Worried about strangers baby

[Dolliedaydream]

I can't get this experience today out of my head and not sure what if anything I can do about it.

In tescos this afternoon I heard very loud continuous crying, definitely a baby but really distressed. The mum slowly passed by with a newborn and a girl of about three in a double trolley, baby in the blue reclining section, not a car seat, she didnt seem to be paying attention to the baby at all and was looking at the products. The crying continued and was really distressing, an employee on the shop floor said she heard the mum say to the baby 'well pull yourself up then'.

I went up to her, the baby was all crumpled up and clearly uncomfortable he had no blanket or warm clothing, I asked how old he was and she said a week, I said he sounds unhappy maybe he's hungry, she said he had been fed before he came out. I asked if she wanted to pick him up and I would push her trolley or the other way round, she said no it's fine. Then her mum appeared and said I can carry him if you want. She lifted him up and kind of slung him on her shoulder. It didn't look ideal but it was better and he was quiet.

I know we all have times when our baby is crying but this crying was like nothing I have heard before especially for a newborn and I couldn't ignore it like these two could.

Would it be a waste of time reporting this?, I don't know who she is, where she lives and she hasn't done anything exceptionally wrong but it is really bugging me, I keep thinking that child welfare is everyone's concern. So many people were looking and some of us talking, none of us doing.

golden - seriously - the OP had 2 minutes of an insight into this womans life - how on earth can you start going on about cuddling on demand and loving a child - the woman might have been having a totally shit day and have been cuddling that baby for hours and wanted to get on and shop -

it is absolutely absurd to make any judgement at all about a woman because her baby is crying and because she doesn't respond immediately in a supermarket.

I actually think our culture ad society is really depressing when people can be so judgmental of other people and their parenting.

I find this thread really depressing and OP - you have NO idea about this woman's life.

I remember travelling on the bus home when DS was a couple of weeks old and DD was just 2. We had been on a trip out to a museum and had just got on the bus. DD had a seat but there was nowhere for me to sit and I had DS in a sling. He started crying and someone offered me a seat. I was just sitting down to unpeel all the layers (it was January) to feed DS, the woman sitting in front of us was huffing and tutting and turned round crossly to say 'that baby's hungry' and got an eyeful of breastmilk . It did shut her up though!

MissyMoo, believe me I very much live in the 'real world' whatever the fuck that means?? My Birth of DS was very difficult- he was induced and during the birth had several dips in heart rate and oxygen levels, he was a forceps delivery and had a black eye from the birth, a cut on his head from the forceps. I had a 3rd degree tear. I was offered counselling for my experience when I was pregnant with DD as the midwife deemed it as traumatic from just reading my notes. DD was induced but it was a better birth. My DS did honestly not sleep through regularly until he was approaching his 5th birthday this year. Dd does not sleep through and she is 19 months. I have had 5 odd years of sleep deprivation. My mum lives 4 hours away and my Dad works in Aftica 3 months at a time so I do not have this great family support system close by. I do not live in a world where people do my shopping for me. The woman the OP describes clearly does though, so what possesses someone to take a 1 week old to a setting that will stress them out if they don't need to do that. It is 'depressing' to think that 'The shops' are someone's priority when they have a 1 week old.

The baby has only just come out of this woman a week prior. It is totally unnatural to plonk such a young vulnerable baby in a cold, plastic car seat and then taunt the baby with the words, 'well pull yourself up then.' it is just wrong on many levels. You don't need to spend a day in the life of someone before you can categorically say there is something wrong. It is no wonder that abuse of babies and toddlers gets missed- so many people bleat on about not judging, 'you don't know what kind of day the mum has had' blah, blah blah, trouble is not enough people get involved as it is seen as interfering.

I am sticking by my guns. So many children die from abusive and neglectful parents. Gut feeling says it all sometimes. Yes it could be annoying for the mother but what if her baby is a few days away from dying because he is permanently cold, hungry and uncared for in every way and because she doesn't give a shit?
no one is perfect but babies deserve other people to stick up for them.
Went to a cp course last week, and an example came up of someone mistreating their child in tesco, concerned person went to customer services, CCTV was viewed, car reg was found and it was reported, depending on what else was known about that family, ss would have done nothing or something. Not our call at that pont, but doing nothing is cowardly when a child's life could easily, YES easily be at risk.

goldenbear with you totally. So much gets missed because people are reluctant to report, in every case of children dying that has hit the press, someone along the line had a piece of information that could have prevented the death of that child but didn't share it so it got missed.

