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Original poster

Is getting up at night my responsibility because I don't go to work???

106 replies

panchagarmendia · 30/03/2006 15:46

hi there, the story behind this question is that ds (9 months) was unwell yesterday evening, temperature 38.7 and a running nose (do you say that? i'm german, not sure if this is correct, but i guess you know what i mean :)), so he couldn't sleep, woke up every half hour or so and i got up to comfort him, give him his medicine, something to drink etc. while dh was snoring peacefully all through to 6 o'clock this morning. so while i was wandering around the house with ds in my arms i asked myself is this really fair, just because i don't have to be in the office at 7 a.m.? i won't be able to get a lie down either during the day, have dd (almost 3 yrs) to entertain too! the thing is dh would just sleep through anything even if a bomb exploded next to him let alone dd or ds crying at night! but if i dare to wake him up because i need some rest too he will only grumble at me and be cross, in the middle of the night i don't need that either! so i'm wondering whether i'm overdemanding and this is just what i bargained for when i chose to stay at home to raise the kids ... ???

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 22:26

Well imo and e it's much easier cruising at work than it is at home with children, definitely. I know I said it before but I'll say it again: those who are WOTH AND Getting Away with a full nights sleep are getting it damn easy imo. Btw, I have been a full time WOTHM bringing in all our income AND getting up at night in turns with dh, who was a SAHD so I have absolutely put my money where my mouth is. And my job isn't/wasn't poxy either, involves £m!

red37 · 30/03/2006 22:28

dh could never cope with the night feeds with working during the day but on ocassions if off the following day he would take over

Rhubarb · 30/03/2006 22:30

WWW - I read that as MOTH! Agree with turn-taking, but if your partner's job involves driving or operating machinery, then I really don't think they should get up at night, it's dangerous.

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Bozza · 30/03/2006 22:30

I think I'm with www here - I didn't have much choice about being able to cope when I was breastfeeding and working.

soapbox · 30/03/2006 22:36

Of course it is perfectly possible to woth and get up in the night - any families where both parents work have to do this.

On that basis it just comes down to how parents want to arrange the night shift, taking into account any other domestic responsibilities etc.

In our case, my DH prefers not to get up in the night but doesn't mind getting up early in the morning. So I have always done night duties but have been compensated for this by getting all of the weekend lie ins, if it has been a disturbed week.

Both of us work, but I cope better on less sleep during the week as long as I get a decent lie in at the weekend.

My Mother (a SAHM) had it sussed I reckon! She told us that she was deaf during the night and that if we needed anything we were to shout on Daddy. Daddy was very impressed that his 3 girls all loved him so much that it was him they wanted if they woke in the night that he did it uncomplaininglyGrin

Took me years to work out that Mum was lyingGrinGrinGrin

To think she managed to work out the key to negotiation skills (the win win solution) without wasting weeks of her life on poxy management training coursesGrin

soapbox · 30/03/2006 22:36

Of course it is perfectly possible to woth and get up in the night - any families where both parents work have to do this.

On that basis it just comes down to how parents want to arrange the night shift, taking into account any other domestic responsibilities etc.

In our case, my DH prefers not to get up in the night but doesn't mind getting up early in the morning. So I have always done night duties but have been compensated for this by getting all of the weekend lie ins, if it has been a disturbed week.

Both of us work, but I cope better on less sleep during the week as long as I get a decent lie in at the weekend.

My Mother (a SAHM) had it sussed I reckon! She told us that she was deaf during the night and that if we needed anything we were to shout on Daddy. Daddy was very impressed that his 3 girls all loved him so much that it was him they wanted if they woke in the night that he did it uncomplaininglyGrin

Took me years to work out that Mum was lyingGrinGrinGrin

To think she managed to work out the key to negotiation skills (the win win solution) without wasting weeks of her life on poxy management training coursesGrin

soapbox · 30/03/2006 22:36

OopsBlush

soapbox · 30/03/2006 22:37

That should of course be where both parents WOTH before I get pounced on!

brimfull · 30/03/2006 22:42

I'm a sahm

I always get up.Dh may get up if he's not working the next day but he usually wakes me up too so it's useless really.

Passionflower · 30/03/2006 22:55

Haven't read all the posts but I'd say generally yes.

