newborn wanting to be held

[DizzyKipper]

Help! I feel very out of my depth at the minute, could do with some advice.
It's day 3 of being completely on my own to look after our 2 week old girl and it's not been going so well. Everytime I've put her in the moses basket so I can try to get on with a bit of housework she's cried within a minute or 2, I think mainly it's because she wants to be held since I feed her, change as necessary and burp before putting her in. DH thinks I need to leave her to settle herself down since she has to learn she can't have attention all the time. I know she has to learn that eventually but is it right when she's only 2 weeks?
Would appreciate hearing about what other mums have done. I think part of the problem is that we've had so many visits and phone calls since she was born I haven't really even had time to think about what seems 'right' or found my feet as a mum and so am today just feeling particularly overwhelmed. The phone has now been unplugged though.

get a sling, a good one like a stretchy wrap. Then your baby gets held and you can get on with other things.
Worked for all of mine.

if she is only 2 weeks old she is not capable of 'learning', she just needs to be held all the time, unless she is actually sleeping. This time passes quickly.

When ever you are feeling over whelmed the best thing you can do is spend a few days doing nothing but relaxing and holding your baby. You need the rest and you also need to watch out for her cues. Get to know how long she can stay awake for, how long and how much she likes to feed. Mine liked to feed, be awake for around an hour then feed some more before going off to sleep.

I'm not a huge fan of baby books, but i do like Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer book.

get a sling. you are right, two weeks is too soon for anything but holding the baby. housework is mainly unimportant, and your dh can do anything absolutely necessary.

Housework should be your DH's job at the moment.

You have only 3 things to do:

1. Feed baby
2. Cuddle baby
3. Sleep when not doing 1 and 2

I totally second what fluffyanimal has said, and agree that a sling may be an idea for when she gets a bit bigger so that you can get on and do stuff if you so wish :)

Damn newborns wanting to be held all the time!

Seriously, forget the housework, forget everything and hold that baby.

I remember a friend coming round to see me and me wailing "But how do I put her down?" and that was when DD was about 8 weeks old.

Don't worry about your DD learning to self settle - it's far too early and she'll be able to do it as she gets older. You really won't be getting into bad habits by holding her all the time now. She hasn't yet realised she isn't part of you so it's no wonder she wants to be held.

I was so worried about this as everyone told me to put DD down awake and I just couldn't - she learned to self settle at around 12 weeks when she found her thumb. I wish I had just kicked back and enjoyed the cuddles!

yes, totally normal and she doesn't need to learn. :(

second the sling. i have one (stretchy wrap) for my DS2 and it's great.

i wish I'd had one for DS1 as well, i remember the feeling of being overwhelmed and getting nowhere. it is normal for this stage though when they need a lot of snuggles. at least with the sling you can get your hands free to eat lunch!

got my sling fairly cheaply from Victoria sling lady - should be first result on Google.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Newborns just need to be cuddled. Once you've accepted that, it's lovely

Very normal. Cuddle her lots, and get your DH to do the housework when he gets home.

So glad that there is one voice on here!

Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. Then if you must to sme odd jobs, then a comfy sling!

Enjoy these weeks, they are soo much more important than the dust

If a visitor arrives empty handed send them to do a job or let them leave with a shopping list or a box of ironing.

I have a newborn too (currently asleep on me, AGAIN) and at this stage, IMHO, if she needs holding, she needs holding.

A sling is a good compromise so you can get some stuff done too.

Newborns really do make you just stop and be don't they? I know there are some things that have to be done, but anything non-essential just has to wait.

yesterday I was trying to figure out how to go for a wee whilst holding her but, this stage will be over in a few weeks.

Hold her. I had similar discussions with my DH when our DD was tiny. He was wrong, end of. By 4 months she was happy to sit in the bouncy chair or kick about on the playmat.
It is exhausting but it feels less overwhelming if you give in to it.

I said to my DH after 6 weeks 'I'm not going to be unhappy about what she won't do, I'm going to enjoy her and what she wants'.

A sling is good advice too.

If you don't have time to go and check out slings, see if there's a sling library in your area who will let you borrow a sling. They can fit you and suggest the best one for your child's size. I think there's a list here www.ukslinglibraries.co.uk/

Other than that, get in the entire back catalogue of Greys Anatomy and a huge bottle of water and relax and watch it all together. Should keep you on the sofa for at least a week. Oh and have some cake too, mums really need cake and biscuits as do health visitors.

