Embarrassed to be proud of my baby.

[Commutinghell]

Does anyone else feel pressure to pretend that their baby is a handful? My DD is 2 months. I'm sure that she will be a nightmare when she's older, there will be tantrums etc etc... But for now, she's getting on just great. Sleeping 8.30 to 7.30 at night, lovely and calm, interested in everything, strong, quiet... But I don't dare mention it. If you say on here that a baby sleeps through at this age everyone says you're lying, in RL everyone complains about their babies and if I mentioned what mine was like they'd think I was bragging. I'm deleriously happy in my own little bubble, but surely I can't be the only one? Fully prepared to be shot down in flames on here but if anyone would like to join me in celebrating their beautiful, well behaved babies I'd love to hear from you.

I think it depends on the conversation you are having. If you have a friend who is tearful and knackered because her child just won't sleep, chipping in with "oh mine does, I'm so proud" might not be an ideal moment. But nothing wrong with being proud of your children (I am of mine, ridiculously so) if you are a: not smug, b: not comparing them to others and c: not basing your pride on them sleeping through and being "well behaved" (hate that phrase related to children btw).

Fwiw, both mine slept through at 2 months. Until about 4 months. BWAHAHAHAHA.

I am pleased for you, although i would be more pleased if it were your second baby. Just because in my experience those with easy first babies think its because of their fab parenting rather then luck and can't possibly appreciate it as much because they've never experienced the alternative.

Have had the "what you're having a difficult time!? but its easy! what your baby vomits all the time? Don't you wind her? she cries in pain all the time? why don't you do something about it?!" . . . conversations with other mums with happy babies.

Not saying you would do this but its made me a tad irritated by those who don't know how lucky they are.

Btw, mum mentioned above went on to have a more difficult one second time around and eventually admitted that it was all just luck and that she hadn't realised how lucky she was.

^ agree! Blood relatives only, with everyone else preserve a discreet silence! (Sorry )

I meant agree with what MainlyMaynie said!

I think tact is the key here. You shouldn't feel bad that you're proud of your baby, or that your baby sleeps well! If anything, you should most definitely be grateful for it, but like others have said, it's obviously not a great idea to rub it in someone elses face if they've been up all night and just want to crawl in to a hole and stay there.

Every baby is different, and sleep is not the only thing that defines a baby, nor is it the only thing that defines a parent!
It's also best to keep an open mind when it comes to parenting. Your baby could be a fab sleeper for the rest of it's life, or it could all change in a couple of months, you never know. It's all about learning and taking it one day at a time. Just appreciate the good things and be respectful to others. :)

All the best with your new baba!

"My first was very easy and I felt I couldn't talk to people about him because of the competitive misery. "

I can totally related to this, it wasn't till mine got a bout of colic that I felt ALLOWED to join in conversations with new mums, I felt I had to almost lie and mutter "mmm yeah its so hard isn't it"

Still waiting on any trouble from DD, she is nearly 3. I never say anything to anyone about how good she is, and even if I did I would be met with I'm sure!

She was 10 weeks early, slept through (6.30pm - 7am) from 6 weeks. Since then I have been awake through the night with her for 40 mins in total, and not at all for about the last 18 months.

She has never been sick or had so much as a cold. Although she does have terrible eye sight and can't see a thing without her glasses, but she wears them no problem.

So far, she has yet to have a tantrum and is as placid as they come, she started nursery a few months ago and waved goodbye to me no problem, was perfectly behaved and then ran into my arms when I returned.

Sure she will change soon, but have been saying that since day 1!

I, however was the baby from hell, never slept, tantrums etc etc and I am sure I don't do anything different to what my mum did. It is just your luck - and I know how very very very lucky I am! (so far!)

I think it's wonderful to be proud of how well your baby is doing! I also think you're only good as your last 24hrs. My baby slept 9pm-7am from 3-12 weeks, then around 3.5 months to 6.5 months would wake every hour or no reason. Sleep deprivation is HIDEOUS and I hope it doesn't happen to you, but think you should be very grateful your baby sleeps though now and jut hope it continues because without being patronising, but at 2 months there's a long way to go still and things could change. A lot! In the meantime, go ahead and be proud and happy! Sounds like you're doing a great job.

