Overweight daughter - advice please

[user12785]

Hello, sorry this is long)
My dd is 8, tall for her age (99 centile), and also very heavy. She is now about 7 stone, and now needs age 13 school skirts (for height she would need 10-11). She is all bum, tum and thighs. She was a heavy baby at 9lb 11. Once she got to age 2 1/2 she was off the top of the chart for weight, and still is.

I don't think I'm burying my head in the sand or missing the obvious, but I seriously don't know why she's so heavy.

This is what she had to eat yesterday, which is very typical and always has been. Porridge with tsp honey, very watered down OJ. Break-time water and pear. Lunch wholemeal pitta with slice of quorn ham and spinach, nectarine, small petit filous, humzinger fruit bar, carton of blackcurrant juicy water. After school snack was a Go Ahead biscuit and water. Dinner was couscous, quorn fillet, cauliflower, carrot, peas, low salt Kallo stock. Desert slices of apple and unbuttered piece of malt loaf. Small glass of watered down apple juice.

Week days meals will be pretty similar, weekends she is allowed a glass of lemonade and we have a vegetarian roast dinner with "proper" desert eg apple crumble and custard on Sundays.

On Fridays we go for an ice cream or hot choc after school if she has enough stickers on her chart. (I know food shouldn't be a reward, it's more about the outing really.)

Her portion sizes aren't enormous - I still use the children's plastic plates deliberately so she can't possibly be having adult portions.

She can't be stealing food as there's nothing really in the house to steal! Thee are still Easter eggs in the back of the fridge - if she was stealing food they would have gone long ago! She doesn't have any opportunities to buy food herself. Given the opportunity however she would eat and eat. I manage that when I am with her, but I am aware that she is the first to the food table and last to leave it at parties etc.

She does 5 hours of organised sport / dance during the week, plus PE twice a week at school and playing on the park several days a week, plus walks, bike rides etc at weekends. We are unable to walk to school, but I do park about 1/2 mile away and we walk the last bit.

DH and I are at a loss as to what to do. Dh hasn't wanted to us to take her to the doctors as he was worried it would make an issue of it for her. Up till now dd has been fairly oblivious, apart from getting upset when favourite clothes get too tight very quickly, but since the start of this term she has been looking at herself in the mirror and crying that she is fat, so I really have to help her now.

Could there be a medical reason? I'm thinking of making an appointment with the GP and taking along a food diary and the red book but not my daughter, in the first instance, as I'm so worried about upsetting her. Up till now when she's asked me if she's fat I have replied that she is bigger than some other girls, but that she is beautful. Taking her to the GP would be admitting to her that, actually, she is fat.

PS In case it matters, DH, me and DS, who have a very similar diet, and less exercise, are not overweight.

Any advice? Thanks.

To be fair BIWI unless you cut down heavily on carbs the fat thing does not work and I doubt any child is going to be happy if you start cutting stuff out of their diet. Then it also looks like you are putting them 'on a diet' which could be harmful...

Oh sorry I misread. How tall is she?

I wasn't talking about making the diet high fat, AngryFeet, just pointing out that fat is good for them. And your daughter may be slim - the the OP's daughter does have a weight problem. And given that fruit impacts on blood sugar as I described, it's not an unreasonable suggestion to reduce the amount of fruit and to replace it with lower carb vegetables - still nutritious, just not as much sugar.

That is a bit of a mystery then. How miserable for her. Definitely go to GP.

She is 143cm and 44kg.

Ah ok, sorry BIWI I didn't read your post properly. I do agree that veg should make up more than fruit when it comes to 5 a day but I don't that is enough to cause a weight problem. Definitely see the GP, there must be another issue here.

It would be worth cutting out Soya stuff for a while though because I understand that a lot of people are very very intolerant to it. I have 5 children, all very variable body types and appetites - it does not always follow, in their cases, that their bodies match their intake...

My eldest dd has always been very chunky (at the top of the scaley things) and only now when she has grown very tall is she looking in proportion but she is still very heavy. It might also be worth checking to see if she has coeliacs as when my children were diagnosed (they were asymptomatic and checked as routine as I have a diabetic dd)) and I changed their diet the weight dropped off one of them - she had been very bloated.

