Putting a stairgate on a toddler's bedroom door - controversial?

[DitaVonCheese]

Every morning 3 yo DD comes and climbs into bed with us. This is lovely. Unfortunately she does it 30 min before the alarm goes off and is hellbent on waking us up - chatting, jumping up and down, opening the curtains etc. This is infuriating. Nothing seems to get through to her that actually mummy and daddy really really need those 30 minutes of sleep. How in hell's name two nightowls produced a bona fide morning person I do not know.

Anyway, I have just suggested putting a stairgate on her bedroom door until she's let out in the morning. I wasn't actually serious, largely because I don't think it would work, I think she'd just howl, plus I do actually like cuddling her first thing. I'm just a bit taken aback by DH's response - he was absolutely horrified and said it was probably illegal, or ought to be. I thought it was really common - so is he right or do I just hang out with a lot of scary parents?

Is he also against strapping them into carseats and pushchairs then?
Anyway, if he's so against the idea, then perhaps he could be the one to get up with your toddler once she's ready to play in the morning.

Must have missed that one, rubirosa!

We had one. It kept the dogs out.

I don't mean just when I've had enough of him! I mean epic scale tantrums where I'm about to explode so I need him to go somewhere else to calm down instead of poking me and laughing

I don't really see the difference between a stairgate at the top of the stairs and a stairgate at a doorway seeker Even if we put a stairgate on the stairs, the bannisters are far enough apart for a small child to fall through them anyway, so door gate is better.

I also think strapping a small toddler into a buggy all the time instead of giving them a bit of freedom with reins is a bit unfair.

DitaVonCheese - your DH thinks a stairgate on the bedroom door at night is cruel, but a playpen is okay??

I really can't see a lot of difference between the two

A playpen is different. In the day you're presumably around and watching them, you wouldn't go into another room and leave them in the playpen. At night, you're asleep and it's harder for them to get your attention if they can't come right up to you. Which I appreciate is the whole point...

Stair at at the top of the stairs=child can't fall downstairs. Staircase across bedroom door=child can't leave bedroom. Seems a pretty clear distinction to me!

Oh, and if the pushchair remark was in response to my post, I did say "choice between walking nicely, holding a hand OR being strapped into a pushchair"

We didn't have any stairgates, anywhere.

Or reins.

I don't remember it being a problem, but then maybe it's like childbirth and you forget all the bad stuff when they grow?

At 12-16 months my ds wasn't obedient enough to hold hands or walk nicely.

Is it ok for them not to be able to leave their bedroom for safety reasons, like not falling down the stairs, playing with things they shouldn't etc?

I've left DS in his playpen in the living room before while I've been in the kitchen preparing dinner. It stops him trying to get under the sofa and behind the TV and so on while I'm out of the room.

Although to be fair I can hear every noise he makes under those circumstances.

Another vote for your DH here, but then I have an open bed policy too - best bit of the morning is when DS hops in, snuggles up and nods off again.

"At 12-16 months my ds wasn't obedient enough to hold hands or walk nicely.

Is it ok for them not to be able to leave their bedroom for safety reasons, like not falling down the stairs, playing with things they shouldn't etc?"

That's why you have a stair gate at the top of the stairs, isn't it? Isn't that what this thread is all about?

We have a stairgate on DS's bedroom door. Never even occurred to me that it could be controversial, as the night before he was restrained in his cot. We have no more difficulty hearing him than the night before either, but it's worked like a charm for us. He now just plays happily in his room for 30 minutes either side of sleep, then calls us in the morning for porridge! My main issue is that he's an independent little thing and would be more likely to wander into the bathroom to 'play' than come straight to us, so in the unlikely event that we didn't hear him I'd rather know he was safe.

We don't use reins, but that's because he hates them. We tried one of those little rucksacks but he just lies down whenever he feels it pull .
So it isn't out of principle that we let him run free and I spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to keep him alive.

Not at all controversial. I still have one on my boys' door. DS2 is 6, but dyspraxic (has only recently learned to take steps with alternating feet and is still very unsteady) and still wears a babygro sleeping bag. I'd rather he didn't fall down the steep staircase 3' from his bedroom door.

The risk with a locked door is that it might jam in a case of fire so you couldn't get at your dc.

With a gate you can either step over it or haul them over it. I'd say a gate on the bedroom is safer than one on the stairs- less risk of tripping over it in the case of fire.

Basically, you weigh it against the risk of them setting off to explore in the small hours and getting themselves into danger.

Depends on the child. Mine would home straight for my bed, so I didn't see much of a risk there, but some toddlers do go exploring in the small hours and it is hard to have an entire house absolutely toddler proof. Also some parents are heavier sleepers than others: I would wake if a dc got out of bed at the other end of the house, my SIL slept so heavily that her dc were able to cause all sorts of mayhem.

As for the gate on the stairs, you weigh that too against the risk that your individual toddler is likely to fall downstairs. Based on knowledge of toddler, steepness of stairs etc. I had a very unsteady child and very steep stairs just outside the bedroom so that was a no-brainer.

Incidentally, mine never had any problems attracting my attention; often too lazy to get out of bed when they woke- but I heard them all right

I did have a hook on ds' door when he was a baby for use in daytime because dd would take the advantage of any moment when I was on the loo or whatever to try to break his arms- there were a few months when I really couldn't trust her, so a hook seemed a nice, safe compromise.

We also had reins because I worked out that mine would be spending far too much time in the pushchair otherwise.

But that's all it is: balance, compromise, weighing the circumstances against one another.

seeker - I have a gate on ds's door because as well as not wanting him to fall down the stairs, I don't want him to fall through the bannisters, or get into the bathroom, or go into other bedrooms where there might be unsafe things. A gate on his door is a much safer and easier solution all round, even if it does leave him contained. Basically his bedroom is a big cot.

We did it with no 2
No 1 we didn't need to
Needed a way to stop the carnage

I don't think 1/2 hour before alarm goes off is too bad though! Have you got a bunny clock?

We have one on Ds bedroom door, the top of our stairs is such that a stairgate can't be fitted, I would rather have a stairgate and him be safe than risk him falling down the stairs.

Someone up thread mentioned about them not being able to get to you if they need you in the night - like a child in a cot shouting generally works pretty well!

Can't see why it's controversial. We used to have a gate on the landing as it was the easiest place to out it. It meant dd could get into our room but not into other junk filled bedroom, bathroom or fall down the stairs.

Having a stair gate right at the top of the stairs can be dangerous if people lean on it and it comes loose.

Thanks for all the views.

In an ironic twist, while you've all been posting I have stormed upstairs in a strop as DD wouldn't leave DS alone/be quiet long enough for me to feed him to sleep for his nap, so I shut the stairgate at the top of the stairs so she couldn't follow us. As predicted, she stood next to the gate and yowled (can't shut our bedroom door due to the amount of gubbins I have draped over the top of it , pet hate of DH's!).

works for us. dd actually likes it shut. if I leave it open she will ask us to shut the stairgate. plus it prevents her big brother going in her room whilst shes asleep as he knows we can here him open it.

Try one of the day time/night time clocks. My kids have them in Disney princess and Thomas the Tank engine. The faces appear to be asleep when it is not time to wake up and click to awake faces when it it.
It didn't work that well with my kids but some people I know swear by them and they are worth a try.

My DN used to have a stairgate on his door (stairs weren't suitable). He used to open his door, stand at the gate and plantively call 'help, help, help, help'

Cutest boy-who-cried-wolf ever!