5yo not being invitied to parties....

[icravecheese]

Hi Ladies,

Its that age old issue.....that is probably upsetting me more than my son! But my little chap is in yr1 at school. He has plenty of friends, is fairly quiet, studious, and, according to his teacher, a popular boy (other children want to be his friend etc.).

However, 3 times in the past year, he has come home from school upset that party invites were handed out and he didnt get one. Normally i'd just explain that there might not be space etc, however each time the party is somebody whom I believe to be one of his 'close' friends (i.e. he mentions them alot / plays together at lunch / eats lunch together / sees them after school etc).

The most recent party is a disco party, so lots of the class have been invited. The birthday boy in question is seemingly a 'good' friend of my sons - he only went to play at his house a few weeks ago before Christmas & we're been trying to arrange him coming back to ours to play. Me & party boys mother occasionally text each other and always chat in the playground, all very friendly.....but now i'm left feeling slightly embarrassed that my son clearly hasnt been invited to the party & I'm not sure what to say....

I guess I'm feeling sad & upset for my son - he thinks people are his friend but I'm wondering if perhaps they're not.

It keeps happening and I'm not sure why....how do I go about finding out why he seems to be friends with other kids, plays with them lots, talks about them lots, goes to play at theirs / them at ours.....then just doesnt get included in birthday party plans?

Am I being pathetic? I'm just feeling slightly confused & upset for my son....

He does get invited to some parties doesn't he, just not all of them?

It may just be a run of coincidences.

I don't think your being sad and pathetic. No actual advice (mine starts sept)I'm afraid but I feel for you xxx

Yes he does get invited to some - in fact he got invited to this same boys party last yr....its just funny that other mums say to me 'oh your son is going isnt he?' because they too think of my son & whose ever party it is to be friends....and we're all quite surprised when we realise my son doesnt have an invite....

Firstly y1 is when a lot of kids start inviting just select friends to parties, which is fine BUT

Our school rule is that teachers only had out unnamed invites to ALL the class. Parents have to do it themselves if not. Saves all the issues and worth mentioning to the school. My DS has no idea then if there are parties he is "excluded" from.

I think my problem is, I take it slightly personally as a mum!!

Particularly this most recent case - If I sat my son down & said who are you having to your party.....if he didnt mention inviting this most recent (party) boy....then I would say 'oh what about so-and-so, he's your friend isnt he?', and gently nudge him to invite him as they've played out of school recently, I'm in contact with his mum arranging another play date.....as a mum I'd think it good manners to invite this boy. I guess I'm just feeling abit upset that this other mum hasnt done as I describe above with her son....

Usually I'd say that's life, you just have to shrug your shoulders and move on, but this does sound a bit odd. If your DS and the other boy have had recent play dates I'd def expect him to be invited. Any chance he should have had an invite and it somehow went in the wrong bag?? I think in these circumstances you could bring it up with the other mum - if you are prepared for the possible moment of awkwardness if she says it was intentional!

Hi, sorry you sad, I know the feeling well surrounding the party issue. It's horrible standing in the playground and watching invites being given out and your DC never included. Perhaps it is just a simple issue of numbers but I do agree with you it seems unfair or odd to leave out someone who has just played around at their house in recent weeks.

I had a really hurtful one from a neighbour whose son has spent ages playing at our house/garden with my DD for weeks and months, his party came along and she wasn't invited. I found it a real slap in the face but I now developed a thick skin. It's not worth letting it eat at you. I know it's hard when your sad for your DS though. At least he seems to have friends outside the party issue, so that's one good thing!

Please don't let it get to you. DS got invites to five parties last year but there were many more that he didn't get invited to. I just explain that money is tight for many parents just now and that it's nothing personal. He is of an age (nearly 6yo) where he's now grasping that he cannot always get invited even if he considers them a close friend. It is a good lesson for children to learn early on. Another good thing about not being invited to lots of parties is that you've not got all the expense of forking out for birthday presents!!

Another point to add is that friendships as this age are very fickle and they may be 'best friends' one week and not the next.