Overweight daughter - advice please

[user12785]

Hello, sorry this is long)
My dd is 8, tall for her age (99 centile), and also very heavy. She is now about 7 stone, and now needs age 13 school skirts (for height she would need 10-11). She is all bum, tum and thighs. She was a heavy baby at 9lb 11. Once she got to age 2 1/2 she was off the top of the chart for weight, and still is.

I don't think I'm burying my head in the sand or missing the obvious, but I seriously don't know why she's so heavy.

This is what she had to eat yesterday, which is very typical and always has been. Porridge with tsp honey, very watered down OJ. Break-time water and pear. Lunch wholemeal pitta with slice of quorn ham and spinach, nectarine, small petit filous, humzinger fruit bar, carton of blackcurrant juicy water. After school snack was a Go Ahead biscuit and water. Dinner was couscous, quorn fillet, cauliflower, carrot, peas, low salt Kallo stock. Desert slices of apple and unbuttered piece of malt loaf. Small glass of watered down apple juice.

Week days meals will be pretty similar, weekends she is allowed a glass of lemonade and we have a vegetarian roast dinner with "proper" desert eg apple crumble and custard on Sundays.

On Fridays we go for an ice cream or hot choc after school if she has enough stickers on her chart. (I know food shouldn't be a reward, it's more about the outing really.)

Her portion sizes aren't enormous - I still use the children's plastic plates deliberately so she can't possibly be having adult portions.

She can't be stealing food as there's nothing really in the house to steal! Thee are still Easter eggs in the back of the fridge - if she was stealing food they would have gone long ago! She doesn't have any opportunities to buy food herself. Given the opportunity however she would eat and eat. I manage that when I am with her, but I am aware that she is the first to the food table and last to leave it at parties etc.

She does 5 hours of organised sport / dance during the week, plus PE twice a week at school and playing on the park several days a week, plus walks, bike rides etc at weekends. We are unable to walk to school, but I do park about 1/2 mile away and we walk the last bit.

DH and I are at a loss as to what to do. Dh hasn't wanted to us to take her to the doctors as he was worried it would make an issue of it for her. Up till now dd has been fairly oblivious, apart from getting upset when favourite clothes get too tight very quickly, but since the start of this term she has been looking at herself in the mirror and crying that she is fat, so I really have to help her now.

Could there be a medical reason? I'm thinking of making an appointment with the GP and taking along a food diary and the red book but not my daughter, in the first instance, as I'm so worried about upsetting her. Up till now when she's asked me if she's fat I have replied that she is bigger than some other girls, but that she is beautful. Taking her to the GP would be admitting to her that, actually, she is fat.

PS In case it matters, DH, me and DS, who have a very similar diet, and less exercise, are not overweight.

Any advice? Thanks.

here is a list of vegetables and it includes protein amounts

Go for lima beans and garden peas or corn on the cob they are a really good source of protein.

I do not think that your child is eating too much, provided that the portions are not larger than they should be (which it really doesn't sound like they are from what you've said). FWIW, my DD eats a very similar diet at 6 years old and is severely underweight (think below the 2nd centile and people are always on at me about her weight). For my DD, this is her natural weight. She eats healthily and actively chooses eg blueberries over a biscuit though I do make sure she gets enough fat in full cream milk, butter, meat and nuts etc, and I and her father are both slim so this is just how she is. Is this just how your daughter is? Are you tall and is her father tall? Do you have a family history of larger (I don't mean fat, I mean tall and well-built) people? We are skinny and short so it is no wonder that my daughter is skinny and a bit undersized too.

Sometimes, I think children who are destined to be exceptionally tall (though within normal weight limits for their height) can be heavier as children. This was the case for my brother who has ended up quite astonishingly tall compared to the rest of us and was consistently heavier than the other three of us throughout his childhood, though he didn't seem fat ever.

Does she look fat as in actually having visible fat on her body or is she just larger than average in all directions?

Sometimes people just are larger. It does NOT mean they are more unhealthy, necessarily. If I were you I would certainly talk to the GP about it without your daughter being there. It is quite possible that he may set your mind at rest as it really doesn't sound like you are overfeeding her or feeding her 'bad' things. Make sure you can tell him or her exactly how much porridge etc.

When girls go through puberty, their growth rate tends to slow dramatically. Perhaps your daughter may find that she evens out compared to her peers a bit as she gets older? Weight is part of it and girls that weigh more do tend to enter puberty a bit earlier from what I've read.

FWIW, in your shoes, I'd try to swap something like a humzinger or slice of malt loaf for another piece of fruit or veg as this is bulkier and more stomach-filling and no more calories than the small thing that is more fun to eat. I do see that worrying about 39 calories is potentially the route to madness. Really, your daughter's diet sounds fine.

