Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Can anyone help me

66 replies

americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:04

Hi I wonder if anyone can give me some advice. I am in Scotland by the way. My son who is now 4 months old got taken out of my house by his father at the beginning of June. He claimed to be going to his mother's for an overnight but came back the next day to tell me he had lied about that and was leaving. He did not return my son to me, his mother would only let me see my son for an hour a week and now I have not seen my son at all for 3 weeks now. Also my ex partner's mother is dictating to me when I can and can't see my son but she has no legal right that I know of to do this. I have sent texts (not nasty ones, just asking where and how my son is) and his mother has now informed me that because of them I can no longer see my son except through a contact centre. I have already gone to police about it and been told it wasn't a police matter also gone to social work and since its a closed case they can't seem to do anything about it. My lawyer has been trying to get me more access to him but hasn't been able to as my ex and his family appear to be ignoring both my lawyer and theirs. My son barely knows me now because of this and am worried that he will think someone else is his mother since my ex now has a new partner. At the moment I don't know where my son is and have been trying to find out for 3 weeks now to no avail. I really don't know what to do anymore i need my son back so badly. Someone please help. Thanks.

OP posts:
chilled7up · 22/08/2012 18:08

Oh no, poor you! That's a horrible situation. I don't have any knowledge of this type of situations, but didn't want to read and run. I hope you get it sorted out! Sad

chilled7up · 22/08/2012 18:09

Forgot to ask. Has the dad got full custody?

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 22/08/2012 18:10

Has he got legal custody?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General parenting
Original poster
americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:16

no theres no legal stuff in place at the moment

OP posts:
ZhenThereWereTwo · 22/08/2012 18:21

Were you married?

If not is he on the birth certificate? Does he have parental responsibility?

chilled7up · 22/08/2012 18:24

You mentioned a solicitor, what has he/she advised?

After thinking about it, I can't understand why when you had access you didn't take him back with you, and why you did handed Ds back to his mum if the dad doesn't have custody?!

Original poster
americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:31

we werent married he is on the birth cert he has equal parental responsablitlies to me but there is nothing to say that he or his mother should legally has custody or resist my access to him

i havent taken him back because it would end up as a horrable game of pass the parcel and if i was out anywhere my ex might try and take him back

OP posts:
SecrectFarleysNibbler · 22/08/2012 18:42

I think I would have called the police by now. He is has virtually kidnapped your child!!!!!

Niceupthedance · 22/08/2012 18:42

Have social services had involvement previously - you mention it was a closed case?

Original poster
americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:44

me and my sister have both phoned the police on several times to get told that it wasnt a police matter

OP posts:
Original poster
americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:45

also we were told that it wouldnt be a police matter until there was some sort of court order

OP posts:
Original poster
americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:49

yeah was having a social work involement because i was having blackouts and the health visitor thought it would help and my ex partner has told them rubbish about how i had beating my ex partner up (there is no exidence cause i didnt do it) the case got closed when my ex partner left with my child

OP posts:
SecrectFarleysNibbler · 22/08/2012 18:49

Sorry just re read the post - I think you need evidence of trying to get him back. It sounds as if you have been pretty passive so far and this may be twisted to look as if you didn't put up much resistance to this event happening. I would start logging down everything that happens, every conversation and text message. If this all ends up at court down the line you need to prove your side of thingS. It sounds like social services are already involved???? if you could only see him at a contact centre then SS would have been to see you to discuss this with you. I would be BANGING on their door until they give you some more support e=with this. It sounds as if your mil is giving you a load of rubbish about this. If you do not feel strong enough to tackle his family on your own you need to get back up from somewhere. Go back to ss and insist on some hel[p.

droves · 22/08/2012 19:06

Get a pi to find out where your son is and take him back.

silentneon · 22/08/2012 19:14

Hi there, I'm AS's sister. We are both at our wits' end just now.

To answer a few questions:

  • AS's ex-MiL is quite a formidable woman, to the point that AS is scared of her (I have met her too and have to admit she does come across in a way that would intimidate AS). She is trying to get her son (my nephew) back but has been ordered off the ex-MiL's property more than once (the last time being Monday just gone). We are sorely tempted to go up to the house again tomorrow, politely demand to see the wee one and if she refuses again stand just outside her garden (so we can't get into trouble with the police for trespass) until she agrees or calls the police. At which point we tell the police exactly what's going on. Thoughts, anyone?
  • Social Work have not been of any help whatsoever. They have made these allegations then provided no evidence to back them up. Then when we do try to phone them (we have spent several entire days trying to get through to the SW who was involved, or her manager with no success) we have been told it's nothing to do with them any more. I don't understand how they can say this stuff and then wash their hands of it all. The ex partner and his mother has done all this with no legal permission. I don't get it.
redhappy · 22/08/2012 19:19

Hi I don't know the answers to your questions, but if start a thread over on the relationships board there are plenty of people thee who will.

Your poor sister hope she gets her ds back soon. I know several women this has happened to, and they all got the dcs back with them in the end, and the fathers were not allowed unsupervised contact again xx

silentneon · 22/08/2012 19:23

Heh, droves. It's crossed my mind but neither AS or myself have the money to do that. Every instinct in me is telling me to just go up there and take my nephew back, but as AS rightly says, if we did that the ex may well declare "open season" and try to do the same. We're trying to go through all the official/right/correct channels but it feels like we're going round in circles here.

silentneon · 22/08/2012 19:26

Redhappy, that's awesome. Your post has given us so much hope. Bless you x

If anyone else does have any other advice/support/perspectives please let us know. We really appreciate it.

Thanks.

droves · 22/08/2012 19:29

Standing in their front garden would certainly get their attention .

I wouldnt do this if they were at all violent.

droves · 22/08/2012 19:33

Would telling the MILs neighbours that they have taken the baby and refusing to give him back make any difference ?

I think you need to get a court order in place before he police will take this seriously .

redhappy · 22/08/2012 19:34

Was he violent towards her when they were in a relationship? Has there been any threatening behaviour at all?

I imagine he probably was emotionally abusive at the very least. I really reccommend having a look through the relationships section. A lot of the advice I can give is really specific to the county I live in. But there are organisations you can contact for help.

silentneon · 22/08/2012 19:36

Yeah, droves, that's part of what we were hoping to achieve by going up and lurking outside the house. Give MiL and the rest of 'em a lot of questions to answer.... Also, I haven't known them ever to be violent so AFAIK that wouldn't be a problem. They're middle-class-wannabes.

silentneon · 22/08/2012 19:37

Redhappy, we'll have a look in the "relationships" bit too. We're both just trying to find our way around just now :)

redhappy · 22/08/2012 19:43

Actually, have a look in 'lone parents' someone has posted on a similar situation and lots of good advice in there. here

AgentProvocateur · 22/08/2012 19:43

I would recommend contacting the Scottish Children's Law Centre in Edinburgh for advice, if there's nothing more to the story than what you have told us. I find it hard tI believe that SW are washing their hands of the whole situation, especially as you've been on their caseload so recently. Good luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread