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Original poster

8 month old and nursery WWYD?

19 replies

MillyStar · 08/01/2013 10:11

Morning!

I went back to work part time last Friday as my maternity pay has ran out, i'm working Mondays and Fridays and my 8 month old daughter is going to her nans on a Friday (ex's mum) and nursery on a Monday.

It was her first day yesterday and she was in a state when I went to pick her up, floods of tears and her face was bright red and it took me a good ten minutes to calm her down. They said that she was absolutely fine all day, happy as larry playing away and she was the only one who would smile for a photo (they have 4 babies on a Monday in one big room and 3 of them were new including mine). She had a meltdown at 4pm and cried her eyes out until I got there at 5.10pm!!

We live with my mum and dad and when I was talking to them about it last night my mum said why doesn't she pick her up at 3.45pm until she's a little bit older. Because we live with them it would mean her bringing my baby back to her own familiar house to give her her tea i.e. it's not like she would be dragged from the nursery to her grans house then i'd take her to her proper house an hour later if you see what I mean, she would be happy at home with someone who she sees every day when I got in from work.

I cant decide whether to start this from Monday or whether to give it another couple of weeks and see how she goes, it's the longest she's been away from me and she lasted till 4pm on her first day so I suppose she did really well but I don't want her upset like that again if I can help it!

What would you do?

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sleepyhead · 08/01/2013 10:16

It does take time for them to settle, and the fewer days she does then (probably) the longer it will take as there's a bigger gap between sessions and so it takes longer for it to stick in her memory as a fun/normal thing that she does on a regular basis.

Having said that, if your mum's happy to collect her a bit early then that sounds like a good solution - particularly as you'll obviously still have the place until 6 or whatever so if there's ever an emergency/need for a change of plan then the nursery can keep her.

I know it's hard - breaks your heart! But it's great news that she was happy for most of the day, and it does get better.

ALittleBitOfMagic · 08/01/2013 10:18

I would let your mum pick her up . I lived with my parents wen DD was that age . I went to uni and DD went to nursery from 9-3 and my mum picked her up at 3 after work until I got in at half 4 . Worked well for us for two years .

birdofthenorth · 08/01/2013 10:30

It gets easier. It's not necessarily the length of the day - next Monday her sad phase could be after drop off, or nap time... I would wait a little while until she settles into the routine and learns that you are coming back. You might even find she is grumpy for your mum at 3:45 because it's you she really wants. Above all don't feel guilty, for 99% of children the settling in period passes before you know it!

It really does get easier, I promise.

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ZuleikaD · 08/01/2013 11:13

I'd let your mum pick her up - IMO the less time they're at nursery the less stressful it is for them.

lcdaff · 08/01/2013 18:52

Did she get a seteling in period? The nursery I work in settles chikdren over a min of two weeks, building the time they spend with us gradually with what they can cope with.
Nursery is diffrent from home, even if you are very activie, there is always so much going on. It's not unusual for children to find it over stimnulating while they settle.
I'd let your mum pick her up and if you'd like to have the chance to pick her up, make the time slightly later over x amount of weeks until you're happy she can cope until you're able to collect her.
If the staff are any good they won't want you're daughter to be upset so maybe you could ask them to call you or your mum if she's getting tired or showing signs of starting to get upset if your mum is able to be felxable.
Your mum will probably love spending the time with her.
Hope she settles soon and you don't have too many tearful experanices.
Soon she'll be crying because she doesn't want to leave I'm sure.

Tolly81 · 08/01/2013 19:39

I'm in exactly the same situation as my 8mo has a one day nursery place on Monday and her first full day was yesterday too! Had exactly the same situation got there at 5:15 and she was crying her eyes out but they told me she'd been fine all day too! Tbh if I could have her picked up earlier and taken home I definitely would as she didn't nap much at all at nursery, didn't eat much and didn't take much of her afternoon bottle. I think she just finds it overwhelming. She did have settling in and was great when left for two hours but all day was hard for her.

Original poster
MillyStar · 08/01/2013 20:11

I went for an hour with her last Wednesday then left her For an hour on Thursday and that was it really!

She slept for 3 hours in total on Monday which is a lot for her so they obviously tired her out!!

Thanks for all of your input, I'm going to get my mum to pick her up for a while, at least a couple of months then edge it later again, I would like to pick her up and walk in and see a smile on her face rather than just doing the horrible morning trip when I have to leave her there and see her little face before I walk out

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Original poster
MillyStar · 08/01/2013 20:13

That's three hours sleep at nursery by the way she sleeps through the night at home

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 08/01/2013 20:15

Sounds like a good plan millySmile

lola88 · 08/01/2013 21:14

I am going back to work in 3 weeks and will be doing the same as you DS will go to the childminder 8-3 then my gran will pick him up and keep him until DP gets home at 6. I thought 8-6 was far to long for him he will be 12mo and though he won't be coming to our home he will be with family in a house he spends a lot of his time in.

FoxSake · 08/01/2013 21:19

I'd let your mum pick her up, till 5 is a long day for a baby. Be prepared for the fact she make be upset at drop off next week now she knows what's happening. My eldest dd only went 1 day and found it hard to settle I think because of this but if you can build her time up gradually I'd do this. Best if it's a positive experience.

ZuleikaD · 09/01/2013 05:43

FWIW children rarely cry at pickup because they want to stay at nursery. They cry because they're so relieved at going home and they've been holding it in all day.

KatyS36 · 10/01/2013 17:17

I'm lucky as I have very flexible working hours. I used to pick dd up at 4.15 as I found that was when she needed to come home.

I would take your mums suggestion

Katy

drhw · 10/01/2013 18:11

I'd wait and c if she starts to settle, it can take time and will do her good Grin

ZuleikaD · 10/01/2013 18:48

What possible good can it do an 8mo to be stressed and distressed and at the end of her tether?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/01/2013 21:09

I'd be interested to know that too ZD.

Original poster
MillyStar · 14/01/2013 08:53

I've just dropped her off and there were lots of tears straight away ;(

Hopefully she will have calmed down now, my mum is going to pick her up at 3.45 for me!

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/01/2013 20:35

How was she at pick up?

Original poster
MillyStar · 15/01/2013 02:42

Sat playing happily, she started sobbing when she saw my mum but I can live with that!

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