step in or let her learn?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

DD is 3.5. We recently moved house and where we now live there are about 10 or so kids who all play together outside. They range in age from 4 to maybe 8 or 9.

At first I was unhappy letting her go out to play as shes so young but they kept calling for her and so now she is allowed to go out aslong as she stays quite near the house.

Most of the other kids look out for her as she is the youngest, making sure she moves for cars (which are all aware of the kids...quiet cul de sac) and telling her to stay near hone.

But one of the older girls was swinging her by her arm quite violently last week. Then DD yesterday DD came back in and after some pushing said that the kids didnt like her.

When she went back out the same girl from last week was hitting her face with a tassle pom pom thing and was then repeatedly throwing a stone (the size of a tennis ball) at her.

I went out and asked the girl why she was doing this and she just turned her back and walked away.

I know my DD is only young, but do I keep stepping in, or accept that this happens and let DD learn how to stand up for herself?

At 3.5, I'd step in, yes.

WHen she's school age (5) then it can be useful for them to stand up for themsleves, but she is little yet.

What's your gut feeling?

Blimey...keep stepping in or actually keep her in. She is too little to stand up for herself against much older children.

She's only tiny so I would keep a close eye.

How much older is the girl that hits her? I'd be inclined to have a word with her parents if it carries on.

My gut says step in but then I dont want them teasing her for being a mummys girl.

DP is of the mindset that she should stand up for herself but we have agreed that if it happens again we will go to her parents.

The girl is around 7 or 8 i think. DD did say that the other girls were asking if she was ok, but I know they didnt say anything to the stone thrower. I get the feeling she was the oldest out at the time and isnt to be argued with.

I do want to keep her in but its so hard when they call for her everyday and on the whole they all seem nice. Also Im worried about DDs social skills with other kids and thought this might help.

good grief, of course you should step in. she's only 3.5!
and if the same girl keeps picking on her then i'd stop letting her out and i';d have a word with the girls parents

she shouldn't have to stand up for herself at 3.5

actually, if it happens again i would go out and say quite loudly so that they can ALL hear, that she won't be coming out to play if others are being unkind because she is only little and so if they can't play nicely then she won't be going out again.

7 or 8 and throwing stones at a toddler? Crikey.

I'd keep my dd in tbh. I can't see what a 3 year old will gain from being near a much older bully. Surely she can practice her social skills at nursery?

Shes not starting preschool until sept. Not that long I guess...

Also, I dont think my DD should be the one to suffer by being kept in because of a bully iyswim?

When I went out I made it quite clear I wasnt pleased and while I didnt shout I was speaking quite loudly so all the kids would hear.

Also, she does know about cars etc, I just meant that they look out for her. And if the cul de sac wasnt as quiet as it is she wouldnt be out at all.

Fucking hell i wouldnt even let her out without me at 3.5 let alone let older children throw stones at her and swing her around.

Are you for reel?

wannabe, are you in Norway rather than in the UK? The situation you describe sound more Scandinavian than British, to be honest....

Oh, I just saw a mouse!

Not a wind up fgs. And I thought exactly the same at first. But most of the kids arent that much older, they play right infront of our house and shes in and out every two minutes anyway.

I cant wrap her in cotton wool forever. And from growing up being allowed to do nothing I dont want her to be the sad kid that never gets out.

Sounds fairly normal to me... Over here in Ireland playing out on quiet streets is still the norm. Ds2 plays outside and he's only 3

Thanks summerrain. Im from northern ireland and tbh didnt think it was THAT unusual.

I think that at 3.5 you can be a 'mummy's girl'. I am generally all for independence and not wrapping them in cotton wool, but she is little more than a baby! Let her do it in her own time-I don't think that staying in at the moment is going to make her a social outcast.

Yeah I think Im overly worried bout how she gets on socially and should just let it go.

However I really dont agree that it should be her that is kept in when she did nothing wrong.

I will just keep stepping in and as I said, of it happens again I will be going to speak to the other girls parents.

You don't want to step in after a child DOUBLE the age of your toddler threw a STONE at her head, REPEATEDLY?

Wow...

Oh endangeredotter, really. Dont get your judgey pants in a twist. When did I say she was throwing it at her head???

Clearly everyone is missing the point. At sone stage in her life eg in two months when she starts preschool, I wont be there to protect her from every nasty little so and so who hurts her. Physically or otherwise.

Clearly when its endangering her physically I will step in. But am I really so wrong to want to promote her being able to stand up for herself?

Personally I wouldn't be letting at child of that age out on their own without you able to supervise her. She is so young still. Not criticising or judging, just feel it may be in her best interests if you stick to play dates with others her own age at home, rather than letting her out in the street. If I was in your shoes, I'd say to the older children that your DD will know longer be able to play out now, as she's actually quite young and not at the stage of understanding all the games they play yet.

DS1 is 5yo and he's not allowed to play out on his own just yet.

At preschool there are staff around to supervise the play that goes on in the nursery setting, so they are responsible adults around to look after all the children. In the street, you are relying on no one but older children who you do not know all that well and who are not mature enough to always know right from wrong.

I would not be letting my 3.5 yo out without an adult supervising them. At all. My 5yo gets to play outside - in gardens or parks, climb trees, all sorts, but she needs adult supervision.

YABU to think that a 3yo should be standing up for themselves. That is the parent's job.

My 3.5 played out in our lane (private lane, cul-de-sac, only four houses, we all know each other) last summer.

I hovered (other kids were 8,7,6 and 5) - she really didn't have a clue how to play with kids this age at first and they were bigger, but they sorted it all out by the end of the Summer.

OP I think 3.5 is a little young TBH. You might just have to invent reasons to be out front when she's out - washing car, gardening etc.

Oh I give up.