Taunt the baby with words...... [hconfused]

You do know babies can't understand don't you. She wasn't swearing or shouting she (apparently) said 'well pull yourself up then' I've probably said things like that thousands of times when my lot have been little. (I'll pm you my details so you can report me)

You seem a little neurotic about this minor incident for someone who has had such a hard time of it. [hhmm]

I can relate to this as my DS cried every time he was in his pushchair until he was 8 months old. When I say cried I mean screaming, thrashing and mega tantrums, he wasn't cold, wet, hungry he just hated it and being on 99th centile was not easy to sling. It was horrible and mortifying quite often i couldnt bare to take him out and I know pre DS if I had seen it I would have judged.

You don't know anything about this woman from such a small snapshot!!

How very decent of you to insert a sceptical face over my personal details. Why would you be sceptical about my personal anecdotes? Yes it is true and have been posting on mumsnet since 2007 so my archives definitely back up my sleep deprivation problems. I never said I had a hard time off it. I was telling you how your assumptions about me where all wrong and were probably made by you to back your fairly weak argument up - I.e don't intervene because everyone does it, no well they don't actually, some people are civilised and have some natural, maternal feelings for their 1 week old baby!

The fact that YOU have said similar things to your baby/babies doesn't make it any better. What an odd thing to be proud of.

figgygal, a 1 week old baby that is crying in a supermarket plastic car seat style chair is very different to a baby that is months old not liking it's pushchair.

It is just unnatural to not react to a scenario that is obviously very alien to a 1 week old. It is avoidable and it is chilling to hear someone talk in such a dismissive manner to such a small vulnerable baby. Sometimes you do have to make a judgement as it maybe critical to a babie's safety or even life. You do hear of cases in the news where any signs have been missed as lots of people take the attitude that MissyMoo has. It is an irresponsible and sad individualistic view to take IMO.

Baby's not 'babie's'

Crying baby shocker!!!

The hysteria by some on this thread is hilarious, well it would be if it wasn't so fucking sad.

5 minutes in a supermarket could make mother theresa look evil.

Its more of a - how can you be so over the top and judgemental and, frankly, hysterical about this woman and her child when you have also been sleep deprived and sore and not at your best - face.

Have you never said to your children - 'Go and put your coat on then' knowing they are only a week old and can't do it. Or 'do you fancy a cuppa' or 'do you want fishfingers for tea then' or any other manner of frankly silly things that you know they can't do, its called interacting with your child. So yes I have to say that I am proud of the fact I speak to them even when they can't understand and what I'm saying doesn't make sense anyway.

I could see your point if she was hitting her child or screaming in his face, but she wasn't. She let a baby cry for a few minutes until her mum came and picked him up, do you really think thats worthy of tracking her down and getting social services involved?

Dungarees and a t-shirt, it is the end of October? Supermarkets have refrigated aisles that are very cold even in the summer. I had a March baby and took her in her own car seat around Sainsburys when she was about 4 weeks old, it was April by then and she woke up half away around, it was chilly and an old woman commented on her needing a blanket. She was right, no offence taken, I didn't crumble to the floor because someone had rightly remarked on her maybe needing a blanket, I went and got one. She was crying as well so I went and fed her in the cafe (gasp) on demand. If this baby was 1 week old it was probably hungry as at that age I found i was feeding pretty much every hour. I didn't expect my DD to wait until I browsed FFS!

'chilling' WTF seriously.

'well pull yourself up' is very different from 'pass my tea'. And why, why is she waiting for her mum to pick HER 1 week old baby up. Do you think the baby wants the mum or the gran.

I don't understand where your coming from atall shmaltzing, yes let's just all turn a blind eye.

Yes 'chilling' it is chilling because it suggests a certain loathing for someone who deserves the complete opposite from their parents at such a young age. As i said up thread it is the accumulative behaviour not the individual actions.

Accumulative behaviour? From 5 minutes in a supermarket? Really

Working in CP is your job but I'm not talking about a job or being unprofessional in my assessment. I know that CP is not always efficient and children do loose their lives or are seriously physically or emotionally harmed as a result of those inefficiencies. It is really imperative that people do feel responsible for child protection as a society and no just rely upon 'the authorities' that clearly do not always get it right.

So why didn't the mother just pick the baby up then, why the apathy, why the wait - it is not natural at that age to just ignore those crys as a mother!

I agree with Schmaltz.

Would you interfere if you saw a domestic row? You cannot change all the wrongs of the world. There isn't anything you can do about it - you don't know who on earth this woman is.

Of course we shouldn't turn a blind eye to things we can do something about but in this situation there is nothing you can do.