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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Please please can someone help me as I am clearly sucking at this

61 replies

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 10:14

Just doing DS2's room. Yet again I am finding clean clothes he can not be arsed to put away. He carries them upstairs and dumps them. I have found clean clothes down the side of his drawers and under his bed. All need to be washed again. This has been going on for months, and his older brother does it too, and last week I refused to wash their clothes for 2-3 days as I had had enough. DS1 asked me too and said he would put them away so I did and he mostly has.

Why can a 7 year old not put his clothes away when asked? I have asked nicely. I have left notes (him at school when I put them in his room/find them dumped and I will forget once he is home) and I have shouted.

I am in a foul mood today. Up since 5 with bad asthma and had very little sleep. Not looking forward to Xmas at the inlaws and I am a very resentful mummy at the moment.

I have run around after them too much and that is my fault.

Please can someone tell me how to resolve this as I am close to tears here and it is such a stupid thing to be upset about.

I fold their clothes and make piles in the lounge. They stay there for days before they take them away and most of the time that is because they have been told too.

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Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 10:15

I could cry too at the books just dumped on the floor and down the side of the bed. I love that he reads so much but why can't he put them on the shelf?

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TeamBacon · 23/12/2012 10:17

Make him wear him uniform all the time until he changes his ways?

NotSpartacus · 23/12/2012 10:17

No tv / whatever toys they like until they have put their clothes away?

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TeamBacon · 23/12/2012 10:19

Hmm just seen that he's 7. Is it normal to expect a 7 year old to put away and tidy of his own accord? DS is only 5 and will keep his room tidy, but only if I tell him to on a very regular basis.

Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 10:26

I give him his clothes, or tell them where they are, and ask him to put them away. Surely that is enough?

Here I am doing his bedroom again as it is a mess and he just screams at me that it is too small and hard to keep tidy. It is small but has plenty of space for everything. He just doesn't put stuff away after playing. Another thing I have failed to teach them.

My other kids are 9 and 11 and do the same with their clothes.

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TeamBacon · 23/12/2012 10:30

That sounds fair enough. It was the bit about piles of clothes being in the lounge for days that made me wonder.

Hmm.. I would take away anything left out.

Doraemon · 23/12/2012 10:41

You sound really fed up :-(

DS1 (7, but has ASD so in some ways younger) is hopeless at tidying up/putting things away and can get very upset or angry if I tell him to tidy his room. But we have realised that it is partly just that he literally doesn't know where to start.
I'm pretty messy myself so I'm not as strict about it as I should be, but when it really needs doing I will either give him a list of things to put away in what order (e.g. clothes, books, teddies, cars, random bits of paper with football scores on which must NOT be thrown away.....) or I will actually go and sit in his room and talk him through what needs doing step by step. And then he would get pocket money as a reward. I'm hoping eventually it will sink in an he will feel more able to do it himself.
Might it be worth trying a few weeks of you supervising him doing what needs to be done (maybe with a reward chart or something?) just until he gets into the habit of doing it?

Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 11:19

I do explain how to do it. Put clothes on bed. Make piles of all pants, all tops, all pyjamas, etc then open each drawer and put the clothes in. When I do it I put clean clothes underneath to rotate but I don't expect them to do that. I think standing there while he does it might work but would be annoying for me, but needs must.

Thanks all.

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QTPie · 23/12/2012 11:32

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Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 11:37

I think at 7 and above they should be able to put their clothes away. Suddenly shoving everything in one drawer doesn't seem to bad. At least I don't have to rewash them then.

Currently washing his curtains since I discovered he had a nose bleed and wiped blood all over them.

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BertieBotts · 23/12/2012 11:44

Why do you have to re-wash them if they've been under the bed/behind the drawers? I wouldn't unless there's sticky or mouldy stuff down there (hopefully not!) - dust just brushes off.

I think it sounds quite a normal thing for children to not do and parents everywhere to get exasperated by. Don't beat yourself up :) Maybe try some kind of bribery incentive? Or build up to it by doing part of it for him or do it together at first.

Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 11:48

Didn't even think to brush the dust off. Another housekeeping fail. I will in future though!

I would let so much go if they were good/did as we asked most of the time..

