I just read a thread somewhere about mum shouting at ds. It wasn't me but I have been doing that all week. I feel so AWFUL :(

[PolkaDotHeart]

I don't know how I've become so grumpy and tired and irritated by everything. I feel overwhelmed. DH has not been around at all to help. It's no excuse how I've been behaving with ds (5). I have been screaming at him all week to just tidy up, eat, stop running around, to go to bed, to do as he's told. He didn't want to do his homework so I went and threw it in the bin and told him he's a f retard. When he wanted to do it, I said again that he's a twat and he'll be a fucking stupid twat when he's older so no more homework ever. Yipee! (Truth is I've tried very hard in the past, sitting down to read, do homework, make things fun, but am so incredibly tired with his attitude I just didn't want yet another fight and can't stand his sloppy attitude) He then went and got it out of the bin and did it quietly asking me for help. I feel so bad. He said he didn't want dinner one of the days so I told him to fuck off to bed then. He ran upstairs crying. I really feel like I will rip into him. I haven't been like this before, but I am turning into my worst nigtmare parent. Everyday there's been some incident where I have made him cry and I've lost control of myself. It get's worse with each holiday. What do I do.

OP I know you've had loads of good advice on here and I really hope you can take it. I'm an adult survivor of EA and it's not pretty. At 40 i still struggle with depression and eating disorders as a result of what I went through. You've just started this with your son, you know what your issues are, you CAN stop. I think you will.

A friend posted this on facebook today and it made me think of your boy. "A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they?re sorry. Now even though they said ...they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully?s another child, they may say they?re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home. Pass it on or better yet, if you're a parent or a teacher, do it with your child/children"

What you are doing is bullying. Bullying a five year old. You have to stop this now and get to the root of your own unhappiness.

FWIW I'm also a SAHM, it's terribly frustrating at times, I do understand something of what drives your behaviour but please, please do something about it, before it's too late.

Good luck x

OP I have been thinking of you and your beautiful 5 year old all night and wanting things to change for you both in a good way. Hope you are ok and you can get help and turn things around not just for your lovely son but also for you - both you and your son deserve some help so you can be the parent you want to be to him x

Really feel for you. I had some anger management issues BC and thought I had sorted them out until my DD reached the terrible twos. Now DD and DS are 3 and 1 some days are worse than others. Been very stressed re work lately and until now I only shout occasionally but swore at DD today and HATE myself for it. Reading all these posts has made me realise I need to see GP ASAP. My parents/grandparents had anger issues but I can't just blame genes and upbringing I need to take responsibility to stop it getting worse and history repeating itself. Please do seek professional help.

It has already been mentioned but the wonderful Bonnie Harris can help. Www.bonnieharris.com. 'when you kids push your buttons and what you cam do about it'

Ds is four and very high energy and he also is quite 'slow' at school.

It is very very very hard work. And very demoralising.

Reading the book above changed our lives.

Forget the homework. Spend the rest of term reconnecting with your ds. Try to separate issues with your dh from what's going on with ds. He doesn't want to play up, he just want your love. Forget homework. Take him to the park to run off some energy every day. And cuddle him a lot.

Thank you all for your advice. I'm not doing very well. Struggling a lot with everything, despite all this wonderful advice, and have asked dh to take some time off. He's taken some time off today.

Then you are doing very well, polka dot. Let dh take the reins a bit, rest and see, if you're up to it, if you can do fun bits only for a few days-even if it's minutes at a time. If you feel stressed or tense hand back over. Feeling for you. You will get there.

Have you seen the gp?

This thread prompted me to see my own gp for help with some issues. On a waiting list now. Thanks for the kick up the bum op. Hope you and your boy are ok.