Must admit that experience has taught DH to realise when I'm at the absolute end of my tether with exhaustion (not that it's diffecult to spot Grin and to take over just before I go critical though.

Sparklemagic · 30/03/2006 23:20

well, redtartanlass, I've never had a lazy day at home with my DS! Blimey!

Sparklemagic · 30/03/2006 23:23

Bozza and WWW, I'm with you and like your posts Smile

Sparklemagic · 30/03/2006 23:25

ooh and Soapbox your mum was a genius!!! Hope she got the nobel prize for dealing with nightime wakings in a way that suited everybody.

Sparklemagic · 30/03/2006 23:25

I'll stop posting now Blush

ShaysMummy · 30/03/2006 23:50

It appears to be my responsibility and i am currently working and almost 5 months pregnant!

Sparklemagic · 31/03/2006 00:13

hmm, sounds like Shaysdaddy is living the life of Riley atm.....give us his mobile number, I'll ring him at 3am....Wink

nightowl · 31/03/2006 00:50

havent read every post but ummm...i dont know. i can say a lot of bad things about ds's dad (i really can) but he did always share the night feeds with me. (we did alternate ones). later on ds was often very poorly with his asthma, we were both working full time and it was mostly up to me then. i had time off from work when i could but quite often stayed in hospital all night with him and dragged myself to work the next morning when granny took over! im not sure about this one.

ghosty · 31/03/2006 03:17

DH works and I am a SAHM but DH does do it if I need him to. I have to say though that more often than not I wake up first if DD wakes and I don't see the point in waking him up to go because then both of us are awake IYSWIM? If DD is really bad and won't go back to sleep then we do it in turns ... DH always seems to be the one who ends up getting her back to sleep in the end though.

arfissimeau · 31/03/2006 03:53

I've always got up in the night/in the morning. Even when I was working and DP wasn't. Can you believe it? Lazy ba$tard. Fume.

I am still bitter about it and have to restrain myself from doing something nasty to DP whenever I think about it.

pooka · 31/03/2006 07:32

Not quite the same topic, but if dh or his brothers were sick in the night PIL had a rule that if it was on the bed, MIL would deal with it, if it was on the floor FIL would deal with it. MIL used to tip sick onto the floor and go back to bed Grin
With us, I did all nights until stopped night feeds at sixish months. THen dh took over regardless that he was at work.
This is particularly useful now, because there really isn't time for me to sleep when the baby sleeps because have dd 2.9 and ds 6 months. He agrees (dear man) that I need more sleep than him (am a real bed lover). And so now if dd wakes (not very common and quite easy to deal with) I go in, and if ds wakes, dh goes in (the reasoning being that he isn't waking because of hunger).

WideWebWitch · 31/03/2006 09:03

ha ha pooka re mil and sick!

happybebe · 31/03/2006 10:04

i have strong feelings on this. IMO my DH and i made the decision to have the baby TOGETHER that means we SHARE all the work even though he goes out to work every day. when he gets home he bathes the baby and puts to bed and i get a break, then on the rare occasions that my son does wake in the night i will get up. we take it in turns who gets a lie in at the weekend and never say to each other, you dont do enough. having a baby is both parents responsibilities and being a SAHM is just as difficult as going to work in fact IMO harder as you are often in the house all day with a baby that cannot talk etc and you have noone to offload on, you dont get paid you dont get a lunch break and sometimes you dont even get a toilet break! its very tiring and with me now seven months preg i certainly find it hard work so DH will be doing some of the night feeds with the new one!

anniemac · 31/03/2006 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooka · 31/03/2006 20:28

I know WWW Grin
Shame I can't strike that bargain now as he'd know the trick!

wannaBe1974 · 31/03/2006 21:15

tbh I would never dream of not getting up to my DS in the night, but I guess that's because DS generally only wakes in the night if he's ill. I did all the feeds when he was little though, but if he's sick then generally we do both get up as one can stay with DS and the other can get calpol etc, or when he had the flu bug a few weeks ago and he was sick every night I was the one who cleaned up DS while DH changed his bed etc. I would be somewhat put out if DH didn't get up to help me when DS was sick like that, but he'd never not get up if I asked him to help me,but I wouldn't expect him to ever get up and leave me sleeping.

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