Good luck eglantyne, I'm watching with interest as my dd can be similar and I'm am worried about her. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you are saying no to treats when others seem to get away with so much.
FYI my dd is 7.8, 5 stone 5, wears clothes for 10yr old but I don't generally have to take them up so I reassure myself that she's also unusually tall.
Please update after your doctors trip, I really would be interested to hear what they say

Also I've started to give them rolls instead of pittas as a pittas takes a lot more filling I've noticed. For her packed lunch I try to give her 2 savoury ie roll and carrot/ baby bel/ cucumber and two sweet ie grapes/ frubes (much smaller than average yog)/ dried fruit. Any less and she complains.
Good luck.

A couple of thoughts:

-not everyone can handle vegetarianism and a lot of people are intolerant to soy (bloating is really common). Although beans and legumes are a good source of protein (in large quantities), they also contain a considerable amount of carbohydrate. Many vegetarian diets are WAY too heavy in carbs ( fruit and milk also contain lots of carbs) which basically means sugar overload, which means insulin resistance, which means overweight. Also, it can be difficult for some active and growing people to maintain satiety on a vegetarian diet...please consider adding animal proteins to her diet. I say this as a committed and conscientious ex-vegetarian...after a few years I began to feel unwell, was incessantly hungry and my hair started falling out. I added back humanely-raised meats and fish and feel a million times better... I still love my tofu but it always gives me a tummy ache after I consume it.

• children of one or two very tall parents often lay down fat stores as babies and pre-puberty to fuel growth spurts.

-my kids eat probably twice what yours does and are all skinny-Minnie's so I wouldn't obsess about the food too much. Mine are all extremely active (by nature and nurture) so maybe that's better to focus on?

• you sound like a very thoughtful and caring Mom.

I do see that worrying about 39 calories is potentially the route to madness

I think this is a good point Haberdashery (one of my fave words btw). The topic is so sensitive and the OP asked for advice but by virtue of asking for advice you end up micro-advising on tiny tweaks which, because the overall picture looks fine, loom very large and look like huge problems as if the OP's DD lived on Greggs and haribos.

I think there's been some good advice about protein and fruit sugars. But it is also hard for the world at large to accept that some people can be overweight on a diet that others wd be skinny on. Because it means accepting that it may not be easily resolved and that life is unfair sometimes. OP I hope you get a good hearing at the drs.

Thank you Haberdashery. Yes we are all tall. All males 6ft to 6ft 7, women on my side 5ft 8 min. DH & I both 6ft. I'm certainly not skinny, I'm size 14, but I have a healthy BMI and run half marathons.

Dd is broad. Big shoulders, big hips. She does have a big tummy and thighs though, and it's her tummy that she is getting self conscious about.

My dd is a similar age,in right age clothes, weighs much less (solid build though) bmi fine, less exercise and she eats more!
Yesterday she had a raisin bagel with butter and pineapple juice, school dinner(think was wholemeal pizza and fruit salad/yoghurt), penguin biscuit (yes straight out of school) tomato (she eats them as snacks-her choice), ice lolly-triangle shaped cola one, fishfingers (3) with cabbage, carrots and slice buttered bread,defrosted forest fruits and greek yog. oatcake cracker to go with her antibiotic at bed time and water/fizzy water as drinks.Exercise was walk to school and back plus whatever she did at brownies and school pe.
Today was terrible. We had coconut cake that neighbour made us after school and then chip cobs at funfair for tea. Bowl of shreddies when we got home very late!
I really think your dd's diet is a lot better than some and no worse than many. I think if she stands out in your family then there may be something up-I know 2 people with thyroid problems.
Going to the dr is the right hting-push for tests.
Swapping fruit for veg won't hurt, but I think you need professional advice rather than this mishmash-I'm sure low carb is going out of fashion-balance is what we need-applying adult diet fads is a terrible idea.

She will probably end up tall and well-built like you! This is not a bad thing! It sounds like her natural shape. You're six foot tall. Your daughter is not going to be five foot two. At six foot, size 14 is absolutely healthy and sensible and a good healthy weight. I would not mind betting that your daughter will be around the same height and size.

You know, when I was younger, I would have cheerfully killed to be larger and heavier. I don't weigh much more than your daughter though am a bit taller, and am always trying to put on weight (mainly unsuccessfully). Our natural shapes are what they are and there is very little we can do to change them, even though we can all be healthier (which is not the same as weighing less). I think in your shoes, I'd just really encourage her to be active and enjoy sport/physical stuff and enjoy the natural advantage that being taller/stronger/with more stamina can bring. It's a positive to being a larger and bigger-built person and it's not to be sniffed at. My DD who is tiny and skinny and could easily be mistaken for a three year old at six has different challenges to face and is pretty unhappy about being so tiny and looking so much younger than her peers so I have to do a lot of bolstering in a different direction about how it can be nice to be small (and frankly, weedy).

