Overweight daughter - advice please

[user12785]

Hello, sorry this is long)
My dd is 8, tall for her age (99 centile), and also very heavy. She is now about 7 stone, and now needs age 13 school skirts (for height she would need 10-11). She is all bum, tum and thighs. She was a heavy baby at 9lb 11. Once she got to age 2 1/2 she was off the top of the chart for weight, and still is.

I don't think I'm burying my head in the sand or missing the obvious, but I seriously don't know why she's so heavy.

This is what she had to eat yesterday, which is very typical and always has been. Porridge with tsp honey, very watered down OJ. Break-time water and pear. Lunch wholemeal pitta with slice of quorn ham and spinach, nectarine, small petit filous, humzinger fruit bar, carton of blackcurrant juicy water. After school snack was a Go Ahead biscuit and water. Dinner was couscous, quorn fillet, cauliflower, carrot, peas, low salt Kallo stock. Desert slices of apple and unbuttered piece of malt loaf. Small glass of watered down apple juice.

Week days meals will be pretty similar, weekends she is allowed a glass of lemonade and we have a vegetarian roast dinner with "proper" desert eg apple crumble and custard on Sundays.

On Fridays we go for an ice cream or hot choc after school if she has enough stickers on her chart. (I know food shouldn't be a reward, it's more about the outing really.)

Her portion sizes aren't enormous - I still use the children's plastic plates deliberately so she can't possibly be having adult portions.

She can't be stealing food as there's nothing really in the house to steal! Thee are still Easter eggs in the back of the fridge - if she was stealing food they would have gone long ago! She doesn't have any opportunities to buy food herself. Given the opportunity however she would eat and eat. I manage that when I am with her, but I am aware that she is the first to the food table and last to leave it at parties etc.

She does 5 hours of organised sport / dance during the week, plus PE twice a week at school and playing on the park several days a week, plus walks, bike rides etc at weekends. We are unable to walk to school, but I do park about 1/2 mile away and we walk the last bit.

DH and I are at a loss as to what to do. Dh hasn't wanted to us to take her to the doctors as he was worried it would make an issue of it for her. Up till now dd has been fairly oblivious, apart from getting upset when favourite clothes get too tight very quickly, but since the start of this term she has been looking at herself in the mirror and crying that she is fat, so I really have to help her now.

Could there be a medical reason? I'm thinking of making an appointment with the GP and taking along a food diary and the red book but not my daughter, in the first instance, as I'm so worried about upsetting her. Up till now when she's asked me if she's fat I have replied that she is bigger than some other girls, but that she is beautful. Taking her to the GP would be admitting to her that, actually, she is fat.

PS In case it matters, DH, me and DS, who have a very similar diet, and less exercise, are not overweight.

Any advice? Thanks.

OP, IMHO - do nothing, stop stressing and if she is otherwise well I wouldn't bother with GP. They will only make an issue of a non-issue. You are clearly doing nothing wrong so stop beating yourself up. I agree with Blue Mosaic. Trouble with BMI, current obesity obsession blah blah blah is it ignores the fact that people come in all shapes and sizes and genetics, metabolism etc causes huge variability. I have 2 boys, they're teenagers now. Your DD sounds like my youngest DS. Eldest is like a beanpole and takes after his dad whilst youngest is like me and has always been chubby. My two have always eaten the same healthy diet and done the same exercise yet youngest has always been technically overweight. Now he's hitting puberty though he's really slimming down, but not through anything conscious we're doing.

Sounds like an ok average amount of food for a child with a healthy appetite and regular exercise, my dd 6 eats similar amounts, however far less sugar than your dd. I would cut out the sugars as others have suggested.

Do you think the size of the lunch is that much quint, my 6 year old will have one slice of bread, recently 2 with ham or chicken, a plain biscuit (or cereal bar), a probiotic drink or yougurt ( sugar free) drink of water or sugar free squash, 2 servings of fruit ie, strawberries and tangerine. Or a larger pieces of fruit ie an apple or pair with sliced cucumber some times she will add to this a slice of cheese or a mini peppermi. She mostly eats it all.

A filled whole meal pitta is quite large though.

I think that is a very big lunch, especially as the op has added a fruit, a youghurt, and a humzinger, with juicy water to this. My 10 year old son could not manage that much.

Quorn is also quite high in carbohydrate, so it would seem that ops daughter is eating carbohydrates, in absolutely every meal. Not wanting to go into a discussion about vegetarianism versus non-vegetarianism, but proteins, like from eggs, or chicken, or fish, would be a lot more filling, and have hardly any calories and no carbohydrates.

I think her diet seem pretty bad and unbalanced. Where is the omega3? I see no sign of fatty acids, and very little sign of iron.

The child pretty much survives on bread and quorn, and processed food, sugars, and juicy water!

I agree with the sugar and carbs, but I think the quantity is not that big my dad eats lots but on the whole at home her intake is fairly low in sugars, salt and fat.

