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Original poster

Gender of third child

56 replies

Alfiepants · 15/08/2012 19:54

I feel guilty for posting this but here goes... I have 2 gorgeous boys under 2 and still I can't get the idea of completing our family with a girl. I wouldn't change my boys for the world and I was never disappointed of their gender but I can't help feeling that it won't be complete without a little girl to share that mother daughter bond in time. Obviously nature might have othe ideas and I can't decide whether we try again in a year or so or count the blessings we have. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Ohhelpohnoitsa · 15/08/2012 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GnocchiNineDoors · 15/08/2012 19:57

Id suggest only trying again if you would be just as happy with a third boy.

How many babies will you be prepared to have on the off chance that one of them is a girl?

LegoAcupuncture · 15/08/2012 19:58

Ok, completely normal to feel a girl would be great. How would you feelif you did become pregnant with a boy?

I had two boys and became pregnant by surprise (well by sex but it was a shock) and hoped it would be a girl. Was adamant it was a girl. At the scan we decided to find out the sex and it was a boy. Had a brief period of 5 or so mnutes being a bit disappointed but that faded very quickly.

Having three boys is great, and I don't know any better. I don't long for a girl at all.

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JustFabulous · 15/08/2012 19:58

Isn't it funny how some have the "ideal" but would prefer a different option.

I have boy, girl, boy but tbh 3 boys would have been easier.

Plus MIL made it clear she prefers boys.

I love my daughter and wouldn't swap her at all. I was thrilled to bits to have a girl, as was dh. It is other people who have made me feel the way I do. But no more.

Original poster

Alfiepants · 15/08/2012 20:05

The honest truth is that If I had a crystal ball and knew it would be a boy then I probably would be a bit disappointed. My husband is perfectly happy with 2 so 3 would be an arm twist to say the least. All of that said if the baby were a boy I know I'd love him just the same but there wouldn't be any more after that!

OP posts:

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 15/08/2012 20:08

Just to throw into the mix a reminder that even if you had a girl, you might have totally different (or much too similar) personality types, there is no guarantee of a special mother daughter bond (as in something different to the way you love your boys).

goingdownhill · 15/08/2012 20:09

I have two boys and we decided to try for a third child. In all honesty having had two son's I hoped for a girl, just for difference certainly not that girls are "better". We had a daughter and I was delighted.

At the age of 3.5 I can honestly say there is no difference at all between DD and her brothers. She is an utter tomboy, she won't wear dresses or skirts. She won't play with anything other than trains, cars and fire engines. She is always dressed up as spider man or a transformer. I only mean that if you think and expect a girl you can do the traditionally "girly" stuff with your DD could have the complete opposite character. I adore this side of my DD and I would never want to change it. If I had banked on a pink princessy girl I would of been in for a shock.

I only mean think about your expectations of what having a daughter means to you. I know I am far more likely to have my shopping days and girly chats from DS1

JustFabulous · 15/08/2012 20:23

My dd isn't a girlie girl either.

baskingseals · 15/08/2012 20:31

agree with expectations of daughters. i have a dd and 2 boys. i was desperate to have more girls when i was pregnant. my dd is now 10. she is not what i expected. i am lucky in that i don't favour one child over another, but the relationship i have with the boys is just so much easier than with dd.
if i were to have another i would be happy with either gender, but have a slight preference for a boy. i never, ever thought i would say that.
just be careful what you wish for, because it isn't always as you think.

MammyToMany · 15/08/2012 20:37

I have 3 boys.

I was told at my scan with my eldest that I was having a girl and I was delighted. I bought dresses, painted her room, choose her name.... And then I had a little boy. All those months of day dreams and my visions of the future were gone and I felt slightly shell shocked for a couple of hours but once I got my head round it I was chuffed to bits with my little man.

We didn't ask the sex when I was pregnant with second baby, but I secretly wanted a girl. I still had all those pretty little dresses folded up ready to be used. I had a little boy and can still remember feeling disappointed. I'm ashamed of that now as he is a fantastic lad and it is brilliant to watch my boys together as brothers, seeing them grow up together etc.

8 years later I was pregnant again, I quietly convinced myself that this was my girl. Everyone said the same thing, that they thought I was having a girl etc I had a gender scan at 18 weeks which clearly showed he was a He and I did feel slightly disappointed but when other people commented about what a shame it was etc I felt fiercely protective of my boy and was over the moon when he was born. He is the sweetest, most affectionate, loving, funny, precious thing to have ever set foot in this world and I wouldn't change a single thing about him - no girl could compare to my little man.

I am currently pregnant with number 4 and I desperately want another BOY I am convinced I am having a little brother for my boys and will be delighted if I am. I wouldn't admit it out loud but I really would prefer not to have a girl (although would love her to bits) im not sure what's changed but the yearning for a daughter has completely gone.

musttidyupmusttidyup · 15/08/2012 20:38

Don't pressure yourself to decide right now. Give it a year. We were in same position and I wanted a girl although I'd never admit it . When we tried for no 3 I was fully prepared for the fact that we may well have another boy (DH one of 7 boys) and was quite happy with that. Once pregnant I knew I would in no way be disappointed if it were a boy.
It was a girl. She is lovely and I'm a lucky woman

lovechoc · 16/08/2012 09:01

I cannot understand this logic at all. Surely you should be happy with the gender of your two DC??? I have two boys and feel having a third (boy or girl) would just ruin things for the two I've got already. The girl (if it was ever to happen) would be like an only child and would be left out. I'd feel I'd need to have a fourth to complete the family...in the hope of having another girl so she'd have a sister who understands what it's like growing up. Where does it end??

