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Parenting

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Original poster

New mums versus experienced mums

74 replies

soah · 11/04/2006 18:27

I am a new mom and although i welcome advice from other mums i hate it when they think they know it all and new mums are incompetant.When i was pregnant i was so sick of hearing "oh my god you have no idea what your in for!" and I was thinking I know but I cant wait to find thats why im having a kid If i didnt want to know and find out for myself i wouldnt have bothered getting pregnant in the first place!!

OP posts:

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Airy · 14/04/2006 03:05

My sil is pregnant with her first baby, I am so excited about being an auntie :o but I really have had to bite my tongue sometimes, I think these inane comments just fall out of us sometimes!
Speaking for myself at least I'm sure I've come out with one of these comments, I never mean to be horrid or trying to play some kind of 'one upmanship' game.
A few times I have blurted something out to my sil about how absolutely awful I found childbirth..immediately realised what I've done and countered it with a story of how my bf gave birth to her first in 2 hours easily! lol
I think sometimes it's really hard not to say something, when sil got pregnant I was the first person she told, before db (we're good friends) and I really developed an almost maternal thing and feel likeI need to help her and tell her everything!

Airy · 14/04/2006 03:10

Cat64, mumsnet is one bit of advice I cunningly hold back! lol
I couldn't bear for people that knew me to be on here, they'd know me immediately and I'd get paranoid about posting!
Mumsnet is mine!! despite having been here for a very short time...it's pulls you in! lol

Mamapossum · 14/04/2006 03:49

LOL Chipmonkey! Glad to know I'm not the only one with interfering MIL

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handlemecarefully · 15/04/2006 15:55

I don't generally give advice to new mums, but sorry I'm human and I can't keep rolling my eyes skywards to the heavens when some of them go into 'precious' mode. Flapping about everything and over worrying. I try to do this surreptitiously rather than openly because (a) I know it's not nice and (b) I was new mum once and was equally 'precious'

bigbaubleeyes · 16/04/2006 03:23

Response to initial post only: I agree i think its your right and absolute delight to discover things for yourself and not have to take heed of all the neve ending and confusing advice (unles asked for of course) - it got on my wick I wanted to enjoy the whole thing for myself and not feel as if I had to share it with dotty bits of advice - NO-ONE can advise you accurately cos THEY DONT KNOW YOUR BABY

happybebe · 16/04/2006 15:47

i dont mind who offers me advice after all i dont have to take it nor do i have to rethink how i choose to bring up my baby! take it with a pinch of salt or if you dont want someones advice tell them so! i live with my mother in law and she wouldnt dare preach to me!

OzJo · 18/04/2006 04:21

I used to get pissed off with being given utterly opposite bits of advice, usually from the health carers...( and other well meaning folk)...ie, you MUST wake your newborn to feed it after 4 hours...to NEVER wake your newborn to feed. Also how you can eat whatever you like and breastfeed and it won't affect wether your child gets wind....to, avoid brocholi, onions, leeks, garlic, tomatoes etc etc. I'd have ended up malnourished if I avoided everything I was supposed to. I was told by one healthcenter not to worry about "tummytime" that it was outdated etc....next baby, new part of the country, tummytime all the rage apparently. With time I just got better at working out what woked for me, and if in doubt checked it in " babylove" Robin Baker....that was my saviour.

SamBeardow · 18/04/2006 15:32

I had the "I hope you know what your letting yourself in for" from my mum, when I had my darling daughter.

I also got off her "You should be keeping her feet and legs warm" (while she was wearing a vest), even though the house is a lot warmer than it was (we used to have wooden windows, we now have plastic ones in, and we had a new central heating system), I almost feel as though she was trying to tell me how to look after her, although things are a lot better now.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/04/2006 15:50

I used to hate the comments when I was pg, especially the negative ones, heres my favourites;

'Youve got it all to come now, sleepless nights, early mornings'
'oh you will soon lose the weight when baby is born, be too busy to eat'
'you wont stick at washable nappies'

I remember being such a nervous mum (and pg) at times and hated going to baby groups to 'compare' babies development too. I look back and think how ridiculous some things are which I worried about!

Only comments I get now are 'well do you think you will have number 2 then?' grrr!

Whatever stage you are in parenting it seems someone has something to say!

NotAnOtter · 18/04/2006 18:03

yeah in a cafe the other day a (really nice) woma was commenting on my newborn. Me and dp showed him off proudly and told her how good he was. she kept tuutting and then said 'wait till you have your second - that one wont be so good'
I nodded and left the cafe. Outside i smiled to dp cos i just could noot tell her -- he is our fifth!

NotAnOtter · 18/04/2006 18:04

sorry

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/04/2006 22:20

LOL Notanotter! Great story!

YanksUponThames · 18/04/2006 22:30

Good for you, too, mumfor1standfinaltime! I totally agree. You're right about this --

*Only comments I get now are 'well do you think you will have number 2 then?' grrr!

Whatever stage you are in parenting it seems someone has something to say!*

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/04/2006 23:09

Thanks Yanksuponthames! Just get soooo bored of this question!
Every so often I will say to dh 'got asked the next baby question again today' to which he replies 'oh yeah, what a surprise'

Bit like when you move in together - 'so when are you getting married', so you get married. Then its. 'so when do we hear the pitter patter of tiny feet'
Then its 'so when is number 2 coming then?'

Wonder which question would be next?!

ShaysMummy · 18/04/2006 23:11

ooh soah! totally agree. i am a young mum too!
the comments!
i was close to comitting murder!

handlemecarefully · 18/04/2006 23:11

So erm...when is number 2 coming then?

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/04/2006 23:13

gggrrr!

watch this space, for a looong time...!

ShaysMummy · 18/04/2006 23:13

i hope that wasnt at me handleme!!
am 5 months gone actually...

'you will have your hands full with 2 under 2'

'thanks, now sod off'

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/04/2006 23:15

shays, 'how will you cope?'!!

ShaysMummy · 18/04/2006 23:15

'oh god knows!' (thru gritted teeth)

handlemecarefully · 18/04/2006 23:17

Oh you will have your hands full with 2 under 2! (lol!!!)

Congratulations btw

ShaysMummy · 18/04/2006 23:42

'fanks! x
:)

happybebe · 19/04/2006 12:43

shaysmummy lol i am a young mum too and am due my second in two months my first has just turned a year! xx

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