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Parenting

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Original poster

Opinions please - is it possible to become a parent without hardly breaking stride?

99 replies

mousiemousie · 06/03/2006 18:51

Sorry for posting again but the thread title went wrong! So here it is again as I am desperate for opinions!

My best friend is pregnant at age 39 - hurrah! Her partner is in his early 40's.

She is adamant that the baby will have to fit around their lives, and that the new baby will not be the focus of their lives, just a great "add-on"! I think she feels like this partly because she feels I have been too focused on my child (who is now 7) and not enough on myself or on the rest of my life - as if I have sacrificed too much.

But is it really possible to have a child and not really break step, just to carry on as before but with 1 extra around? Obviously my bf and her partner are very used to a child free existence and have been for a long time...are they right in thinking it is possible to have a child and carry on much as before?

OP posts:

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alexsmum · 05/05/2006 18:56

haven't read the threadjust the op, but just wanted to say that she is talking the talk of the uninitiated!!! she has no idea what life is going to be like once she has her baby, or how she is going to feel.
ask her again in 3 months time.she 'll maybe have some idea then how it all works!

FrannyandZooey · 05/05/2006 19:01

I do have one friend who comes close IMO to achieving what the OP's friend intends to do. She is currently cycling across Mexico with her toddler in a trailer

I intended to be this sort of mother. However the instant ds was born some primevally huge protective instinct kicked in and I spent the next 12 months gibbering in case something was permitted to hurt a hair on his head. The necessary precautions to avoid this happening did not involve cycling across Mexico, in my case.

Original poster

mousiemousie · 06/09/2006 19:55

Friend is now 2 weeks from due date.

IS thinking of buying blackout blinds to help her sleep during the day.

I told her she won't need them.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

liath · 06/09/2006 19:57

Ooh, I remember this thread - do keep us posted on how she gets on (evil).

annh · 06/09/2006 20:00

Oh great, I had forgotten about this thread! If your friend is lucky enough to be able to sleep during the day, she will be so exhausted she won't need even curtains! Do let us know what happens!

Original poster

mousiemousie · 06/09/2006 20:05

yes, I really cannot believe she will have problems sleeping, blackout blinds or not.

I am really excited about the baby now!
My friend still has a 2 seater sportscar which is quite a squash for her to fit behind the wheel of...not sure if she still can!

OP posts:

Tommy · 06/09/2006 20:08

I think some people try to give the impression that a baby won't change their life (although quite why you would want a baby if it wasn't going to chnage your life I don't know) but at some point it will all come crashing around them and they will discover that they have no choice in it changing their life!!

Original poster

mousiemousie · 06/09/2006 20:10

Do you think it is harder if you are older, as you have had longer to get used to living to suit yourself?

OP posts:

colditz · 06/09/2006 20:15

I do thinbk it is harder as you get older, because when you are barely into your 20's half the time you have always been skint and have never been your own boss - much like having a tiny baby

wrinklytum · 06/09/2006 20:15

Absolutely impossible IMO !!!!BIGGEST LIFECHANGE EVER

hovely · 06/09/2006 20:24

sportscar!!!
HA HA HA!
hope it all goes OK for her

hovely · 06/09/2006 20:26

meant to say - has she actually bought a pushchair?
does it fit in the car?
that nice white leather upholstery wont look the same for long

Original poster

mousiemousie · 06/09/2006 20:30

not sure if pushchair fits her car...but it will definitely fit in his. So she is planning on keeping the sportscar presumably for those occaisions when she doesn't have the baby with her.

OP posts:

FloatingOnTheMed · 06/09/2006 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mousiemousie · 29/09/2006 17:52

A little update - the baby was born this week. He is super-gorgeous, she won't have any problems getting other people to babysit with a baby like him! Sadly it was a section delivery so my poor friend won't be running around as soon as she would like. They are very proud parents, but quite tired. I tried to suggest that the tiredness may be less than temporary!
My friend is breast feeding for added portability...I'm just waiting to see if this baby will join in the whirlwind lifestyle or if he will run the show now!

(he could run my show anyday, he is utterly yummy!

OP posts:

NotSoUselessMum · 29/09/2006 19:16

congrats to your friend mousie.

I admit I was exactly like her, and I was more then shocked!! It was a continous battle between my old self and this gorgeous baby who needed me so much and so often. I fought this new life and made me quite stressed the first few months.

however, my will of keeping doing the same things as before (which obviously, as you all know, does not happen) made me do very many things with DD from day one. and made me and DH quite easy going and mobile. compared to other people I know we managed not to be totally ruled by our DD.

but then again, I've got only one and she's only 14m... I'm sure I'll be in for another shock next time.

cannot blame her for thinking that way though. it is absolutely impossible to imagine how it is before it actually happens to you.

Rookiemum · 29/09/2006 20:27

After I stopped laughing at your friends naivety and scrolled through the other comments, one thing did occur to me.

You sound like a good friend so be there for her when the baby comes. I think I read somewhere that women are most likely to suffer from pnd when their expectations don't match reality ( hope I got that right I'm sure some wiser MNer will correct me if I haven't)

I know I had NO idea whatsoever until rookiebaby was born and couldn't understand why my bf had to rush home from my hen do ( after two nights away from her DD) and joyfully thought that having a baby was a great way to get some time of work for a break, hah, hah ,hah.

Having said that we have been on 4 trips away with rookiebaby and are going abroad with him next month, so we are still continuing to live our lives.

Rookiemum · 29/09/2006 20:28

Sorry should have read your last post, she will be doubly tired after a C section

Rhubarb · 29/09/2006 20:37

When I had mine I had a terrible time during the pregnancy and had refused to think about the birth or the possibility of even having a baby around, so when the baby did come I was very shocked and surprised. I remember the midwife visiting when dd was around a week old and I asked her how long I would have to wait before dd slept through, her answer of 3 months at the earliest sent shockwaves through me! I have never realised that they didn't just sleep through!

I was incredibly naive, partly through choice I am ashamed to say because even though I had plenty of nieces and nephews, and my best friend had three of her own, I had very little to do with them and never really took an interest.

But when you realise that you cannot do the things you want to do, that certain projects have to go on the back burner, you find that you don't mind as much as you thought you would. You are so enthralled and wrapped up in this little one that you cannot imagine doing anything without them, and it is then when this whole new amazing world opens up and you become a far better person for it.

Callisto · 29/09/2006 20:57

"But when you realise that you cannot do the things you want to do, that certain projects have to go on the back burner, you find that you don't mind as much as you thought you would. You are so enthralled and wrapped up in this little one that you cannot imagine doing anything without them, and it is then when this whole new amazing world opens up and you become a far better person for it." That is so, so true.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 24/07/2008 20:45

How did this turn out then?

itati · 24/07/2008 20:47

Errrrrr no

Why have a child if you don't want your life to change?

itati · 24/07/2008 20:48

OMG 2006 thread!!!!!!!!

morningpaper · 24/07/2008 20:48

hehehehe

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