I'm glad other people feel the same about not being able to join in conversations so they don't sound smug. Battle your DD sounds amazing! You must be doing something very right! Ever thought of writing a book about how it's done?! If you decide to I will be first in the queue to buy it

Think I will wait until I have another baby before I write my book as I doubt very much it is my doing!

Hmm, Ds1 was incredibly easy as a baby. Even as a 2 year old we would get old ladies commenting on his wonderful manners. He's rather made up for that in the decade + that's followed.

It does make the transition to motherhood easier. I don't think I would have had more babies if ds3 had been my first as he was such a demanding baby.

I'm someone who found her DD to be a very difficult baby (didn't sleep through ever til a year old, and then very variable til finally gave in to CC at 18 months or older), reflux, colic, late on lots of physical milestones, difficult feeder, fussy eater, allergies, very clingy etc (but I should point out also the cleverest, most beautiful, funniest girl in the world in my eyes!). I think I would prefer someone like you to take the, "I'm so lucky my DC is..." tactic than either pretend it is as hard for you (and make me think 'how does she seem to be coping so much better with it then, I must be rubbish at this') or moan about little things just to join in.

For example, I once got speaking to a mum with a baby a little younger than mine when DD was about 7 months, and told her DD was waking up a couple of times in the night and very early in the morning most days. She said hers was sleeping through 7-7, and I thought - lucky you, without feeling at all bitter about it or thinking she shouldn't have said that. However, she followed it up with "It's so hard having to wake up at 7 every single day". I really had to bite my tongue not to be rude then (and I'm not a confrontational person). I don't begrudge her having a moan about that (I moan about similar things now DD is 2 and does sleep through), but never to someone getting much less sleep!!

So I guess I'd agree with the majority on here - be honest about your DD, but make sure it is in a grateful way, not smug!

Oh, and one of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever got was to always ad "at the moment" to the end of things you say or even think about your DD, e.g. "she is sleeping through at the moment" or "she is really difficult at the moment". it makes the bad things seem less permanent and makes you less complacent about the good!!

... as long as you don't think that parents of babies who cry a lot/don't sleep well/are ill / have a dissability / are really hard work shouldn't be proud of their babies too... strange really. Proud is not the way I would put it myself. Proud of a baby sleeping through the night... I have always been proud of my children even if they cried and woke up five times a night.

Of fgs nott, she didn't say anything of the sort. Stop trying to look for things to feel offended about - it just makes you look jealous and bitter frankly.

I agree with CatL - just add 'at the moment' - who knows what she will be like next month, next year, as a teenager!

No not so stealth bragging going on here then.

I'm immensely proud of my 4yo dd and she has never slept through the night. she averages 4hrs a night

OP I may be sleep deprived and a pedant but I'm not sure proud is quite the word that you are looking for. pleased or smug would be more fitting perhaps?

My first was the dream child.
Ate, slept, killed every milestone ( still does) never cried. Perfect child in everyway. I lost a few friends who struggled to see such differences. Don't think i was smug just deleriosly happy. I have learnt to reign in talking about what first can do.

My second failed to sleep, cried ( alot) is a naughty monkey.

Its not just you its them, i love them both equally.

Be diplomatic.

My PFB was perfect for the first few years and I was proud, smug, awestruck and amazed at her. So was OH. We talked about her to each other, doting grandparents and um... nobody else. :)
Bad enough being posh Southerners in Lancashire without setting hackles up about our child as well. So feel as proud as you like, but be careful who you gush to and all will be well.

I think I get what the OP is saying. I have three children and I've had long stretches where I'm in my "everything's going smoothly bubble" and times when that bubble has seriously popped!!

However, I've always felt awkward when fellow mums would tell me how sleep deprived they were and how they've tried x y & z to get some sleep. Awkward because I knew my babies all slept great from a very young age, awkward because I realised that I was doing no different from these worn out mums. This awkwardness led me to pretend that I knew how they felt, and make me lie to make them feel that they were not on their own. Fine every now and then, but I did find that the conversations surrounding babies was always a negative one. Sometimes I did just want to talk about the nice things, but I just never felt I could, for similar reasons that the OP mentioned. It was never because I wanted to be boastful or felt smug - I was fully aware that my circle of friends shared similar parenting tactics...

