sterilised & sad

[sansouci]

I went in for an op to remove an ovarian cyst last Thurs & asked gyn to "tie my tubes" while he was in there. Dh & I had discussed it (who should be snipped, as it were) but it really was a snap decision on my part. Which I'm not actively regretting but must admit, am def feeling sad about. Maybe I should have waited? I've got 2 wonderful dc & thought I should stop as I'm already over 40. Was I stupid?

No sansouci - not stupid at all. You're bound to feel sad. The op has just made your decision to stop at 2 more definate. It will take a little time to come to terms with that I'm sure.
I've been considering that option a lot lately. I've got 4 dss and Im nearly 40. Life is crazy, hectic, knackering and a laugh and I couldn't cope with another but the thought of sterilisation gives me mixed feelings. It's another stage in your life thats complete - but now you've got two dcs to enjoy - not to mention no worries in the bedroom dept.
Blimey this sounds a bit melancholy - I wanted to cheer you up

I felt a bit the same when my dh had a vasectomy, even though I too have 4 children and was approaching 40 at the time (now sadly passed it!) I think it is more to do with having the possibility taken away from me rather than any real desire for moe children. It is accepting that an era has passed and that always takes some adjusting to IMO.

A good friend of mine also comforted me with a bit of "on with the next". It makes sense. It's much easier to make babies than to bring them up & I really don't feel the energy to have any more pgs or births or sleepless nights! Still, it makes me feel a bit diminished... And old.

Okay - I've not been sterilised but at almost 47 I have to accept that there will be no more babies. I still get broody at times but I think that now it is more nostalgia than anything else. We really have our hands full trying to keep one step ahead of the teens that we have and they are not badly behaved, just questioning, challenging young people. And to be honest although the thought of a new baby still brings me out in goosebumps, I'm not sure that we could do justice to that baby when it needs us as a teenager 14 or 15 years from now when we have the children we already have needing us.
I think that what I am trying to say is that for some, it doesn't matter how many/few babies you've had or how old/young you are, whether sterile by surgery or nature there is a time when you grieve for the loss of your fertile time. And at that point it's time to start the next chapter of your own book of your life. It will be what we make it and hopefully, it will be a good one .
Think I'm getting a bit deep here so I'm off now

sansouci, you put it really well in your last post, but the thing is you are having a little time to accept your current situation and maybe grieve a little bit for things that won't be....but also, maybe you'll find it makes you more positively forward looking and ready to relish each and every stage of your children's time with you and beyond - you can focus on them entirely!

juuule - i really love that post!

I am 41 with three beautiful, healthy sons - but a part of me (and dh) wants to try for a fourth...

I will print out your post if you dont mind and look at it from time to time!

Thanks :)

juuule you are so eloquent. I'm a bit younger at 41, but while I feel my 4 are enough (and i have a deep contentment that I've "finished" my family), there's a part of me that still aches when I see a soft little newborn. While I know and willingly accept that such a thing will never be mine again, I still feel wistful about time passing, and a different stage of life beckoning.