I eat a diet that most people would be massively sofa-killingly overweight on (think upwards of 3000 calories a day) and yet weigh less than some (perfectly healthy and normal-sized) teenagers. My DD is eating the same, more or less, as yours and is just a total titch. I think the people who are worrying about a Humzinger are focusing on the tiny details like drjohnsonscat said. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. If you still have Easter eggs in your fridge, you're probably doing everything right!

And actually, I think the centile thing is a huge source of unhappiness and misinformation for parents. You and your family are tall but of a reasonably healthy build for their height. The same for mine. But we are both getting it in the neck for falling outside the areas of the chart that the powers that be like us to be in. The whole point of centiles is that someone HAS to be at the edges of the chart. That's how they work. For your daughter with tall parents, she's at the top OF COURSE. And for mine, she's at the bottom because, you know, her dad weighs nine stone and he's a MAN. And any HV or doctor who wants everyone to be in the 50th centile has seriously misunderstood the nature of what centiles actually are. SOMEONE has to be at the edges.

Nice to have made you smile. And now, can someone tell me how I can get my daughter to eat a bit MORE and grow a bit?!

Also, Eglantyne, positive role models for your daughter. I bet Venus Williams, for instance, is at least six foot tall and does not have a BMI of 23 or whatever we're meant to have.

I think if I were you, I would cut out juice, fruit bars and those zinger things...what helped me lose weight was stopping ALL processed food.

some people are more sensitive to it...in your DDs diet there is quite a lot of processed food....Quorn, petit filous, humzinger, cereal bar, malt loaf. All processed.

There is a BBC Article here www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18393391 about Fructose and Processed foods and their part in obesity.

I've just looked up the height and weight charts in the red book and 143cm and 44kg at aged 8 put her on the 99th percentile for both height and weight. So she is on the same percentile for both height and weight - is that not what is considered healthy? i.e. if she was on the 50th percentile for both height and weight would that be considered healthy? (genuine question).

If you're worried, go to the GP, but please go without her, as making an issue out of it to her is probably the worst thing you can do (as you are clearly aware from your OP).

I think loads of parents have problems with their DC's diets. Both my teenage DS's would eat the diet of a fussy 4 year old if I I let them and my teenage DD seemed to be unwittingly following the Atkins diet as she was growing up.
I think diet is very important but I wouldn't want anyone closely examining my DC's diets Does anyone want a Nutella Sandwich?

Damsonjam Do you know what, I hadn't realised she had come back down to being actually on the chart now that she's turned 8! But I'm not sure about your Q, as if you do her BMI she is medically obese... I am going to docs without her.

On MN people say the BMI thing isn't reliable...but if the chart says she's ok then maybe you're defelcting your own worries onto her a bit? She may not be sylph like but as someone else said, you're tall and well built too....I think it might be good to look at avoiding processed foods altogether and work on her confidence.

I don't want to get into an argument about low carbing on Eglantyne's thread, but I will just (quickly) take issue with the suggestion that it is a fad or a fashion. There is considerable evidence to support the effect that sugar (and all carbohydrate is turned by the body into sugar) leads to the laying down of fat.

I would also agree with others that cutting out processed food is definitely the way to go for everyone as much as possible.

I'm glad you agree with me Broom...I am 5.6 and was creeping into a size 16 which is too big for my natural build. I can cope with a 14 but look better a size 12.

I cut out all processed foods and began to eat only "real" stuff....and the weight fell off. It wasn't that I was fat so much but that I was holding a lot of water.

I wasn't a big eater...but had lots of crap....so chips once or twice a week...biscuits now and then...cereal bar....one bowl of icecream...normal....but when I got rid, I found I felt so much better and my DDs behaviour and sleep really improved.

if you come out with statements that all carbohydrate is turned by the body into sugar then it will start an argument

fibre isn't broken down by the body

OK - simplifying to make the point. But I really don't want to have an argument about it! Apols.

Yes, Fibre is a carbohydrate, found in foods such as wholegrains, fruit and veg, but it is not a simple sugar, such as fructose and glucose. Increasing fibre in the diet is recommended for weight-loss, and reducing simple sugars. Fine balance. I think Biwi just wanted to simplify to avoid going into the whole molecular debate about long and short chains! You want the fibre part of the fruit, but not the "sugary" part, if trying to lose weight. But at the same time you want the vitamins....

OP why don't you see a dietician? You can tell DD it's to help you all eat healthily to protect your hearts and blood etc....nothing about weight.