaking out. Feeling sad I didn't have a boba wrap for him (got one for dd and its super) or a swaddle.

Having said that he's doing very well right now. Suddenly seems so huge. He is very sweet to his sister and I'm proud of him. He did complain about her lack of talking and he also said 'I'm going to kill the baby' so he's not some kind of angel but the envy is balanced not out of control.

Hugs to all. Sorry for such a long post. Can't seem to get on here much and so much to talk about.

Xxx

Great post somewhere. Don't apologise about it being long. Good to know where you're at.

You sound like you're doing amazingly well! Be careful re overdoing it post-section though. I started feeling human again at the beginning of this week, recovering from infection, so we went to Ikea on Weds as needed a load of stuff for the house/bed for DS/furniture for DD. Worst idea ever! My scar was killing afterwards and it's taken 2 days to recover. Sat there sobbing with exhaustion yesterday. Slow and steady wins the race. I think it's all about pacing. Though it's tempting to do too much out of wanting to be fully recovered. It does sound like your recovery will be quite straightforward. Hope so.

YY to older child suddenly feeling huge. DS feels like a monster child, though he is built like a mini rugby player anyway! Also YY to baby group comments in general. That BF group was especially bad but made me remember having those teenager/fitting issues. I never understood why other mums had to pretend everything was rosy. Sometimes when I'd scraped myself off the floor to get there I just wanted to share a good old whinge about it all. Lucky to have a few friends on mat leave us a couple of others working part-time so will be avoiding groups as much as poss.

Sounds like there's a weight-loss support group in the making. mrsw I'm sorry it's tied up with self-esteem issues. I wonder if talking to someone about that would help, or have you tried? Breaking the link between perceived happiness and size iykwim. Sometimes it's like everything is tied up with appearance and body shape when we're actually valued for the whole package.

I do however get the health and fitness aspect. I went from doing long bike rides/regular trips walking in the Lakes and Snowdonia/10k runs to being woefully unfit and overweight. Pregnancy makes me greedy and lazy. I won't be that fit again because there isn't the time but to be able to run 5k or do 20 miles on the bike would be great. And run round after my little darlings of course. Let's do it!

Ps scarecrow I got a bit too laid back about hydration and got a really horrible splitting headache unlike a normal headache. Scared myself that it was a spinal leak headache from the epidural but it went away with hydration. So drink water and also coffee - caffeine constricts the spinal cord (or something) and boosts the spinal fluid (or something) round the brain helping any such headaches. FYI and any other c-section ladies.

chairman thanks - yes I will take it easy. You had EMCS so I think that takes longer - my full sympathies I've been there. So sorry About the ikea aftermath, i remember exactly that kind of agony after optimistically going to shops - i hope you have some codeine? It could be me too and I shall report back if I go out today how it goes. It's all a balance between needing to be active to recover but then overdoing it and effing yourself up a bit.

Xxx

Good morning Ladies. So sorry to hear that you have pain due to CS and hormonal up and down. Really hope painkillers will kick in quickly.
Be very gentle with your body, I know it is hard especially when there is an older child to look after too but get as much help as you can and house chores will/can wait ! In some countries, new Mums are not allowed to move out of bed for 40 days after birth, baby is brought to them for feeding. Wish we could have this kind of help nowadays. My Mum told me off a few times because I lifted DS to sit him on my lap for a cuddle. We might not feel the pain today but our body records everything and makes us pay later...
Pg and BF have had great impact on my diet, I m now much more careful about having a balanced diet, my plate always have now veggie, fish/meat and carb, tend to steam a lot and small amount of very nice olive oil makes a huge difference, being French of course there is salad and cheese, not too much bread though, still eat frequently but try to keep portions sensible, love fruit so snack on them all day long, allow myself home made cakes once a week, drink lots and lots whether water or tea or coffee.
Just like you I find it hard to make friends in baby groups so I just avoid them. Having you on this thread is a much better alternative !
Xxxxx

afternoon all. Chair i have pretty much gone past the self esteem stuff that has been around for ever, I think. It's there but not what it was.. that's what's so ironic, I think - the weight loss has happened AFTER I figured that fat is what I am, not who I am. I really do want to keep it off for the energy/long life issues though. I read a thing about some woman researching anti aging (Kenyon?) and she fed sugar to her worm (!) and the resulting insulin surge shortened the lifespan so she p (the doctor, not the worm) gave up sugar pretty much on the spot and took up The Low GI Way so, what with the weightloss from the diabetes, I thought it's the way to go for me for now. I do still eat sugar - 46 years of habit doesn't stop dead in the water, but am trying to limit the simple carbs in favour of complex, so hippy bread rather than white bread etc

