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Parenting

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Original poster

Can anyone help me

66 replies

americansmufy · 22/08/2012 18:04

Hi I wonder if anyone can give me some advice. I am in Scotland by the way. My son who is now 4 months old got taken out of my house by his father at the beginning of June. He claimed to be going to his mother's for an overnight but came back the next day to tell me he had lied about that and was leaving. He did not return my son to me, his mother would only let me see my son for an hour a week and now I have not seen my son at all for 3 weeks now. Also my ex partner's mother is dictating to me when I can and can't see my son but she has no legal right that I know of to do this. I have sent texts (not nasty ones, just asking where and how my son is) and his mother has now informed me that because of them I can no longer see my son except through a contact centre. I have already gone to police about it and been told it wasn't a police matter also gone to social work and since its a closed case they can't seem to do anything about it. My lawyer has been trying to get me more access to him but hasn't been able to as my ex and his family appear to be ignoring both my lawyer and theirs. My son barely knows me now because of this and am worried that he will think someone else is his mother since my ex now has a new partner. At the moment I don't know where my son is and have been trying to find out for 3 weeks now to no avail. I really don't know what to do anymore i need my son back so badly. Someone please help. Thanks.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 22/08/2012 20:31

As for the "pass the parcel" scenario, well I would take that as it comes. Keep a low profile till the legalities are sorted out. It's beyond my comprehension that thus has gone on so long. Are you scared of your ex?

silentneon · 22/08/2012 20:33

Oh, hang on. I see where the confusion is coming from here.Let me clarify:

AS and her ex were living together before he left with the wee one. So she thought they were just going for an overnight to ex-MiL's. He came back to the house they had shared the next day, told her that that had been a lie to get the wee one out of the house.

Sorry, I don't think we explained that bit :(

showtunesgirl · 22/08/2012 20:37

No, I don't think you get what I mean. When I mean escalated, sod the fact that OP is scared of AS is scared of ex-MIL, why hasn't she gone in to get her son back? At the moment, it all sounds very strange. As in; oh they've taken my son, can you please give him back? No, oh ok I'll go to the Police. You can't help me? Oh ok then.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General parenting

showtunesgirl · 22/08/2012 20:38

Sorry should have read: When I mean escalated, sod the fact that OP is scared of ex-MIL...

droves · 22/08/2012 20:44

I'd actually get a few big scarey looking men ( 4 or 5 ideally) to go with and go get the child back . The police aren't helping and the longer they have the baby the stronger their case is for keeping him .

Not ideal , but provided they don't threaten verbally or hit anyone ( except in defence ) then there shouldn't actually be a problem. Not if you just insist that you were invited around verbally to collect your son , at the end of his " holiday "

Verball agreement is legal in Scotland ( I think) .

rainbowinthesky · 22/08/2012 20:46

Why don't you ask your mother for help especially as she is an ex social worker?

droves · 22/08/2012 20:50

Can I ask a really cheeky question ? Is there a race difference between the parents ?

The only other scenario I know of that happened almost identically to the ops was that of my aunt . She had married a seemingly lovely Bangladeshi chap , who one day , quite out the blue decided he was having his son, and was going to take him to live with his mother whilst he divorced my aunt . His family had even lined up a suitable replacement mother for my cousin . . ( 1980's btw )

silentneon · 22/08/2012 21:02

droves: No, it's not a cheeky question at all, it makes sense that you ask :) There is no race difference, no.

So... concensus seems to be that we go round to the house and just get the wee one back in such a way that won't get us arrested. As there seems to be no legal obstacle to this it sounds like a plan to us.

redhappy · 22/08/2012 21:11

Have you checked with police what would happen if you did?

If you go ahead please get advice form women's aid or similar. People don't realise how common this actually is.

I totally understand your hesitance to act so far as you don't want to do anything now that would jeopardise custody in the long term. Just get the right advice first that's all I'm suggesting.

NarkedRaspberry · 22/08/2012 21:13

And you waited two months and sought legal advice and never figured this out???

DollyTwat · 22/08/2012 21:17

Op what a horrible situation. My worst nightmare
I think if getting an emergency court order isn't possible (not sure why) I would ask the police to go with you to retrieve your baby, to prevent a breech of the peace.

butterfingerz · 22/08/2012 21:18

Do you have any male members of family that can attend with you? At the end of the day, he does not have full custody nor is there any court order so I don't see why you are not within your rights to retrieve your son from his 'holiday'? If it's not been to court, there's nothing the police can enforce, nor SS.

If they say anything, direct them to your solicitor.

NCForNow · 22/08/2012 22:42

I was not being rude...but getting annoyed by the changing story and how can the police say it is not a missing persons case if as
Americansmuffy said dont even know if my sons there

????

AgentProvocateur · 25/08/2012 20:55

How did you get on? Have you got your child back?

babymama22 · 25/08/2012 22:51

hi read your message incredibly concerned about your situation i dont know how you cant get help he has moreless kidnapped your son and your saying theres nothing you can do? so does that mean then if my ex partner who is an evil alful man and has a controlling mother who has made my life a living hell when my son goes to visit in the future does that mean then they cant return him and theres nothing i can do? you need to push this! you are his mother he needs you! if you dont mind me asking do you have anything for him to use against you as im sure if this was to go to court theyd make sure your son stays with you! you need a court order and you need to apply for a residence order i think speak to your solicitor but i know grandparents have n rights atall!

lola88 · 26/08/2012 17:43

Go to your SS office and sit there all day every day until someone helps demand to speak to someone go to the desk every 10 mins asking to speak to someone, go to the police station do the same. Phone the health visitor tell them you need a home visit ask them to help (they will) go to your local SMP councillors local paper.

I'm going to be really harsh here but if that were my son i would be there every day doing whatever i have to do tbh i would march into the house lift the baby and leave then when they come to my door phone the police and SS. Declare yourself homeless and demand to be moved where they can't find you.

Trust me if you cause a fuss they will help to get you off thier backs a couple of phone calls won't get you anywhere. This is your child if you need to cause a fight to get him back bloody well cause one.

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