Kids constantly fighting and it´s pushing me over the edge

[mosciva]

I have a son age 8 and a daughter age 5 and in short, they don´t stop fighting. Over anything and everything. It used to be that my son would take a toy or colouring pencil from her and make her cry but I would explain to him that´s it´s not nice etc but as they have got older it´s got worse. She has seen that he winds her up on a daily basis and now she thinks it´s normal and does it back to him. I have tried explaining, shouting (out of sheer frustration that I cant even go to the loo without a fight starting!), naughty step, reward charts etc and I just dont know what else to do. It´s getting to the point that I would rather stay at work than come home as I know within 10 minutes of being home there will be an argument and it´s stressing me out SO much. I really really want to change this pattern and actually enjoy being with the kids as it´s really affecting everything. Can anyone offer some advice please? x

Who looks after your DCs until you get home? I'm wondering if your DCs are like this with everyone or just reserve it for you.

Sounds knackering. And yet strangely familiar...

My parents have them for 2 hours after they finish school while I am at work, then I collect them and then we go home. They are generally not too bad at my mum´s. Seems like they save it just for me as soon as we get home! When we are out they don´t fight anywhere near as much. It´s mainly at home. I honestly have tried everything I can think of to break the pattern. Individually they are good kids and pretty well behaved but the second i turn my back to make dinner etc one will start on the other and it all kicks off and ends up with either my daughter´s high pitched scream or son´s voice at top notch volume shouting and after a long day at work it´s getting harder to cope with each day and I feel awful saying I would rather stay at work but at the moment, it´s the truth. Any advice greatly appreciated x

Sounds like it's the noise getting to you more than anything.

Thinking back (my DS and DD are older than yours) I would separate them and give each something to do / play with / watch / read in different rooms. They were then more likely to talk to each other over our evening meal. I don't mind animated; but really don't like bickering.

I really feel for you. It honestly does get better.

I know other parents have other tactics and there is a lot of advice on here.

DDs are 3 and 5 and just the same. I just try and ignore it most of the time (it rarely escalates, one of them cries and then they get over it). Occasionally if I can tell one has started it I make them come and sit in the kitchen on a little stool so they can't annoy the other one for 10 minutes. I feel for you though some days I can't stand the constant noise...

Thanks for making me feel like I´m not the only one x

Mosciva I most definately know what you are talking about. My DS is now 13 yrs and DD 10yrs. When they reached the ages that your DCs are around now they started to arugue and fight what seemed like constantly and I would frequently get to the end of my tether and even beyond that!

It was always worse when they got home from school and perhaps tiredness and hunger at this stage in the day played some part in it.

I know it takes every ounce of your energy and patience but you need some sort of strategy for when things kick off. First question; can I ignore it?
I would sometimes get too invovled with their bickerings instead of letting them try and sort it out but the fact was I couldn't stand the noise and whinging. So, try to ignore some rows if you can but if not, try, try, try, try to speak in a VERY calm but VERY serious and firm voice. If you are calm they are more likely to be calmer, if you shout, they will probably raise their noise level.

If it is obvious that one in particular is to blame for the situation, get the necessary apology to the sibling. They need to know how to say sorry for their behaviour. Seperation is always a good tactic I found, put them in different bedrooms, sat well apart in the same room or keep one with you, say, if you are in kitchen. If possible give them a task to keep them occupied. Also, try and think of ways they can work as a team and help each other in little ways. Can the older one get the younger one a drink, help with reading? Just little and regular things that make them think ' fighting and arguing can be a bit boring'. Let them know it upsets you but you need to learn to cope with a degree of it as I don't think any brothers and sisters are ever going to stop completely...mine are only just calming down a bit in the last 6 months...it will get better for you.