Ok I went out -agony! Had to go straight back home, only got as far as the shop opposite my door. 1 week 1 day obviously too early.

Hello everyone

Sorry this is a really quick post as got v limited time before Baby E wakes up and starts roaring for food!

Got a question that hopefully someone can answer... Baby E normally struggles to sleep during the day - I usually rely on pram or car to get her off to sleep but if we are in the house then it can be really hard. Anyway, today we went to the park and I dressed her in a quilted snowsuit. She slept on the way back, and when we got home I thought she would ping wide awake, and laid her on the sofa in her snowsuit until she woke up. But she slept and slept and slept and is just waking up now! I have a horrible feeling that she's not wearing enough clothes as normally in the house she just has a vest and babygro on. She doesn't feel like she's overheated (I keep checking) but clearly is very snug in the snowsuit. Perhaps in future I should keep her wrapped up a bit warmer in the house? (think I have been a bit slack in that department...)

Somewhere get back on that sofa - it is really, really easy to overdo things. I like the 40 day idea and would have loved to have stayed in bed that long.

Hello everyone, sorry to have been AWOL... BG is sleeping better (hurrah!) with two feeds, settles straight afterwards. Just have to persuade him that 4:30 is not getting up time. Preferably before returning to work on Monday! What are my chances, d'ya think? And daytimes currently consist of running after him as he crawls speedily towards the DVD stacks to pull them all out, tries to pull himself up on the furniture and crashes over backwards , chews the table, or forgets he can't walk yet and LETS GO OF EVERYTHING. We had to lower the cot to its lowest setting as he nearly climbed out. Life sure ain't boring! Oh, and he also manages to be Velcro baby and wishes to do all of this while attached to a parent. So not a lot of MN time st the mo!
Indeed many interesting discussions here. Re bfing groups. I went to one that was really useful - if anyone saw the Cherry Healey programme, it was the hv on there, Alison Spiro. She gave great advice. Went back the next week and only the peer supporters were there. Nice women and all, but not the slightest bit equipped to deal with a prem who had pretty major suck/swallow problems. I didn't go back. Then when we swapped to bottles and still had problems, no one seemed able to help so I went to another group. Boy, major mistake! They were not the slightest bit interested and tried to force me to bf. not a success! Definitely political. Getting a baby fed happily and securely is the most important thing. Most of the time I remember this now!

C sections. 9 months on and I am definitely healed inside, but the scar remains tender, especially when BG bounces merrily on it! Take your time. My midwife said cheerfully as I left hospital, "you might feel ok, but if you don't take things easy, you'll be an old lady with incontinence." Ooh, ok, point taken!

Re weight. I could sure do with losing another stone and a half. Trying not to overdo things re speed of loss as was borderline anorexic for so long I don't want to go back to that mindset. But could do with some gentle encouragement re exercising. I think the jelly belly is more Homer Simpson type muscles than anything . Are we going to be a mutual support group?

bbd I hope A's eyes are better?

I have now been writing this post for 3 hours! BG is in bed so I can now write with two hands and uninterruptedly. I hope all the new babies are continuing to be lovely and that mums are getting the space to enjoy fully. Hello to everyone else and wishing you all a peaceful evening.

Goar, lovely to have news from you and Baby G sleeping better. Hourah !
I have a few sec while both kids welcome their Dad so very quickly an answer to Eagle. Or maybe the begining of an answer...
Eagle, I don't know if baby E is cold or not in the house but I was advised to put on baby one layer more than what we wear, so if I have TShirt + jumper, A would have vest, sleepsuit and jumper. For nap and nighttime, I remove the jumper and she sleeps in a 2.5 tog sleeping bag, the room temperature is monitored and is between 16 and 17C.
Will be back later
Xxx to all

Of course I wanted to welcome back GOAT not Goar !!!

