Is getting up at night my responsibility because I don't go to work???

[panchagarmendia]

hi there, the story behind this question is that ds (9 months) was unwell yesterday evening, temperature 38.7 and a running nose (do you say that? i'm german, not sure if this is correct, but i guess you know what i mean :)), so he couldn't sleep, woke up every half hour or so and i got up to comfort him, give him his medicine, something to drink etc. while dh was snoring peacefully all through to 6 o'clock this morning. so while i was wandering around the house with ds in my arms i asked myself is this really fair, just because i don't have to be in the office at 7 a.m.? i won't be able to get a lie down either during the day, have dd (almost 3 yrs) to entertain too! the thing is dh would just sleep through anything even if a bomb exploded next to him let alone dd or ds crying at night! but if i dare to wake him up because i need some rest too he will only grumble at me and be cross, in the middle of the night i don't need that either! so i'm wondering whether i'm overdemanding and this is just what i bargained for when i chose to stay at home to raise the kids ... ???

He should do his share. Full stop. Any man worth his salt would. My DH did with ours and does his bit with the grandkids too.

I cant believe all this ... (reads more) where are all the new men? My DH has his faults (and I let him know) but he has always pitched in with the kids, I expected it as my dad did. I am 46, my partner his 47 and my dad is 81!

When I had dd (now 3) dp and I talked it over and we agreed that I would get up in the night during the week and we would take turns at the weekend. Seemed reasonable to me as I could sleep when the baby slept during the day.

However...when dp took a couple of weeks holiday a few months down the line I (foolishly? naively?) expected him to do alternate nights just like we did at weekends. But oh no...he actually told me that he was on holiday which meant he didn't have to get up. When I asked when do I get a holiday he basically said that I didn't .

He knew immediately that he'd said the wrong thing to a tired and emotional first time mum, especially after I called him a pr*ck and stormed off to sleep in the spare room

hi, have to say i'm surprised you got this far - given the age of your kids - without having discussed this/needed to discuss this before! i'm a SAHM (although I do some freelance work from home) and DH works ft. DD is a good sleeper but when she wakes it's whoever gets up first that goes to her - that is maybe on balance more often dh than me, although it's pretty equal. he never complains, sees it as part of being a parent. but at weekends we usually each have a night where we are the one assigned to get up. if dd is going through a restless period - like when teething - we often agree before going to bed who will get up with her. it would be more of an issue if dd was a bad sleeper i think, but it also depends on your individual sleep needs. some people just need more sleep than others and would be a wreck without it.

Mostly probably - but you can negotiate a lie in

i think the answer to the question is really up to the individual couple to make. depends on lots of factors really. and in reality probably needs to be renegotiated from time to time as and when circs change. if you feel that you could do with the odd night when you're not 'on duty', i would bloody well ask you dh for this, although i would do this before you go to sleep and not during the middle of the night. then if he's previously agreed to get up, he doesn't have much ground to grumble when you wake him in the night.