Wow thanks all for the very quick responses. Have to say I was in tears earlier thinking I was already ruining my child and ruining everything for everyone else by making her "clingy" Glad there's some consensus, was thinking I might get jip on here as well about ruining my childf.

Although have to say we do actually have a sling - after giving her a wash I had just managed to rethread it, adjust it and get her in when she threw up all over the both of us as well as the sling

I think you have partly answered yourself wrt too many visits etc and not having time to find your feet. This is the issue. Coping with a newborn yaks time and it's a confidence we build slowly. You need to take time to find your own rhythm as a parent and learn to listen to your instinct. It's a big challenge as everyone likes to advise us with a new baby!
I would gently resist this 'she needs to know she can't have attention all the time' idea. Nb are really not programmed like this - quite the opposite! Also being responsive is important for you emotionally to build the bond between your baby and you.
I totally agree with others that a sling is worth a try. Especially now while she doesn't weigh a ton. They really can be a lifesaver once you get the hang of them. You can buy wrap slings on eBay second hand or look at Kali slings on Facebook - £25 in loads of cool colours.

You sound very normal though don't worry. Are you spending time with other mums? You might enjoy a latch in or new baby group locally where all the chat will be about new baby issues
Good luck

i got two because i figured it might spend a bit of time in the wash after sick/poo leakage! they were a good price. :)

ps were you a charter when ttc?

Also....my limpet baby is a robust 3 year old full of life, super independent and outgoing and almost fearless!

Dads can get to like slings too. Dd's sad used to take her out and about in the sling and she would sleep happily for hours and he couldn't get enough of all the cooing in shops he he he - you don't get that so much with a pram!

Dizzy so glad you posted this - our baby is due in 12 weeks and I will be watching this thread. Do update it when you get a chance :) And I've been reading that baby whisperer book - it really seems very sensible, might help you feel like you will at least get a couple of hours a day to chill and get stuff done.

I know, says me, still baby free. I will probably read this back with hollow laughter in a few months... :o

Hold your baby, sod the housework. As time goes by you will be able to leave her to play on the floor for longer periods. My dh says that kind of thing, drives me mad, she's a tiny baby fgs.

You are not making your child clingy! She's 2 weeks old, give yourself a break

Until 14 days ago she was snug in your tummy, being fed and "cuddled" 24 hours a day. Now she's in a harsh, bright, loud world and she wants her mummy!

Around 2, 3, 4 months my friends' babies were happy to be left in their bouncy chairs/on playmats for a few minutes etc. DS would scream if I tried it! He'd also scream if put in the pushchair

I honestly couldn't see how I was ever going to be able to put him down.

Fast forward and he is now 9.5 months. He can now be left for ages to play by himself on the floor (obviously we watch him cos he can move fast!). The other day DH and I just sat and watched him for over an hour! We suddenly realised that he hadn't cried to be picked up for ages and we were not used to it

Totally agree with all the above. DS is 6.5 months now but when he was born he wanted to be held at all times and we ended up sleeping with a three-sided cot pulled up to the side of the bed, just because we were at our wits end and that's what meant we all got the most sleep.

Babies aren't that perceptive, or manipulative or anything. They're just babies, they want security and they want their needs to be met so they have total security from you. When they're this little what they need and what they want are exactly the same thing. When they're two years old - yes, their wants and needs may diverge. But not at two weeks!

We're biologically hardwired to respond to our baby's cries because they need us to respond. They need to know that you are protecting them and caring for them, and you're certainly not spoiling her to hold her at two weeks. Any sleep training like crying it out is not recommended before 6 months because when they're that little they won't "learn" anything - they just know that no one is answering their cries for help, and maybe no one will respond. The paediatrician at the hospital when DS was born said the worrying thing isn't the babies that cry lots, but the ones who never cry - because they've learned that no one will come

Be laid back. If the baby cries when you put her down, pick her up, lie back on your bed/sofa supported by lots of pillows and let her snooze on your chest, preferably skin to skin. We kept the moses basket just as a sort of playpen - a safe place to put DS when showering or answering the door. He never slept in it.

Good luck!! Keep posting here, there's loads of great advice. Are you on a post-natal club thread? Getting out and meeting other mums is great too.

A lovely midwife told my husband he had to make me sandwiches in the morning for my lunch

I have a 12 yr old and 9 yr old, make the most of those first few months, they don't want so much cuddling when they're older