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Original poster

Embarrassed to be proud of my baby.

66 replies

Commutinghell · 17/08/2012 20:19

Does anyone else feel pressure to pretend that their baby is a handful? My DD is 2 months. I'm sure that she will be a nightmare when she's older, there will be tantrums etc etc... But for now, she's getting on just great. Sleeping 8.30 to 7.30 at night, lovely and calm, interested in everything, strong, quiet... But I don't dare mention it. If you say on here that a baby sleeps through at this age everyone says you're lying, in RL everyone complains about their babies and if I mentioned what mine was like they'd think I was bragging. I'm deleriously happy in my own little bubble, but surely I can't be the only one? Fully prepared to be shot down in flames on here but if anyone would like to join me in celebrating their beautiful, well behaved babies I'd love to hear from you.

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Wowserz129 · 17/08/2012 20:21

I am like this. My son has a wonderful personality and is very clever. He hit all the milestones well before my ante-natal groups did. I also felt too awkward too say too much for fear people would think I was boasting!

Quite sad really!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 17/08/2012 20:24

I have splinters in my behind from sitting firmly on the fence here.

On the one hand, it's blooming lovely that you're so happy and so proud. Good for you.

On the other, my baby is nothing like yours (has never slept through, cried constantly for his first three months, screams if he doesn't get his own way etc) yet I'm 'deliriously happy' and I have a 'beautiful' baby, so, tbh, you sound a little smug. Probably quite rightly, but smug all the same. Sorry.

It kinda makes me hope that your next one is 'a handful'

SamosaYouWinSamosaYouLose · 17/08/2012 20:28

I think as long as you don't imply that you've done it all right and that is why your DD is so good then it's fine to be proud.

In my opinion, you can do everything "right" and still have a very hard baby/child- its the luck of the draw!

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MrsHelsBels74 · 17/08/2012 20:31

I think it depends how you talk about it. If you acknowledge that you're incredibly lucky & don't know how your baby ended up being so well behaved I think you'll be ok. If you talk about what a fabulous mum you are because your baby is well behaved you might get a different response!

irregularegular · 17/08/2012 20:32

I think that it is more appropriate to be 'grateful' for an easy going baby rather than 'proud'.

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 20:33

I felt like this at the beginning
everyone else's baby was loosing and loosing weight and droping percentile and DS was bouncing along the 75th and drinking up his milk! Good sleeper etc. Felt wrong to "brag" when friends babies were seriously skinny and they were full of worry about them

I have plenty to complain about now!

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 20:34

however, later on it really grated when people put DS's behaviour etc down to luck - it was blood sweat and tears on mine and DH's part thanks v much!

bbface · 17/08/2012 20:34

Maybe first time mothers may be sensitive, but mothers of older babies/children and second timers will simply think 'two months??? impossibly early to be an indication as to the future, but enjoy and relish every moment of this 'easy' time'. I am not saying it is going to end (my DS slept very well from Day 1 and now at 2 yrs sleep 7 - 8) but let me assure you... a newborn is very very different to a toddler. My boy was a dreamy easy going relaxed baby, and a delicious, high-maintenance, tantrumn-prone screamer of a toddler. My logic as I approach motherhood for the second time is... easy new born, high-maintenance toddler and vice versa. So.... brace yourself!!

mamalovesmojitos · 17/08/2012 20:34

I agree with irregularegular

changeforthebetter · 17/08/2012 20:35

My PFB slept through from something like twelve weeks. A full night's sleep and predictable daytime naps too. Lovely - enjoy it. Don't brag about it though (to a severely-sleep deprived parent it might sound like bragging - don't begrudge them their moaning. Sharing the pain of sleeplessness helps.)

PFB had a little sister who also slept through................. from the age of about 3 and a half years Mwah-ha-ha

sleepyhead · 17/08/2012 20:36

I'd avoid using the words "well behaved" for an 8 wk old tbh. Sorry if that sounds really po-faced, but babies who don't sleep as well or aren't as easy to soothe aren't being bad.

That used to get on my nerves a bit: "Is he good?" What are you meant to say? "Nah, he's a wee devil of a shoplifter now that he's found his hands"

Your baby sounds lovely btw

vez123 · 17/08/2012 20:39

Be careful not to jinx it. We were super smug when DS was at that age because he slept 9-10 hours straight. It all changed at 4 months and even now at 2 we are having some sleep issues (after having had a really good spell from 1 to 2).
Agree with the grateful rather than proud comment. Despite sleeping well our DS was a very colicky baby and mostly screamed during his awake time. It was pretty tough. So it's lucky when your baby is contented and sleeps well..

Original poster

Commutinghell · 17/08/2012 20:47

I thought this would spark debate. Interesting that the word proud is so inflammatory. I am lucky and grateful that she sleeps so well, and it's definitely not because I'm doing anything right. And I certainly don't want to upset anyone or seem smug. But I won't pretend that I'm not proud of my daughter, because I am and I always will be, even when she is up all night, throwing tantrums, terrible twos, terrible teens, getting drunk etc etc. I don't think anyone should have to apologise for being proud of their DC, and I'm sure that everyone is proud of their children.