Just a quick check-in to see how somewhere is. Sorry you're suffering. It's the disappointment as well as the tiredness, I felt. Just so want to be able to do stuff. In a few weeks all this will be a distant memory. Hope you're getting some rest.

Wave to everyone else. In the middle of dealing with a friend's relationship crisis so dashing off. Have a lovely Friday night (or for the BFers).

somewhere I echo sorrys for abandoned trip. worried as I was thinking if going out tomorrow. though as gasping in pain/discomfort tonight maybe not! also therefore taking note of all the wise advice.

eagle your post reminded me of my favourite trick with dd. she was b in Dec and I always bundled her up in snow suit for a walk for her afternoon nap. in the end if I put the snow suit on and laid her on the sofa while I got shoes on or whatever she'd often fall asleep there, sparing me the effort It made me think of Pavlov's dog, but maybe the slightly constrained snugness is what done it. great discovery. I swaddled for cot naps then, like bbd, used sleep-bag, with s cellular blanket too if cold.

forgive me if this is old hat, but I did not know til I had dd in 40s, but cellular blankets (ie like waffles with small holes) are best for regulating temp if you are worried about over-heating.

goat - I love descriptions of BG : you paint the pictures so well with words, and he sounds such an adorably spirited little character...please keep them going.

ok am falling asleep ad I write. babyS feeding every 1-2 hours and with DD climbing all over me and him, stairs, and so on am struggling to find right balance I think. Prob finding v conflicting emotions around DD hardest to manage - I feel bait like I'm cheating on her by falling in love with another baby, and a bit overwhelmed by the seeming vastness of her presence in every sense, plus still struggling with DH, but that is a longer story .

apologies for any missed news.

Just realised I took so long to write that post that I x-posted. somewhere sorry for your aborted mission. I know it's frustrating not being able to go out (I was stuck during that wonderful heat wave we had last summer!) but try to enjoy the sofa time, it's the last you will get for a while!
eagle I struggle a bit with temp for BG too. He is the opposite though, seems to like it cool. Throws off everything, hates wadded sleeper/grobag and snoozes happily in just sleep suit. I think you have to find out individually for every baby. I guess like us they have differing preferences for sleep!

Love the snowsuit tactic Scarecrow! At night she has a grobag and cellular blanket and sleeps pretty well in that, but daytime naps are a bit hit and miss. She was so warm and snug in the snowsuit yesterday that I can only think that that was the reason she slept so long. Am going to experiment a bit more with clothing/bedding for daytime I think.

Goat - sounds like our babies are following the typical gender things, ie bloke throwing off the covers and the girl saying her feet are cold etc. Good luck with the sleep regulation before monday! Regarding the falling over, visited a friend yesterday who has a 9 mo and they've covered the entire coffee table with padding AND kitted him out with a safety helmet. Each to their own I guess...

A safety helmet?? Oh dear, I need to polish my bad mum badge again. I'm kind of going by the general idea that if he does something that results in his falling over, chances are he won't do it again...
I promise not to follow my sister's suggewtion and let him bungy jump any time soon though!

chairman there are many ore bad mummies than good if that is the bar.
I was having a particularly tricky and long set if hospital appointments a few weeks ago and DD wad interrupting every four words to ask if she could leave the room - in exasperation I said yes, why not, and she marched out into the waiting room closing the door behind her. when I turned back the mw was sitting frozen with pen in mid air. I like to think she was admiring my parenting skills but rather suspect she was trying remember the hotline to social services. I'm not sure it helped when I blithely said: she'll cone back soon, and if she did get abducted they'd bring her back when she woke at 5am
she did, of course, come back, carefully carrying a cup if water from the fountain