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DorisIsWaiting · 23/12/2012 11:54

DD1 at 7 has started putting her clothes away (I'm not sure dd2 will be as helpful!). It's not perfect but she tries (It has conicided with joiniog brownies and doing good deeds ).

For the messy room with the 2 smaller dd I help them tidy up sometimes (or do it myself). When they are being particularly lazy/ unpleasanant I threaten the black bag and give the a time to have the room clear by anything after that time goes in the black bag and get earnt back. I.e doing smaller jobs dusting and setting table. I've only had to do this once as dd3 now screams NOOOOOOO mummy not the black bag! And starts tidying.

TeamBacon · 23/12/2012 11:59

"I do explain how to do it. Put clothes on bed. Make piles of all pants, all tops, all pyjamas, etc then open each drawer and put the clothes in. !

Sorry, I think this is too much to expect.

Sort the laundry for them - into trousers, tops, pants and socks and just put the sorted out pile in their room.

Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 12:29

SERIOUSLY?

It is too much to ask them to sort out no more than 6 things into piles?

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Startail · 23/12/2012 12:34

DCs don't put clothes away, it's way way simpler to do it for them and far less stressful.

DD2 knows this

I fight the battle occasionally, but honestly it isn't worth it.

QTPie · 23/12/2012 12:39

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QTPie · 23/12/2012 12:40

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Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 12:43

When I was 9 I practically kept house. I did hoovering, cleaning, shopping and ironing as well as taking care of the animals. Putting some clothes away and emptying the dishwasher seemed reasonable.

Back to me doing it then. I had pretty much decided I was going to as it was causing me stress them not doing it and then I saw the latest posts.

I do everything for them. I just wanted some help, I am shattered.

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lljkk · 23/12/2012 12:43

Stand over him & make him do it. If you do that enough (year or 2?) he will get the habit. This is DH's problem, he thinks DC just know how to do it & will remember without being supervised every time. DH never taught them how & I never taught them (I am satisfied to put their clothes away myself), but still DH just thinks they know & will do it (sigh).

How's this: my 4yo puts his own clothes away. Because he LIKES to. He also likes classical music & doing his homework sheets.

Seriously wondering if he needs to see a psychologist, or something.

BertieBotts · 23/12/2012 13:22

I think it might be too much to get used to in one go.

Sorting stuff into piles - fine.
Putting individual piles into individual drawers - fine.

But putting it all together and also expecting him to have the motivation to do it straight away rather than thinking "eh I'll do it later" is unlikely in one go.

I'd start off with one and try being very specific "Okay DS here are your clothes, the pile's in order. Can you put them into your drawers before you come down for dinner please?" (Then you can also ask when he comes down and if not send him back up to do it as it doesn't take long)

And/or if you're sorting out the clothes into piles ask him to help, then once he's got the hang of it it won't seem like such a big ask to ask him to put a pile of unsorted clothes away neatly.

QTPie · 23/12/2012 13:22

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TeamBacon · 23/12/2012 13:47

6 things, or 6 types of things?

This thread has prompted me to start DS putting his own clothes away though, so I gave him a small pile of trousers, PJs and pants and he was fine. If I'd given him a huge pile he would have just shoved it in the cupboard, but he did manage fine.

Sort it for now, and get them used to putting it away, and once they're in the habit of doing that, get them to do sorting themselves as well. One thing at a time.

Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 15:19

If it is one days worth it would be 6 things. So pyjamas, 1 pair of pants, a top and a jumper plus trousers. If they leave it then obviously it will be bigger piles. TBH I am beyond tired atm so will be putting them away myself. I asked them to wear their pyjamas at least twice before putting to wash. That lasted 3 days, back to one wear then washed. There is a pile of washing waiting to be folded. The airer is full, the drier is full and there are 2 beds to make and one pair of curtains to put back up. Dinner is made ready to go in the oven at 4.15pm. I have been up since 5 so will be falling asleep in my dinner I think.

Can anyone tell me what I can expect my children to be able to do please as they are pretty rubbish at doing anything more than a couple of times.

Boys - 7 and 11
Girl - 9

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Original poster

JustFabulous · 23/12/2012 15:20

He also lies and tells me he has done it and then I find them left out later.

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