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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

dh was yelling at ds1 for not having his spelling....

63 replies

stitch · 06/03/2006 09:23

and among the things he said were

why cant you and your mother do a simple task like remembering your spelling list.

you will have to earn money when you are older. no one will feed you. unlike your mother

both you and your mother should get jobs so you can learn some responsibility.

ds is not even 9 yet.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Angeliz · 09/03/2006 09:39

I'm with Cod on this Sticth.
Your kids need out of this situation and you need to make the move before any more damage is done. It's not fair on you but it's certainly not fair on them and makes me feel sad just reading it. Can't imagine how they're feeling

ponygirl · 09/03/2006 09:41

Oh stich, poor you and your poor children . I third/fourth(?) cod. Please do something. For them and for you. xx

Sparklemagic · 09/03/2006 09:46

I agree with cod and I'm pleased she and others are being so definite about this.

You can't control what your partner does to you and the kids while you're living with him, but YOU can control whether you let your kids have this damage inflicted on them for one more day. It's up to you and they will thank their mum for thinking enough of them to get them out of the situation.

Hope you get lots of support in RL and there is obviously plenty on here.

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cori · 09/03/2006 10:18

Stitch, I am almost in tears myself reading your post this morning. I dont know you well, but we met at the big Xmas meetup. You seemed to be such a bubbly, confident and happy person. This man will destroy all your best qualities if you dont make a move.
What is this relationship teaching your children?. Your daughter to be a victim, and son to be an abuser. You children wont thank you for staying. Is there anyone in RL that knows what you are going through?

cori · 09/03/2006 10:21

By the way, your not a wimp. You had the guts to have him arrested when he was beating you. It takes person to do that.

Marina · 09/03/2006 10:28

Stitch, you need and deserve love and respect and whatever else you are deriving from this marriage you aren't getting those.
Soiling in a boy of your ds' age without a major health issue is a sure sign he is under dire stress. Cod is right.
Agree with all the other posters here - PLEASE make plans, little by little if you feel big steps are too much, to get you and the kids away from this man. Please take poppadum's advice about the Asian Women's support.
And wherever you are based there must be some Mners nearby who can also help.

cori · 09/03/2006 10:44

I meant a 'strong' person.

Nightynight · 09/03/2006 12:49

stitch, its evident from your previous posts that you have a lot of regard for your dh. do you still feel that way?

You have managed to control one thing in your marriage, if you managed to stop him from hitting you. At least he is scared of the police, and if he really hasnt hit you since then, it shows that he can change his behaviour.
Can you fix the other things about your marriage, assuming that you want to? Does he talk about what he is not happy about (I don't mean the sort of crap that they shout when they're angry, I mean proper constructive talk) Maybe you need a fundamental shift like you getting a job, or moving house, or him changing career?

Frankly, I dont blame you if you dont want to go the womens refuge route. (for anyone who hasnt thought about this, it is well nigh impossible to escape in the long term from an angry, determined and intelligent man. You cant stay in a womens refuge for ever. And private detectives can usually find people. The system assumes that abusive husbands are stupid and poor.)

littlemisspiggy · 09/03/2006 13:02

Stitch, I'm sorry I also agree with Cod.Your H sounds like an arrogant arse and because of it you and your kids are really suffering. Please do something. As someone else asked, do you have any friends or family (even just one person) you can confide in and who could help you make plans.

hunkermunker · 09/03/2006 15:21

Oh, Stitch, my darling, please get help.

Make an appointment with your GP - I'll nag you till you do.

Thinking of you - please don't let this man ruin all your lives, please.

Original poster

stitch · 10/03/2006 08:24

thank you for so much support.
ive had a look at the cab website. will make an appointment to see them monday.
but i need to first figure out just how deeply i am involved in dh business. as i think he has me down as an employee who gets wages and dividends as well

OP posts:

Original poster

stitch · 10/03/2006 08:28

meanwhile life is continueing. having a lunch/dinner party for all my inlaws tomorrw. 30 odd people.

OP posts:

batters · 10/03/2006 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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