Obviously not my dad lol but my dd

I don't think it sounds like too much at all. I would consider my ds1 quite "greedy" so he eats a lot, is not skinny, but wears clothes for his age, so not overweight. I also come across kids who seem to eat endless crap eg crisps, sweets, chocolate, juice and are skinny. It doesn't always make sense.

I think from what you say she eats/exercise I'm surprised she's that overweight.

I suggest reading "helping without harming" by Ellyn satter. Really helped me when I was in a panic about ds1. You don't want food to become a massive issue.

Quint I really don't know what to say. I asked for help, you tell me I'm insane. My child does not survive on bread and Quorn. The omega comes from a vegetarian capsule, the iron from spinach, kale and all the other veg and pulses she has during the week. I gave you an example of one day. What processed foods? One biscuit and a toddler sized yoghurt? She has eggs, she had one tonight in fact. Now I don't want to turn into the mad swimbabes woman, so let's leave it at this.

Thank you to everyone who was kind and helpful.

I have tried to be helpful. It seems you have taken offense. All you have taken from my posts is that you are insane?

Well, your food choices. And you know best of course.

"The omega comes from a vegetarian capsule,"

Sorry, I am corrected, your child lives on bread, quorn, and vegetarian capsules or gelatine substances.

My dd is 8 and weighs around 4 stone. Tall and slim , she eats very little during the day ( difficult to get breakfast in her and one small sandwich or roll for lunch . She eats an adult size dinner though and can easily eat more than me at dinner time , followed by chocolate or pudding or some sort . We walk though , a lot ! Do you think you could get her to exercise more? I do think there is an element of genetics in weight though. My dh is tall and slim as are his family . I am short and although slim I have to work at it . I eat much less than friends who are a similar size to me and gain weight very easily . I don't think your dd eats a lot compared to some children I know.

"And another thing"...where did I say she was doing all her sport in school clubs? She's doing a full on dance class for two hours out of school, I know it's full because I am there. Ditto 2 1/2 hours of a team sport, and 30 mins of swimming lengths without stopping. So you have made huge assumptions.

Geez, you are one angry lady, op!

Not usually, but I am now. Go and bully someone else.

What processed foods?

Well:

quorn ham
petit filous,
humzinger fruit bar
carton of blackcurrant juicy water
Go Ahead biscuit
quorn fillet
low salt Kallo stock
malt loaf

Quint was trying to be helpful - these are all processed foods. And this is just in one day!

Quint, you did come across a bit rude I think, not like you so I'm sure unintentional.

Eglantine, I really think you need to address the protein, obv you only gave us a snapshot, but I think pre puberty she needs more good quality protein( not quorn).

Do yourself and your daughter a favour. Go to your GP and talk about the problem, and if necessary he/she can refer you to a dietician. You are not doing your daughter a favour by pretending it is not a problem. Not when she is looking at herself in the mirror crying because she is fat.

Quite possibly a bunch of strangers on the internet who knows nothing of you and your situation cant help. Only you know what and how much she eats, and how much exercises she is taking.

A general rule of thumb, if you put on weight, you eat more calories than you burn. If this is not the case for your daughter, then see a doctor.

90% may tell you what you want to hear, that her eating is fine, some may say it sounds like it isnt, and you become angry and defensive. Sorry. But I think that the 90% who reassure you and tell you all is well might not spur you into getting help for your daughter. What if there was a medical problem?

All is not well when you have a fat 8 year old who is crying because of her looks.

Get her some help.

OP, it sounds like you are frustrated, with good reason. DS is a tallish 8 year old and weighs far less than your daughter (TBH, she weighs more than me!) . Based on just a quick look at her diet, what stands out is all of the processed food in her diet (quorn IS a processed food). Cut out the bars and the quorn and substitute good protein and unadulterated fruits and veg for a start and see how she does. ALso, def see the doctor and see if there is a medical reason for why she is as heavy as she is. It is heart wrenching, particularly as she notices it. Maybe relax the strict vegetarian diet and allow eggs (very high quality protein with very little sugar)?

If she is eating kale and other vegtable then she is getting protein - this doesn't need to be limited it is the quorn stuff that needs to be limited

Sorry - saw that she does eat eggs. Why not allow more eggs and veg proteins and omit quern (why have it to begin with?).

She has eggs, and as I said upthread, the docs appointment has been booked. She has unadulterated fruit and veg. Other posters have told me she has too much fruit. She has soya.

The child pretty much survives on bread and quorn, and processed food, sugars, and juicy water!

I think this is a little unfair quint. OP's DD has more fruit juice than mine do but also loads more veg. I don't really know about quorn and there may be better protein sources but basically she's got a decent range of fruit and veg and nothing egregious. Maybe too much juice and could be less carbs but it doesn't sound like enough of an imbalance to cause a big problem and yet there is a problem.

OP I would go to the dr but the problem is you may get a simplistic reply there. I doubt the problem is a juice box and a humzinger per se. But perhaps for your DD's biochemistry it's not quite right. Perhaps she is insulin resistant but at sub medical levels?

I would carry on with fruit and vegetables, lot of fibre in both fruit and veg along with plenty of goodness that she needs.