newborn wanting to be held

[DizzyKipper]

Help! I feel very out of my depth at the minute, could do with some advice.
It's day 3 of being completely on my own to look after our 2 week old girl and it's not been going so well. Everytime I've put her in the moses basket so I can try to get on with a bit of housework she's cried within a minute or 2, I think mainly it's because she wants to be held since I feed her, change as necessary and burp before putting her in. DH thinks I need to leave her to settle herself down since she has to learn she can't have attention all the time. I know she has to learn that eventually but is it right when she's only 2 weeks?
Would appreciate hearing about what other mums have done. I think part of the problem is that we've had so many visits and phone calls since she was born I haven't really even had time to think about what seems 'right' or found my feet as a mum and so am today just feeling particularly overwhelmed. The phone has now been unplugged though.

A sling is good, also, when others say 'sleep when the baby sleeps' this is when I did the bare minimum housework I could get away with. Give your DP a list of jobs to do, anyone who visits, let them cuddle the baby and don't feel you need to entertain them, you get on with jobs.

If you can afford a cleaner, get one.

Accept low standards of cleanliness.

Enjoy it, they aren't that gorgeous snuggly stage long.

Oh and enjoy the cuddles. DS will cuddle us but sometimes we'll want a cuddle and he'll struggle away cos he wants to go and play!

And tell your DH that one day yes she will have to learn she can't have your attention all the time but that is not when she's two weeks old!

In fact, I don't know when that age is but once your DD will start to play etc. you'll learn very quickly to do what you need to (like eat, go to the loo, shower etc. I'm not talking about housework!) whenever she's distracted and happily playing

Also as well as a sling I have found a baby bouncy chair fab. Baby can sit in it in bathroom while you shower, sit in it in kitchen while you do stuff.

oh, and buy foods like pitta and hummus and pre cut carrot sticks, at least then when you snap and snack it's on relatively healthy things...

She threw up all over the sling - just typical!

Same thing happened with me and a Baby Bjorn carrier. I wore it in the house as sling just wasn't as comfy for me.

Perfectly laundered and dried. 30 mins later, thinking 'Ooooh, this is actually working' , he vommed all over it and all down my chest and bra. Perhaps I had done it up too tight or had over-burped my poor boy

yep, sling and bouncy chair covers everything, and anyone telling you it'll make them clingy is talking rubbish (as my running off waving good by from half way across the park, in the dark, 18 month old would have told you if he could speak)

oh yes, DS loved his bouncy chair, I showered for the first few months with him in the bouncy chair, the shower door open and singing silly songs at the top of my voice to entertain him...

Enjoy your baby - and enjoy this poem as well!

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She?s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I?ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping?s not done and there?s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there?s a hullabaloo
But I?m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren?t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I?ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I?m rocking my baby and babies don?t keep.

I used to have the last verse of that poem stuck on my wall.

DD is 12 now and wants jack shit to do with me.

Oh Shit Tyel Really? My baby very rarely cried. In fact, when I was weaning her she howled after a mouthful of mashed swede and I phoned NHS direct - to tell them that my baby was crying (I kid you not). - pre MN....

Mind you, thinking about it, she had nothing to cry about as she was with me 24/7 (we co slept )

Pick her up!
Housework can wait.
You are probably still bleeding and if you are BFing, then you need to rest.
This is natures way of getting you to sit still with your child in your arms. This is one of the most wonderful times in your life - enjoy it and stop worrying about it.

I have a 7-week old and 2 slings, are helpful to give me a bit of time but not as helpful as the lovely friend who points out to me when I need reminding that maternity leave is not for doing housework, it's for being a mummy.

Hubby makes me breakfast when he does his in the morning, have a freezer full of meals (lovely friend again!) and hubby deals with food, washing machine and dishwasher when he gets in if I haven't done it. Am trying to look on any housework that I manage to get done as being a bonus and just about managing to sane with that outlook

Maples Good to know! :o

Can i just add while it's great to hold her as much as you can i did with DS and he's now starting to learn to sit alone at 5 months i can get an hour of housework done while he plays on his play mat, If you need 5 mins not having her attached to you it is ok to set her down and let her cry a little don't feel that you must lift her if you want a cuppa/pee/tidy up. A friend of mine ended up heading toward PND because she felt she couldn't put baby down to eat or pee or just chill out.

I used to go visit my mum or gran alot so they could hold DS and i could just sit (and watch)

Really, at this age, just give in! Get your favourite DVDs/films together, make a huge cup of coffee and cuddle up on the couch together. Enjoy . :)

Honestly, to repeat everyone else, this stage really and truly passes in the blink of an eye, enjoy having this quiet time with your brand new baby and DO NOT feel guilty about housework... your DH is quite capable of keeping the absolutely necessaries ticking over and your job is to make your precious new bundle feel safe and secure. I'm sure the studies all show that holding your baby at this stage actually is more likely to result in a more secure child, not less secure / clingy.

I found having a box set of my favourite TV show a brilliant way to while away the hours while glued to couch feeding / holding sleeping babe.

Oh another thing to look into is the theory of the Fourth Trimester, I found that really interesting and helped me feel more confident with the needs of a really new baby.

Lovely advice from the good mums of mumsnet here. I wholeheartedly agree. You cannot 'teach' a baby anything, I'd say you shouldn't try for at least 7 months. Millions of years of evolution have programmed babies to want to be held close to keep them safe and warm and near to their food source. The more you hold them and meet their needs the more they will trust life and become confident and independent children. All that Victorian bollocks about babies having to be independent... Babies are about as dependant as anything can be, they are made that way... Anyway, congratulations and I hope you enjoy the cuddles. I know how hard it is to sit still when there are jobs to do but the cuddly newborn phase doesn't last forever... Enjoy

I say print this thread off and read it when ever you feel your guiltometer creeping up and hopefully your DH will see it too and catch on :)

Ps, I discovered good slings rather late, I wish I'd known from the start that the market leader with initials BB are not well designed for mother or baby. All the baby's weight rests on his pelvic bone and hangs off the wearer's shoulders. Much better to use a wrap or other brand... Sling libraries and sling meets are great for finding the most comfy one for you

Get a good sling or you will get used to doing everything one handed and end up with one bicep like Popeye's

Seriously, can only reiterate what everyone else has said. Hold her when she cries, reassure her when she needs it, talk to her, hug her and enjoy the time of your enforced confinement. Eventually she will realise she is not a part of you anymore, but only in her own sweet time.

I found it very difficult going from working FT to being a full time mum. I thought I should be "doing something". Little did I know I was "doing something". Read 'What Mother's Do' by Naomi Stadlen. . DH's "doing something" was the housework and cooking, mine was mothering.

Two weeks???? You should be holding your baby and spending time just with her. No housework for at least 2- 3 months - sod it. You only have this bonding time once!! Hold a Hoover or your baby?!?!?!