If it was another boy I'd also feel that one would get left out for different reasons.

There are so many advantages to having only two boys/two girls. Try and look at the positives, just turn you whole way of thinking upside down? You may find you are lucky to have the perfect family already!

And having a girl doesn't necessarily mean they'll like pink, wear dresses, buying make-up, etc. I know many who have two girls and the daughter is not in any way girly like that. It's all in your mind and it's what others expect girls to do. Doesn't mean it will work out that way.

Tommy · 16/08/2012 09:05

I secretly wanted DS3 to be a girl and was disappointed for about 2 seconds after he was born. I can honestly say now that 3 boys is fantastic and I am so glad I didn't have a girl although obviously if he had been, I'd have been delighted as well

DoIgetastickerforthat · 16/08/2012 10:17

I'm a mum of three boys too. With DS1, I had no preference and was thrilled to have a boy. DS2, I had convinced myself that it must be a girl as the pregnancy was so different and to my shame, cried after the scan, but quickly got over it. DS3, I just knew was a boy from early on so no feelings of disappointment. I always wanted a mix but there are massive benefits to having single gendered siblings.

I wouldn't change a single hair on any of their heads and I am currently expecting a surprise 4th baby and another boy would be very welcome (although try convincing family and friends of that!).

Don't have another to have a girl, have anothr because a third child would enrich your family.

Yorkpud · 17/08/2012 14:39

2 of my friends have just had a their third baby after having 2 boys. One openly admitted wanting a girl and that they had done everything in their power (charting to have sex at optimum time, diet etc) to get one. The other desperately wanted a girl too but was less open about it.

Both had boys - they are happy and love their babies but are already on about having a fourth!!! Where does it end!

Theas18 · 17/08/2012 14:46

Gbg here.actually I was a bit upset when ds was born assuming people would think I was mad for wanting a 3 Rd child at all!

3 is great but is so against the UK norm that everything is a bit more difficult.be aware of that

JustFabulous · 17/08/2012 15:12

We already had a boy and a girl and some people actually said they couldn't understand why we were having another child .

eragon · 17/08/2012 16:44

I didnt care if i had boys or girls, by the time I had 2 boys and pregnant again everyone else thought it was for a girl. But by that point I WANTED another boy, I was the mum of boys and couldnt picture myself with a girl.

people came up to my husband and said they were so sorry to hear we had another boy!

I got preggers again as we always wanted four kids, and the last was a girl.

now people think we stopped having kids because we had a girl.

complete madness really. feel very lucky to have the kids i have.

WinkyWinkola · 17/08/2012 17:11

I have 2 dss and 1 dd. Pg with dc4 which I'm pretty certain is another boy.

I wanted another girl purely for the OCDness of family symmetry! I'm not really upset about it but I can totally understand why people want to parent both genders as long as they know girls can be real tomboys and boys can be massively sensitive, fragile flowers.

The mother - daughter bond is cobblers, I reckon. It's the mother - child bond that matters.

wasabipeanut · 17/08/2012 17:26

I was quite by the number of people who assumed that our third pregnancy was unplanned because we had one of each. We had boy, girl, boy and I love it. 3 was always my number and it feels so right. Gender was fairly immaterial.

naturalbaby · 17/08/2012 17:50

I felt the same as you a while ago, then I had a 3rd boy - bit of a surprise pregnancy actually. I still wonder about having a girl, and think I'll always have a list of girls names in the back of my mind, but 3 really is a good handful!

lovechoc · 17/08/2012 18:39

I think many couples do keep going until they get both genders though eragon, I just don't think it's as openly talked about because people would be slated for it. Just from looking at various threads on MN it seems obvious the ones that keep trying until they get a mixed gender family.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 17/08/2012 19:51

I already had a girl and a boy when I got pregnant with DC3 - several people openly asked me why I was having another, or said things implying they assumed it was an accidental pregnancy (like "You'll be fine, it can happen to anyone...") because I already had "A Pair" ... we live in Germany, where the straight talking, say it as you see it type approach puts Yorkshire to shame :o

I wanted 3 children, regardless of gender, but the more I think about it, the more I notice that here, where 1 or 2 children are generally the norm, most of the families I can think of with 3 do have the first 2 of the same gender... exceptions being the families of 5, both of whom started with girl then boy, then went on to have 3 more, and 1 with girl then boy then a 14 year gap, who openly tells people DC3 was a surprise but spoils her rotten to make up for it...

musttidyupmusttidyup · 17/08/2012 21:05

I would have had three even if I'd had one of each. Not saying I had a third to try for a girl but just that I was delighted to have her. Sure I would be posting the same had she been a third boy.

Fuzzymum1 · 17/08/2012 22:10

As the wife of a third son who was born because after two boys his parents were desperate for a girl I can say, only have a 3rd child if you would be happy to have three boys and I mean truly happy, not: "we'll deal with it" happy to have another boy. DH grew up with a very poor relationship with his dad and always feeling like he was less than wanted. Whereas his younger sister who was born a couple of years later has always been and remains the apple of daddy's eye and it's so obvious to all the family. Have a 3rd if what you want is a 3rd child, not because you want a girl. I hate that DH grew up feeling like a byproduct.

When we added a 3rd child to our family I would have chosen a girl if I had the choice but really didn't mind which. As soon as I was told he was a boy at my 20 week scan I couldn't have been happier. I love that our youngest is the third son of a third son :D

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