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 17/08/2012 21:06

I think that's the point though. I'm proud of my DS. He's fricking amazing. He's gorgeous, cheeky, has the most amazing smile you'll ever see and his laugh is the best sound in the world. Seeing him walk (and the look of amazement in his eyes when he realises he's doing it alone) makes me melt, watching him play with a ball is mezmerising. DH says he is 'better than television' because we both just watch him for hours on end. I'm proud. So proud.

But... he's never slept well, he doesn't eat much, he screaches when he doesn't get his own way. That doesn't make me any less proud.

What I'm trying to say - perhaps very badly - is be proud of your own child, but don't compare them to others. She might be 'better' now, but there'll be things later on that those non-sleeping, loud babies do better/quicker/earlier than yours at some point. When you get there, it will be much easier if your friends are still around and don't think you were smug when she was eight weeks old.

lola88 · 17/08/2012 21:45

I have a friend with a baby like yours she slept through at 2 months never crys and is just very easy going, tbh when i first met her it annoyed me she never had a complaint because i did think no baby is that good but she really is and my friend just has nothing to complain about.

On the other hand now our babies are bigger mine does a lot more, he's a very active and alert baby (making him a terrible sleeper and crys if anything annoys him every just taking a spoon from him can cause angry tears) he does a lot more than her just because she's so easy going she doesn't really try much is just happy to watch the world go by where as DS is very determined to do everything and usually can manage whatever he trys just through trying and trying, my friend is now the one saying why is DD not doing xyz and DS is a few months ago it was me saying why is DD sleeping and DS isn't.

All babies are different some are better at things than others and pretending your child is bad at something to make otherss happy is madness. At some point you will be the one thinking why isn't my baby doing that as well just be carefull not to sound smug or it will come back and bite you.

redbunnyfruitcake · 17/08/2012 22:19

I'm happy for you. I'm glad when other people have a nice time with their babies but I really didn't with mine. It was horrendous and it seemed the only thing we did well was feeding. She latched on and didn't stop and when real food came along she took to it no problem. Sleep however, was a very different story. No sleeping through until over 2 years old and can still be wakeful. On a positive note she is now a wonderful little 3 year old and I enjoy her company so much I sometimes want to keep her off from nursery just so we can spend more time together.

Just enjoy your baby and try to be tactful with some of the less fortunate mums like myself.

MamaBear17 · 17/08/2012 22:54

I had the opposite issue. My daughter had colic and I really struggled in the beginning, but every one else seemed to have babies like yours! Now she is an amazing, excitable toddler who is just a delight to be around. When grandparents babysit they take great delight in telling me that 'she's been really good today' like its something that they have done, and I take equally great delight saying 'I know, she is always like this'. Be proud of your baby, accept you are lucky and enjoy!

brokenmummy · 18/08/2012 08:00

Whatever you do, don't try to offer any advice! The hardest thing for a mum who's baby doesn't sleep is to hear 'advice' from someone who doesn't know the meaning of sleep deprivation and somehow believes that their baby sleeps well because of some trick they tried. (not implying you would!)

And i'd also be inclined to think '2 months?! She doesn't know what's coming!'

enjoy your little bundle, she sounds great.

hazeldog · 18/08/2012 08:10

I have a contented baby too. I feel lucky that he is a natural self soother etc but also allow myself to feel a bit.of pride that even when he has had his colicky nights or refused to be put down for even a minute I have managed to keep my cool and take it in my stride. Personally I think its part nature part nurture but as with anything in life if you can look yourself. in the mirror and know you're doing a good job its ok to be proud of yourself. Not smug though cos that's asking for it!

hazeyjane · 18/08/2012 08:27

I agree with sleepyhead about the well behaved thing. It drove me up the wall when people would ask if ds was 'a good boy' or does he 'behave', because he has horrendous acid reflux, which would have him screaming day and night, nothing to do with being good, or nature v nurture, all to do with his complex medical needs.

Tangointhenight · 18/08/2012 08:30

I think proud is the wrong word because it implies youve done sonethibg right or that your baby is intentionally good, though can't think of the right one, i guess grateful is more appropriate :)

You are very lucky and it's actually really nice to hear that not all babies are like my DD were, don't get me wrong she slept through the night from 12 weeks but she was a nightmare during the day, screechy baby just generally unhappy. But 6 months saw a great change in her and although she is still very high maintenance at 10 months she's definitely more enjoyable. When I hear about babies like yours it makes me hopeful that number 2 won't be such hard work :o

savoycabbage · 18/08/2012 08:32

I thought I was the best mother in the world until I had dd2 and realised that dd1 was the bees knees because of herself and not because of me.

DolomitesDonkey · 18/08/2012 08:48

My first was very easy and I felt I couldn't talk to people about him because of the competitive misery. :(

MainlyMaynie · 18/08/2012 08:48

Everyone is proud of their baby, whether they sleep or not! The appropriate people with whom to share the full details of why you're proud are the baby's father and grandparents and possibly aunts/uncles if they're close. Basically everyone else is talking about their baby for support and don't want to hear the full details of how great your baby is. It's actually quite hard to get your head around that when you're in the wonderful baby bubble though!

DolomitesDonkey · 18/08/2012 08:50

What I mean is, I felt quite isolated by the experience.

My second baby was a reflux horror, even so I find myself whining less than others which leads me to two conclusions.

Some babies are easier than others
Some go in to motherhood with more realistic expectations than others

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