Please please can someone help me as I am clearly sucking at this

[JustFabulous]

Just doing DS2's room. Yet again I am finding clean clothes he can not be arsed to put away. He carries them upstairs and dumps them. I have found clean clothes down the side of his drawers and under his bed. All need to be washed again. This has been going on for months, and his older brother does it too, and last week I refused to wash their clothes for 2-3 days as I had had enough. DS1 asked me too and said he would put them away so I did and he mostly has.

Why can a 7 year old not put his clothes away when asked? I have asked nicely. I have left notes (him at school when I put them in his room/find them dumped and I will forget once he is home) and I have shouted.

I am in a foul mood today. Up since 5 with bad asthma and had very little sleep. Not looking forward to Xmas at the inlaws and I am a very resentful mummy at the moment.

I have run around after them too much and that is my fault.

Please can someone tell me how to resolve this as I am close to tears here and it is such a stupid thing to be upset about.

I fold their clothes and make piles in the lounge. They stay there for days before they take them away and most of the time that is because they have been told too.

Thank you all . I will certainly read the book again.

After a difficult morning I have come to the conclusion it is me that is the problem, not my kids.

Just found lego not put away properly again and some has fallen into a paint box. I asked them why they hadn't put it away and I got blank looks.

DS2 asked if he could paint. Having had enough I told them it would all go in the bin not to be replaced if they didn't clean up. Unfair I think now. Anyway, there were 2 large pieces of dried paint flakes on the floor. DS2 knew they had falled off but he still left them there. Is it he is too young to think i need to put them in the bin or do they think mummy will do it ? He eventually saw them and put them in the bin and I didn't bin their paint bottles.

It would be much easier, if knackering, to just do it all myself but I am conscious that that isn't helping them in the future. I know I am pretty rubbish at keeping house at times as i never had anyone to show me how (brought up in care.)

I have started having anxiety attacks again which are worrying and painful at times and I know it is because I feel we will never get out of this rut where I feel knackered, out of my depth, resentful and scared for the future.

DS2 broke a decoration today and lied about it. I have told them so many times to just tell the truth and then it is over but lying makes it much much worse.

Thank you.

I know what my problem is and I will tell you so you can laugh at how daft I am. My childhood was shit. I so wanted my children to have a nice one. I didn't even want DS1 to cry . Going to be only child so I didn't see a problem in being soft with him and spoiling him. A stranger told me he was badly behaved now because I was too soft with him at 2 years old. While that may be true it hurt, especially coming from a random person who had never seen me before.

I want them to behave. It still hurts that MIL left the room, crying, in a strop while announcing my children don't have table manners. This was because I wanted to know what the problem was with them laughing at the table. (SHe was looking after them for me so I wasn't there.) Normally I let it all go (bit scared of her) but I had had enough of the minor things my children were getting told off for. She obviously didn't like me daring to question her. Xmas at the onlaws. Not looking forward to it.

Thanks again .

I have put the kids clothes away myself today. Much less stressful. They have still been difficult but one less thing to get annoyed about.

DS1 just said Father Christmas is all lies. He read it on the internet. I was as he said it in front of DS2 who totally still believes but I think was oblivious. I want the magic for them. I believed until much older than DS1 .

DS1 is 11, DD is 9. DH thinks neither believe. DD is being very good at playing along if that is true.

DS2 is 7 and totally believes .

I have told them you get nothing if you don't believe and I still believe.

Damn, I should have got something to leave DH from Santa. Might change a label...

Heh heh. Mine are 13, 11 and 9. They are exactly the same. Exactly.

And Ds (the just 11yo) is by far the worst culprit. By far.

I range between Attila the Hun (raging, standing over them, generally being the scariest parent known to man), resigned and browbeaten (and doing it myself), and sobbing and castigating myself for being so shit. Mostly I try to affect an air of zen calm and do the reasonable parent thang. None of them work particularly in terms of successful laundry dealings, tbh, but how I choose to deal with it at any given time has a huge impact on my own mental health.

I do occasionally remove all electrical items (they are also avid readers, but I can accept book clutter!) until the laundry is put away successfully. And stick to it.

We have also recently instigated them making their own breakfast on school days, making their packed lunches the night before, and generally taking some responsibility for their own day to day admin. It's improving.....

Seriously, it really isn't that unusual. By my dd's age, I was doing all of my own ironing. I am encouraging her to start doing this now, and they do love to help cook (she does all the baking).

Baby steps, and less stressing about it, seem to be the way ahead...

They do sort their own breakfasts. I dread to think some days what they have and if there is treats like croissants or chocolate brioches I am not sure much cereal/toast is had before hand.