do you and dh/p share responsibility for the extras?

[lafemmequipensequelleestunchap]

I mean getting homework done, making Easter bonnets, sending off cheques for swimming lessons, making birthday cards etc etc. cos we don;t and I'm having a sulk.

er, no. well, he does stuff if i remind him, but what's the point of that...? i'm possibly not the most rational atm though, as i had a big strop yesterday as he didn't make me a cup of coffee when he made one for himself....

You're joking aren't you!? Dh lives in his own little world where he only takes the initiative or does stuff that relates directly to him. Fortunately I'm a bit of a control freak so rather welcome the fact that I can just get on with things and do them my way without interference from him. Occasionally his general selfishness and crapness does get to me and I throw a strop but nothing ever changes ....

no - he wouldn't know there was such things as 'extras'.

heh. i had to organise for DP to sit down with DD and make ME a mother's day card.

i must be very lucky then, dh does loads of that stuff without me telling him to.

yes he does. he's very good about paying for swimming lessons and he always has stamps in his wallet.He doesn't do making though-at all!!!!
but he's good at buying cards and he helps ds with his homework.
makes his packed lunch most days too.

I've just been away on business for 12 days (eeek!). DH (who works full time in an investment bank) has been making packed lunches; checking reading and filling in the reading book; supervising the making of the alien outfit for "Alien Day"; cheer-leading the later stages of potty training and up with a feverish and stroppy 2 year old for 7 of the 12 nights! So, yes, when push comes to shove, he does deal with the extras!

No. And it pisses me off grand style and I think you are entitled to your sulk. I am sick of being the domestic bloody angel round here.

One thing I have instigated is alternating who deals with party invites - as in not just taking the appropriate Inferiorette but doing the lot: from replying to buying the present to buying the wrapping paper to the card to the whole thing. It actually works, if I stick utterly to my guns with occasional reminders.

I just categorically refuse to be social secretary for the whole family, and painful though my trip was on many fronts, it did show that my "co-parenting" regime works. I similarly never buy birthday or Christmas presents for DH's family or send cards at Christmas to his friends - he does all of that.

Oh bloody hell, no, don't do any of that whatsoever. Or his packing or suchlike, good grief no.

yes yes yes yes - but i have to tell him. tell him to write letters, post letters, buy a card, make a card, etc. he knows if the kids say " help me with homework" there is no way he can say no. and we share that pretty evenly. i do making stuff but force him to contribute if teachers have asked for fking mount everest made out of papier mache or something.

if your asking does he sit there and think he should do these things - i can honestly say that apart from work, food, money, computer, hardly anything else enters his head. his mother wouldnt have a mothers day card. i only got one after i kicked up holy shit - and therefore that doesn't count.

same as custy's 1st para here.

Tu rigoles lafemme.

DH can't even manage to take his suits to the dry cleaners.

My mothers day card from DS is on the bookcase unsigned and never put in the envelope.

He would help with homework, though, I think, if asked (DS a bit young for that yet).

I delegate some of the extras, he wouldn't do them otherwise. I usually wait until I am obviously harrassed doing other things and he is sitting about and then say "you'll need to help DS1 with his homework/listen to his reading/write that cheque and put in an envelope". Otherwise DH wouldn't notice/realise these things needed done and that his help would be appreciated.

Yes, but he has to be told - I tell him it's his mothers birthday or whatever..... he sorts it or he doesn't - up to him.

Yes my dh does and doesn't generally have to be told.

No I have to do all that stuff, he didn't even buy his mum a mothers day card, He thinks he is excempt as she has grandchildren. Mindyou I haven't sent one to my MUm, but then we didn't have tea at her house.

As for the rest of it it is all down to me from milk money to taking to kids clubs.

No, but is getting into the swing of it now he doesnt work all day every day.
Occasionally there will be half filled lunch boxes ready for the morning etc.

How annoying sobernow, what a lazy arse (other bloke)! mini hijack alert

sobernow. what a horrendous story! If I'm away dh gets on with it all and that so wouldn;t happen. In our case it's just one of those de facto situations you find yourselves in and you don;t really know how it happened. I sort out parties, presents, anything vaguely crafty, he tends to do more of the cooking, arranges our adult social life, periodically sorts out the piles of mail and buys gadgets. (I probably wouldn;t have a computer, a camera, a dvd player if left to my own devices) We're so much more traditional than I ever imagined. pathetic

yep. i have to put it out there that it needs done, though.

i like doing all the cardmaking, wrapping, etc.

i love homework - used to tutor both young and older adults and undergrad students.