There is also a genetic factor that just some of us are bigger and the way your body processes certain types of foods is different in all of us - this just might be who she is. If you can say hand on heart you are not over feeding her and she does plenty of exercise (which she does, more than average I would say) then she just might be a larger person. Life isn't always as simple as calories vs. activity.

I would go to the doc without her and ask advice and think really really carefully about talking to her about as if she feels in anyway you are disapproving of her and the way she is it could be devastating for her. Not saying this is the case, you sound like a lovely concerned Mummy but it is a difficult balance to strike.

She could be storing fat ready for puberty. I did this then slimmed down when I started my periods (aged 10/11), as did my niece, and my mother I am told.

I know she is young, but she could be developing a shape, so to speak, and is putting on some puppy fat. It sounds as though she has an excellent diet so may be it is hormonal?

Well, some people are veggie just because they don't like meat, and if that was the case, I would give her meat but not myself iyswim. Obviously if its ethical or religious reasons that is harder, but I would seriously look at her protein intake and check it is enough.

Also second looking at coeliac or other food allergies, and definitely get thyroid checked, if you are sure total calorie intake is ok.

I think the amount she eats seems quite a lot if you are trying to be careful with her diet. You need to work out the calories in the porridge. I am always surprised how many calories are in porridge and that you only need a small amount to fill you up. I would completely drop the mid morning snack. It is not necessary for an 8 year old. Then for lunch I would drop the yogurt and the cereal bar. DC's are typically hungry after school so I would keep the after school snack. I would also completely stop the juice drinks, even if watered down. Going out for treats is good but you need to quietly monitor her portion size. I wouldn't think of it as her being on a diet more that you are tweaking her diet.
It is great that she likes healthy foods and does lots of exercise but I think it is wise of you to discretely address this issue now rather than ignore it.

The problem with an 8 year old girl is that the daily calorie requirement is quite low and you only need to exceed it by 50 or 100 calories to put wieght on.

The amount OP lists is about the same as my average height trim weight 8yo DS. BUT he's my biggest eater, probably consumes 50%+ more calories as my other DC did at same age.
good luck with the food diary, I know it's a faff but it's the only way to get firm answers.

I would tend to agree with BillyBondyBandy, she's still very young and I think it's such a shame she has issues about how she looks already (that's not a swipe at you by the way, more society in general). My DH was a heavy child, he played plenty of sport but he also had an enormous appetite. Once he turned 16 and puberty hit he grew a foot and remained the same weight. He still has the same enormous appetite for food but doesn't put on weight easily at all and looks incredibly lean and athletic.

Obviously take her to the GP if you're worried but you might find in a few years her body changes anyway

Gosh, I'm not surprised you are worried - my DD is the same age and is half this weight.

I think she has a lot of processed food in her diet by the sound of it, and the fruit bars are high in fructose which has been linked to problems with feeling "full" and contributing to over-eating.
It may also be portion size as well, it's amazing how much food we don't actually need to eat, DH is currently on a diet and his portion sizes look so tiny, but they are perfectly adequate. Sometimes we forget that covering a large dinner plate with food is not necessary.

Get a referral to a dietitician from your GP and find less processed foods to feed her and really look hard at her sugar intake. If possible, get a scan that shows % of bodyfat, or use one of those special scales that does it. This will show whether it is muscle mass or fat. If it is fat, then she must be taking in more calories than she is using daily.

small petit filous sorry this equals high sugar, humzinger fruit bar and this is high sugar, carton of blackcurrant juicy water and sugar. After school snack was a Go Ahead biscuit again high sugar and the malt loaf is highly calorific

take a look on you tube at "sugar the bitter truth" It is a good hour and a half long program but the endocronolgist is clear in why children have got larger as parents thought they were doing the right things.

The water to drink though is really good.

TBH I would cut out all snacks and just have three meals per day

Try this organisation, they may be able to help

www.mendprogramme.org/whatweoffer/mend7-13/joinprogramme

From the food list it is really difficult to say whether it is too much as there is no indication of quantity. It does look like a lot more than I would have eaten at that age though.

Could you (without your daughter seeing) weigh her portions for a week and enter them into something like my fitness pal and see how the calories add up? If they add up to way more than is advised for an 8 year old, you will have your answer.

I agree with others that the food listed seems quite sugary and the dessert could easily be dropped on weekdays (an unbuttered thin slice of malt loaf plus an apple would come in around 150 cals - 1050 cals over a week).

