Grand Parents

[DarkRibboner]

We have four children who are all grown up. They have given us seven beautiful grand children so far. It would be great if we saw more of them. I know they have their own family life now, being adults themselves. Sunday lunches more often would be good. Just saying. Not sure if I sign this. Grand Children call me Pom Pa. Real Name is Nick.

People don't normally sign their real names. Your children may be on here and may recognise you.

How child friendly are your house/expectations?

I love being invited to Sunday lunch at the in-laws because we can all go swimming or skating and come out ravenous and lunch is all ready. Then the kids go and play with 1980s toys while we chill out on the sofa. But we couldn't do it every weekend. If the kids are invited to a birthday party on a Saturday, we need Sunday for homework, room tidying and chilling out at home just the four of us.

How lovely :). Both my and my partners parents live 3+ hrs drive and we'd love to be closer. I think just telling them what you posted here ie we'd love to see you more often but realise you have your own life/routines now. Let us know if/what we can do to help. Guess depends on ages of children and distance etc.

Yes, you need to ask outright what would make it easier for them. I know a family situation where GPs (retired) who lament how little they see their grandchildren yet are totally unwilling to adapt to the activities of younger family members. Lunch has to be at a certain time so if the grandchildren have practice, they can't make it to GPs in time for lunch. It's very sad.

Also any possibility of having grandchildren to stay overnight? Don't feel you have to take all the siblings at once. Recently DS asked to stay at his GPs by himself (10). He's been before with his sister when we've been invited to child free weddings etc but we don't like to ask too often for both of them at the same time as we worry about tiring out the GPs with squabbles etc.
When DS asked to go by himself it was lovely for everyone. GPs really enjoyed time alone with DS who is always charming when away from his sister. We enjoyed time alone with DD without anyone winding her up.

Have you invited them for Sunday lunch? Or up for the weekend?

Agree that making sure your house/expectations are child-friendly is important! For example, my eldest son is a really, really picky eater. He occasionally tries something new or eats a vegetable - but in a strange house is NOT the time to start trying to persuade him - he just gets really stressed. Once my mum and dad accepted that he would probably just eat toast / bread and butter / fruit, meals got much easier! Before then it was really difficult trying to get them to stop cajoling him and calm him down.

Having some toys at your house is a great idea. Both my parents and my inlaws have loads of old toys that get brought out - and any valuable / delicate things are moved up to higher shelves before we arrive! That makes us feel much more welcome and I don't have to be on red alert the whole time so enjoy our time together much more.

How old are your grand kids? If big family lunches are tricky perhaps there are other ways you could spend time together eg going to watch sports / music lessons etc? That could be a good time for some 1-1 time with them as individuals, and if you can drive them there / back you might be surprised at how much more chatty they are in the car!

I'd love to start doing Sunday lunches more but not necessarily with the same set if grandparents. Our weekends are a bit manic at the moment an sometimes the expectations of one set of grandparents become a bit much,and Sunday lunch means we can't fit anything else into the day.

There could be many reasons why you don't have more Sunday lunches with them, but with 4 children you must be pretty busy?!