im not going to lie, im struggling...

[spacecadet]

..since h left, ive been struggling with 4 kids alone and no support, i dont want sympathy, i know im not the only lone parent but i literally have no one and im exhausted.
ds1 refuses to go to school
ds2 refuses to go to school and i get hysterics every night before bed from him because he misses his dad.
dd2 will not go to bed at night, ive tried controlled crying etc.
she wakes up every hour on the hour and then wants to get up at 4.30, i could dioe from lack of sleep. then she steams around all day, destroying the house and climbing on every thing, today she has not slept at all today.
ds2 is missing his sleep at night too because of dd and subsequently is unbearable.
both he and dd are quite destructive and ive given up with their bedroom, it looks like its been burgled.
ds2 seems to find pens everywhere, no matter where i hide them, then him and dd set about re-decorating the house.
today dd was climbing on the telly and ds was upstairs trashing his bedroom and ive just sat here and sobbed.

Oh poor you!! sounds like a nightmare. is xh having the children at all? (sorry, caught some of your threads about him leaving but I'm out of touch so not sure how land lies).

And everything always seems worse when you are tired! whereabouts are you?

:( I wish I could be of some practical use sc. All I can do over here though is say I'm thinking of you. You have so horrendously much to cope with.
Look out for an email from me - need to check sthg with you.

Blimey you really are having a tough time. I don't really have any useful answers just plenty of sympathy. I guess you haven't got any friends/family nearby who could give you some support or even just company at home so you don't have to face the whole day on your own with the kids playing up?
Hopefully someone will be along with better suggestions.

foundintranslation, think i know what its about,but will check my emails.
MDB-im in cambs and h is 230 miles away so cant have them, i could do with being near family really, dm wont help much but my aunt would.

Spacecadet, have followed a bit of your story. Poor you and poor kids.

I used to know went to family therapy when the father left home as her 3 girls' behaviour began to concern her. Do you need to see your GP, what about Homestart?

Sorry, totally ignorant on these matters but thinking of you.

LMP-no i have no family here, im just worn out, they never go to bed, never sleep and ds is really behaving badly at the mo.
strangely enough, ive had less confrontations with dd1, since h left.
if i tell ds off, he just laughs and says, shut up poo head and runs off.

Are there any Mumsnetters near you?

Try contacting SureStart and HomeStart. They run schemes whereby someone will come into your home and look after the children whilst you have a bath or a nap. You can't use them as a babysitter, but if you just need half an hour by yourself, it's ideal.

They also offer support and I'm certain they could help you. Google both of them and contact them today.

How old are they?

Also what side of Cambs are you?

Sounds like you're going through hell.
Not sure what to suggest other than look at tackling one problem at a time.

How old is your dd2 who's not sleeping? If you really go for it in sorting her sleep problems first then you might feel up to tackling whatever you think should be the next one. Sleep deprivation will be having a knock-on effect on everything and everyone.

Also can you get help from Education Welfare or whatever they call themselves? Or Family Support (but not sure if you want to go down the Social services route).
Good luck -hopefully someone on here will be able to give you some excellent advice

mercy-i was assigned a homestart worker for 2 hours a week because of my balance prob, theyve left her in place because h left, but its not much really, just 2 hours on a tuesday and shes not allowed to go off with dd(ds2 is at school), its the evenings that are the worst, as i speak they are running up and down the hall screamming and throwing toys at each other.

Press gang your aunt and even your mum to help out. They must see how you are struggling. Maybe you could swap houses for one night and they could babysit while you get some sleep just so you can recuperate some energy.

Contact the NCT, they offer good support too and have a babysitting circle.

im ely way and my children are
14
11
5
and 19 months.
feel like a failure
this has only happened since he left.
dd who wont sleep is 19 months.

littlemisspiggy, mum and aunt are in wales, thats why ideally i could do with being there.

Support to your sc. I've got 4 & it's hard work. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself xxx

You know your 14yo is old enough to babysit.. can you ask her to look after the other whilst you have a bit of a nap?

Also try talking to her, she is old enough to understand what's going on and it might make your relationship stronger.. it might make her feel very grown up too. I don't mean all the gory details just skirt over so she gets the idea. She might be glad to help..

Sorry just trying to think of anything that might take the pressure off slightly.

It's probably a silly idea but...

Could dh come over and stay in your home for a weekend whilst you go elsewhere ?

He needs take some responsibility for part of the caring for the kids. Does he have much income, could he be persuaded to pay for a mother's help in the evenings ?

Was just trying to see how far you were from me but can't work it out as yet. I went for a job interview in Cambridge once so I was figuring you wouldn't be that far???

Just did a route finder and seems you are further than I expected. Wasn't there a Camb's meet up a while ago? do you know any MNers?

Sorry lots of questions.

rhubarb-i may try the nct, thanks.
there was a cambs meet up, but it was in hitchin which is miles away from me!
normsnockers-i dont know if thats an option.
he wouldnt pay for a mothers help.

Yes I can see that 2 hours isn't a lot in the circumstances.

Can you speak to a Welfare Officer at the school or LEA who could point you in the right direction for further support? What about an HV, GP or Social Services.

Am happy to look up addresses, send emails if you want, phone even!

oh god..
the 14 year olds needs some help. you need to get him a male adult role model willign to spend some time with himn.. speak to someone at school? cubs? cadets? something like that. (this is from the steve biddulph book) he is a t a very difficult stage in his develpment without the problem of a useless dad. perhaps he could get a job of some sort? someone there might be suitable.
if you can get him to help out, be on your side, be the man of the house to use an old fashioned term, then things might be better with the middle two.
familyfocusonline.com were really helpful, but i dont know of anyone near you.

Wish there was someway I could help, seems like you really been through it lately.

Is talking to dd1 an option?

sorry ds1 - your eldest, am confused, should shut up, sorry!