Your poor dd! Ds1 is half this weight and eats twice as much. Two bowls of cereal for breakfast, or 3 scrambled eggs on toast, lunch, school dinner plus seconds, andy large evening meal on an adult plate (typically two chicken drumsticks, a pile of veg that would fit in a cereal bowl and a pile of potato that would do the same with gravy.

But the difference is, he doesn't snack, whether at school or at home, and he won't eat fruit, and he eats a lot more protein that your dd.

Hi
I am not sure how helpful this is, but my dd1 (9) eats far more than your DD, and weighs 26kg (just over 4 stone, I think).

Typical breakfast : bowl frosties with full fat milk or two waffles with tsp honey.
Snack : two ricecakes
Lunch : school dinner - pasta/meat and veg. Cake-type pudding
Afterschool snack: full fat milk and two biscuits
Dinner : about half an adult portion of proper dinner, although if something like a roast, will eat as much as me (ie 3/4 pots, 3x yorky puds etc). Usually 3 portions of veg. Yoghurt/custard pot for pudding
She rarely eats fruit - only as additional pudding. Other drinks are just water.

So, this diet looks like huge amounts of food/calories compared with your DD. However, my DD is very thin, always has been (was below the charts for weight, is now between 2-9th centile). She is very active, alongside many sports and activities, she is always moving, jumping etc. She is never ill and academically very bright.

My point is that while it is very easy to trot out the 'weight gain = too many calories in compared to too few burnt off', it doesn't explain everybody's physique, especailly at the extremes. My DD can't put weight on, despite our best efforts and despite being very well. Your DD seems too heavy despite what you are doing.

I would second going to the docs, without her, to have a talk. It sounds like the 'usual rules' may not apply in your DD's case, as they don't to mine.

Just to add - are the Quorn fillets coated or uncoated? If they are the sort with the breadcrumb coating and the flavoured filling, they're about as healthy as Chicken McNuggets with extra mayo. I'd check the ingredients list and the labels if I were you.

Have a talk with her and see if she's unhappy, and then put it into her court as to whether she wants to go with you to the GP to get checked out. If it feels more like her idea, as it were, she might be happier about tackling her weight sensibly.

It might be worth using something like my fitness pal to log everything she eats for a week. And weigh out portions.

Quorn fillets are plain. She hates sauces.

Looks like I am doomed to having to say no to every little treat, drinking anything other than water, weighing and calorie counting. While other mums can offer frosties, crisps and sweets and have skinny children. Fitness pal is a good idea, thank you. Appointment now booked at docs.

Eglantyne IMO you would be storing up trouble if you cut down on her food intake my advice would be -;

!. ALL of you, the whole family, go on the Paul Mckenna WOE it is'nt a diet you just eat ANYTHING (obviously it works better when it's healthy food) when you 're hungry slowly and CONSCIOUSLY and STOP when you're full (look at our thread on the weight club page, it's not hard BTW)

1. i've lost 3 stone and maintaining on it and I eat a lot of fruit on an empty stomach (that's important). My teeth and health are amazing before people flame me.

1. She could well not put on much more weight after puberty (which could be early).

Good luck !!

You won't have to say no to treats, that would be a very bad idea. You just need to make little changes. Just think If she just has 50 - 100 calories a day less she will slowly lose weight.

Looks like I am doomed to having to say no to every little treat, drinking anything other than water, weighing and calorie counting

that really isn\t the attitude to take.

Treats can be for days that start with S, drinking water is cool and thirst quenching, forget weighing and calorie counting load the plates with greens and veggies and protein limit to the size of each eaters palm and not thicker either.

She seems to eat a lot, judging by your op. Her diet seem high in carbohydrates.

"Lunch wholemeal pitta with slice of quorn ham and spinach, nectarine, small petit filous, humzinger fruit bar, carton of blackcurrant juicy water."

This is a pretty massive lunch. Whats in Quorn? I am not familiar with it.

Why does she need 3 puddings after her lunch? Nectarine, Petit filous AND a humzinger fruit bar? Petit filous and humzinger are processed food and both very sugary.

Look at the humzinger:

Nutrition - Typical Values per 15g stick
Energy 164kJ/39kcal, Protein 0.3g, Carbohydrate 9.1g, of which sugars 5.3g, Fat 0.1, of which saturates