Goat, I m so like you, let kid try as long as he won't kill himself and see if he learns ! Hum, can I share the badge with you, please ?
Scarecrow, really really really love your style.
A bit mad this morning, had to rush to JL on Oxford street to buy house warming present and boy 5 yo birthday pressie for Sun, my 3rd degree cousin managed to get hold of me only yesterday to invite us, he forgot I changed number ! Had to be back for 11.30 to give lunch to both DCs as DS has swimming lesson in Central London at 1. And have some friends over at 4pm. Cake is not ready, house is in a mess, lets hope A will sleep for 2 hours now so that I can prepa a few things....
Bye for now

Love your style too scarecrow. Getting totally the same feelings of conflict and am dreading that I'll have to sometime let DS knock things over and do attention-seeking stuff while I'm dealing with DD. He's starting to get really clingy now. Upside - he's gorgeous to cuddle, downside - he suddenly wants me to do things he's perfectly capable of doing if I'm holding baby. Aaaargh! Tips on not being overwhelmed by 2 kids anyone (feel free to laugh anyone with more than 2. I take my hat off to you).

Cellular blankets - I've got a million blankets and only one is cellular. DD seems to like being scarily warm already. Need to invest in some more (cue tightarse DH: 'We've got loads of blankets!').

Opinions on something non-parenting related if you will. A lesbian couple we're friends with were round today and told us a guy who was going to be their sperm donor has ducked out. DH said he has a mate who doesn't want kids who might do it (they won't be co-parenting). He's a healthy guy, quite good-looking, bright etc. So they said yes, please ask him as they're our age and getting desperate, can't afford IVF. So after they'd left DH just texted him to ask. I was . I would have thought a good chat on the phone about who these people are, what are their expectations from a donor etc would be appropriate. Don't you think? Unsurprisingly he's said no. I was actually a bit pissed off with DH because their choices, and finances, are extremely limited. He's can be extremely thoughtful sometimes, totally inept at others, my DH.

Morning all.

Chairman - not sure anyone would be a sperm donor from a text - not the best approach me thinks. Although have no expertise on how to get sperm donations (apart from the obvious of course).

Well I went to the theatre last night and Master Midge behaved for his father and had a bottle so I can now go out guilt free - this is huge progress although I still miss him so much I don't much feel like going out anyway

Sorry all for the lengthy absence, am struggling with the sheer exhaustion of it all at the moment. DS is now just over 3 weeks old, and has taken to feeding 2-hourly, including all night. At most I'm getting 45 minutes to an hour's sleep before getting up again. Worse still, me and DH are playing competitive tiredness. Last night was a fine example of how rough things are when I finally got to bed some time round 5.30 after a night of dreadfully broken sleep. I've got to admit am really anxious about DH going back to work next weekend. This morning he was able to take over and looked after the kids from 5.30 till 8.30 which was enough to give me enough sleep to feel human again. Just really hoping that things will suddenly change and DS will at the very least get back to feeding every 3 hours.

Sorry all for such a selfish post, but was in bits earlier this morning. I'm wishing his newborn days away - I know some people love these times but I'm struggling with it all as I did with DD . Plus I really miss my relationship with my DD. She's become a bit of a daddy's girl since DS arrived. I'm determined to keep making a huge effort to have me and her time, but suspect that this will have to stop somewhat when DH is back on his shift pattern. How else are the other new mums coping? somewhere, scarecrow, chairman, MrsW?

eagle your friend with the padded table and safety helmet?! Seriously?? I do remember feeling terrified when seeing my DD negotiate stairs for the first time, but you almost have to let them realise things can be dangerous (within reason obviously!) otherwise they'll never learn will they? Blimey - what did you say to your friend?
scarecrow love the DD and MW story. Brilliant! Made me smile and completely my style of parenting!
chairman I just don't think blokes think do they? My DH probably would have done something very similar. I think my DH would ask most things by text - wouldn't think to pick up a phone and actually talk to one of his friends....
midgetm that must feel like such a huge step going out for the night. Hope you had a lovely time and managed to have some well deserved you time.

DS off for further hearing test on Wednesday. Defo think all is fine unless he has supersonic hearing in his 'passed' ear...

Arh poor Knicky. Competitive tiredness is a bloody irritating and pointless game (that we will always win) but DH and I have played it many times.

The horrible dread of DH going back to work is also so bloody familiar but you will be fine on your own - honest you will. Just get the first day over and done with and it gets easier - honest.