ok, i'm a crap mum, help me get back on the right track please.

[ThisIsNotWhatIWasAfter]

Ds1 is 3.5 and i feel like all i ever do is shout and i hate it there has to be a better way to deal with things. I want shouting to be a last resort not the normal way of dealing with things. He drives me bankers with the refusing to put his coat on to go to nursery etc. Running away when we're on our way home and refusing to come back even though we're near a busy road.

Last night felt like the last straw i was bathing him and his brother (ds2 is 1)and they were both screaming blue murder and i just wanted to scream "shut the f up" I didn't but i so wanted to. I feel awful i don't want him thinking i don't love him. How can i be better at this.
Sorry if this is a bit rambling but i feel like the worst mum in the world right now and if i don't learn to deal with stuff now how am i going to cope when i have two teenagers that i will have given all sorts of horrible issues. .

Please someone? There must be a way to learn better parenting techniques.

hi
so sorry you are feeling like this. I have mentally (and veryvery quietly audibly) on occasion screamed shut the fuck up at DS (3) and DD(18m). It happens, don't feel bad. If toddlers were adults they would be massively unpopular, selfish gits but because they're adorable when asleep we forgive them allsorts! I find what works best with DS is constantly finding the thing that he wants to do next and using it as a bribe, not generally food, unless I was going to give it to him anyway but TV, the playgroup, his trainset whatever and just say to him repeatedly, I need you to put coat on now, or we can't go to playgroup. When he lolls around on the floor thinking its a game, I leave his coat next to him and walk away for a minute ..he usually comes up and asks me to put it on. The key to it is leaving yourself enough time so that you can do this. When I am trying to get them both out of the house by 7.25 so I can get to work, its tough, and usually that is when they have a banana and rusk in the car (along with story CD) as the bribe, but it works. There is nothing worse then losing it, yelling, having them yelling and still not co-operating. TIME is definitely the key to things, might mean you have to get up a touch earlier, build in more contingency time but it just means you can be calmer and more measured.

No advice from me, more a partner in misery. We have just one DD who has just turned 4 and it feels like a constant battle to get her to do anything. Rationally I know she is just being a child, pushing boundaries etc but it is still bloody annoying when she won't put her coat on. I also try to just leave her if she's not cooperating, but sometimes there's just not time.

At the risk of getting a reputation as the MNer who suggests 1-2-3 Magic for every behaviour / parenting query...

I can recommend 1-2-3 Magic. No, I'm not affiliated with them in any way, or getting commission. We had four children under 4.5 and in desperation I tried several parenting books & courses. This was the only one that was workable in the long-term.

Positive parenting course (Triple P Parenting course)? If you get in touch with your council or local children's centre you should be able to access this course for free. Sometimes there will be a free creche for while the course is going on.

what is 123 magic?

www.123magic.com
You can buy the book from online or real-life bookshops and many libraries also stock it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1445159-123-magic-does-it-work

I'm so glad (but sad) that i'm not the only one. I hate the thought of him growing up thinking that i don't love him because i'm a horrible shouty mum. Thanks for the link i'll investigate that i know there has to be a better way than what i'm doing now.