I have a 'friend' who I bump into every now and then. She's lovely, But I can never tell what's really going on in her mind. She is someone who if I told her the sky was green, she'd agree!! She never seems to have her own opinions and agrees with absolutely everything that myself, or anyone else says. I find this frustrating. I think that mostly it's good to be honest about things. It's just about being tactful and relevant. Sadly, I never felt comfortable being honest on the subject of babies/parenting because of the almost certain backlash from a lot of mums.

Niamh

Hi OP, this is the first time I have posted, have secretly lurked but never felt brave enough to post, but this is something I feel strongly about too! I also feel like I can't talk about motherhood without pointing out all my baby's faults as opposed to being delighted with the good stuff! Yes she is a dream baby and yes we are incredibly lucky, I know this, I also know (because don't you worry it is ALWAYS pointed out to me) that the next baby may not be so good/she will be a terrible toddler/teenager (she 6mths now)) but why should I not be allowed to be openly happy (not smug or not rubbing it in) or not be classed as a 'proper mother' because I have an easy baby. I am saddened by this attitude- I am saddened by the comment above stating that us mums with good first babies will not be apppreciating it properly because we haven't experienced a difficult child... I have many friends with children- some easy some more difficult, I understand what it could be like and yes I am very very grateful and yes proud, but it doesn't make me any less of a mother because I haven't been up all night with a colicky baby. FWIW my 'dream baby' slept 10-8 until 4mths now wakes 2-3 times a night, she doesn't nap in the day 'routinely' but is a happy, contented child.
It is tough work being a mum, with a lot of people willing to judge and tell you that you are doing wrong, so surely, just as we are supportive when someone posts with difficult times we should also cheer with those who post when they are having a good time and maybe if cheering was more celebrated then more positive posts would appear and give those of us who are tired some hope...! I am sorry if this makes no sense, but celebrate with me all you like OP! Sometimes it's ok to feel good about yourself!!!!!!!! 😉

kiwi thanks for posting, I really appreciate it, I know the first post is nerve wracking. And thanks to everyone who has had similar experiences and been so understanding and positive. I'm also pleased to hear from the people who are bitching about what I, and others have said on here and saying it's smug, thereby illustrating our point so well

TBH having had a very easy first baby, I think it's a bit of a non issue!

Just enjoy it, but don't tell people struggling how easy it is. You don't have to join in their tales of woe, but equally don't expect them to rejoice in how easy it is for you. Some people do really really struggle with first babies, and often than knocks their confidence and they don't need to feel that it must be to do with them (even if you know it isn't, they might not). Tell people who aren't struggling. Or grandparents who are as into talking about your baby as you.

TBH I never found having an easy baby set me apart from others in my antenatal group. When he started becoming very difficult - that did isolate me, but not the easy times. I just drank tea, and ate biscuits and greatly enjoyed the first year of motherhood.

Yes OP, my DS is just like this. He's my first, and likely only.

My friend brought her 8 week old into work to see us last week and was saying how everything is so much easier with her second DD, she sleeps, feeds well etc and it's much easier second time around. Naturally i am delighted for her as she did have quite a hard time with her first. But i have always bitten my tongue with her in this respect and i suppose hammed it up a bit about the occasional difficult phase my DS has gone through. In reality he's a doddle - easy, happy, few tantrums (he's now 21 mo), loving, outgoing, friendly, good eater etc. I've loved literally every little phase of his young life and he's currently such an entertainer that it's very hard to find anything 'difficult' about him - he just makes me laugh lots.

Having said all of this, what i have noticed is that because you get lulled into a false sense of security with an easy baby, when they do have difficult moments it can be harder to deal with because your expectations are so high.

Not quite sure what anyone's said on here that I would consider 'bitching' OP...

OP I don't think that all the mums who haven't had an 'easy' baby have been 'bitching' at all. On the whole they have just said that being tactful & grateful is probably the best way forward if your in a conversation with a sleep deprived mother. Unfortunately your last comment makes you sound quite blinkered & that you haven't taken on anyone elses viewpoint (AKA smug!)

8 weeks is also very early - the 4 month growth spurt, weaning and any developmental milestone coincided with a change in my DS sleep so don't count your chickens (ps I was smug