dh was yelling at ds1 for not having his spelling....

[stitch]

and among the things he said were

why cant you and your mother do a simple task like remembering your spelling list.

you will have to earn money when you are older. no one will feed you. unlike your mother

both you and your mother should get jobs so you can learn some responsibility.

ds is not even 9 yet.

why do you ive swith this man?

coz i dont have the guts to move out and deal with the problems of being a single parent

Sorry but he sounds like a horrible man.
You always come across as so confident on here, why would you take that at home?
Did you reply?

what will make you leave him?

He sounds as if he's actually using his ds to get at you, which is vile for both of you. Do you ever challenge him when he behaves like this?

i htink oyu need to go stitch

no, i didnt say anything to him. other than telling him not to hit him.
cod is right, we get the marriage we settle for
iv have to go now to playgroup. will be back in a couple of hours.
you guys are my lifeline

Oh Stitch, i wish you wouldn't settle for it.
I'm sure being a single Parent and all that entails would be better for you and your son in the longrun. (but i know i'm talking from a lovely safe viewpoint).
Just feel for you as that situation sounds awful.

no in this case you are subjecting your boy to his marriage
fgs stictch leave him
you are being understanadbly scared but inthis intsance oyu aev to leave

Stitch

Leave, sweetheart. You can do it by yourself and your boy will respect you more for doing it.

stitch, i loved being a single parent. it was so much easier than living with an abusive partner. once i got up the courage to leave i wondered why on earth i didnt do it before. i now have lovely dp, but i still think its easier being single sometimes!

your son will grow up to be the man you make him. how will you feel when he treats his own kids that way?

Stitch, why is it easier to stay with an abusive man who both you and your son are scared of, than to leave him? You don't deserve to settle for living like this and more to the point, neither does your son. He can't chose for himself whether to leave or not, but you can.

reasons why i stay with him.
money
preserving the status quo
he is the father of my children, andi will never be rid of him. if i leave i will still have all the aggro from him, without any of the financial benefits
i dont want to be a 'divorced' woman. very old fashioned, but i dont want to deal with those problems.
he doesnt drink, take drugs or gamble.
he doesnt have affairs
when he is out, i know he is working, not spending time and money on some floozy.
he has a very good public persona. he can be generous and caring. the only person he is horrible to is me and ds1, when he is actually trying to yell at me. this mornings yelling was because he thinks i am a crap mother who cant be bothered to check her child has his spelling/hw with him. etc.

i have my head stuck in the mud. or is it sand?

you are seriosuly deluded./

money - youll stil get eom

i dont want to be a 'divorced' woman. very old fashioned, but i dont want to deal with those problems. - SO WHAT
he doesnt drink, take drugs or gamble. AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO EB GRATEFUL?
he doesnt have affairs DITTO
when he is out, i know he is working, not spending time and money on some floozy. DITTO
he has a very good public persona. he can be generous and caring. the only person he is horrible to is me and ds1, when he is actually trying to yell at me. this mornings yelling was because he thinks i am a crap mother who cant be bothered to check her child has his spelling/hw with him. etc.................. if he cant be nice to you lot themn his publec persona means jack shit

i know cod. i know
everything you say, i agree with, and say to him as well. but, i guess i am just a wimp

youa re
how bad does it have to get
what if he hits you
or does he already

oimagine i was posting allt hat what wodul you say

It is scary making the break Stitch, but once it's done you feel so relieved you won't care about money etc.

I feel so glad to be single right now, wouldn't swap it for a million pounds.

If I may add this. What your son is learning from your Husband is how he will talk to and treat his future wife and children. He will also grow up with no confidence, therefore not ever reaching his full potential. Get him out of there now so history doesn't reapeat itself and he doesn't turn in to his father. If for nobody else, at least do it for him.

I wish you all the luck in the world and however hard it is, it won't be as hard as watching your son grow up unhappy and wondering why you didn't leave the man sooner.

I had similar at the weekend, stitch.
have you tried calling his bluff, eg Great, when can I get a job?

sorry stitch but
'he has a very good public persona'.

That makes it even worse, so he's a good actor when he's out but just puts you and your son down?. That's horrible.

Stitch, you need to make up your mind I guess about whether you want you and your son to continue to be victims of this man, because that's what you are at the moment.

He sounds like a vile, vile man.

he doesnt hit me. but about seven years ago i had him arrested

What a horrible situation for you to be in stitch.

But you know what? Being a single mum is not as horrible as you think. Honestly. And I speak as an unmarried single mum.

Am happy to discuss my circs if you want :)

Sending you my love and support x