Putting a stairgate on a toddler's bedroom door - controversial?

[DitaVonCheese]

Every morning 3 yo DD comes and climbs into bed with us. This is lovely. Unfortunately she does it 30 min before the alarm goes off and is hellbent on waking us up - chatting, jumping up and down, opening the curtains etc. This is infuriating. Nothing seems to get through to her that actually mummy and daddy really really need those 30 minutes of sleep. How in hell's name two nightowls produced a bona fide morning person I do not know.

Anyway, I have just suggested putting a stairgate on her bedroom door until she's let out in the morning. I wasn't actually serious, largely because I don't think it would work, I think she'd just howl, plus I do actually like cuddling her first thing. I'm just a bit taken aback by DH's response - he was absolutely horrified and said it was probably illegal, or ought to be. I thought it was really common - so is he right or do I just hang out with a lot of scary parents?

I have had a stair gate on dd1's bedroom door since she moved into a bed. I did it because she didn't know how to get down the stairs by herself without falling and we can't have one across the top of the stairs because of where they are, it was a case of safety. She's 3 now and can work the stairs fine but she's so used to it that she now shouts at us if we forget to close the gate! Bit awkward since she's been potty trained and we have to get up with her as soon as she wakes up so she can use the loo!

your H sounds a teeny bit sanctimonious

and of course by that comment "for our own comfort" he has signed himself up for every single 5am awakening, live ever

the thing is, if you do introduce the gate early enough, some (note I say some ) toddlers will accept it and play in their room for a little while when they first wake up

one of mine did that, the other didn't

like

If a stairgate is considered cruel then I must be need a visit from SS

We don't have a stairgate on ds's bedroom door because we don't need one... The door handles are at shoulder height so he needs us to let him out.

Until he needs to leave his room for toilet trips then it is staying that way and at that point I'll put a baby gate on my bedroom door

... Yesterday I showed DS (12) again how to strip off his bed, put the sheets through the washer and dryer and then make the bed up again. I could say that I'm teaching him a valuable life lesson in self-sufficiency and housekeeping skills. Or I could tell you the truth which is 'so that I don't have to do it myself'.

Now trying to think of some aspect of parenting that wasn't motivated at least in part about making my life a bit easier. Potty-training?... no. Eating with a spoon?.... no. Bed-time routine?....no. I'll get back to you when I think of one.

@Magneto... you have him in a room with unreachable door handles!!!! OMG... it's the Tower for you for sure.

We had one for a while on the children's bedroom door because it was very difficult to find a suitable gate for the top of the stairs- had to take the door off to fit it though.

But once the eldest was out of nappies we had to take it off for her to get to the toilet, and we now have a monstrosity at the top of the stairs instead which is only closed at night to stop half asleep falling down the stairs. We have an old house with a tiny 1.2m sq landing between the two bedrooms and bathroom off the back bedroom.

It is not a suitable family house at all

i have a stairgate between DD2s cot and the rest of the bedroom. this is for her own safety (from DD1, who loves to get into the cot, together with her quilt, pillow, toys......leaving only DD2s arms head emerging from the top of the pile, cheerfully smiling...)

and yes, so i don't have to get up and yell at them.

and also because they have been known to be seen all noody-noo waving at the neighbours at 6am...

stairgate is best.

When ds1 was little and he moved in to a bed he used to wander round in the middle of the night putting the tv on and going through cupboards

We put one on his door problem solved

He's now 6 and lived to tell the tale

We lived in a flat so how else were we meant to contain him even now he's very good at getting up quietly so we don't relise he's often found on the couch watching tv in the morning without my knowledge so aside from staying up all night what were we meant to do ?

Tbf to DH, I'd much rather he went down the appalled route than immediately started fitting locks to the outside of the door

DD isn't really the knife-drawer-rummaging type, but I suspect DS might be (I think we might be in for a bit of a shock with him).

We do already have a Gro Clock - I LOVE it because, rather than waking up at any time in the night between midnight and 6 am and coming into our room and demanding boob, DD now understands she can't have it until the alarm goes off at 7 am and sleeps through the night. Woo hoo! Since you can have the light coming on at a different time to the alarm going off, we have been (unsucessfully) trialling a complicated system whereby light = come into our room but be quiet and alarm = boob but perhaps we should just have alarm = free to enter and have boob (

PS seeker I'll pass on your support

Mine always did, though you may not get any extra sleep!

Were your children never restrained at all then seeker - no cots/playpens/gates at all in your house?

Saying that, I probably wouldn't bother for a 3 year old as they could figure out the gate anyway, and would still wake at the same time and just yell for you.

22 month old DS has a gate on his bedroom. I hear him wake up in the morning but sometimes he will play for 20-30 minutes before he calls for us. There is a gate on the kitchen door too.

< koff >

I also used playpens and reins

< gets ss on speed-dial >

We lived in a flat with DD1 so we had to for her own safety. When we moved into a house we still did it as I couldn't be sure she wouldn't sleep walk and fall down the stairs. It's only now we have DD2 that the gate is on the stairs instead of DD1's room.

I thought my right to not scrape my son up from the road rather outweighed his wish to bolt freely into it

I don't like it, personally. But then I'm quite happy with an open bed policy and I think it's a bit sad when people aren't - however have had a fairly good sleeper from about 2.5 or so, so maybe I'd be saying something else if I had a 4 year old who wanted to come in at midnight and stay there!

However we do have a gate at the top and bottom of stairs. Top one is utterly pointless as DS has never ever stumbled on it in the middle of the night, and he can now undo it. The bottom one only gets closed if I need some space because he can't open it but it does seem to help him calm down, so maybe not that bad.

Whoops, had to change a nappy and break up a fight, lots of x-posts.

Some valid points, I'll raise them with DH and get back to you. I think this is probably the longest we've ever argued about something we have no intention of doing anyway

Oh, and turns out that DD might not be the knife-drawer-rummaging type but she is the rubbing-Babybel-on-the-windows type - I was actually in the room for that one though, not sure a stairgate would have helped ... (Which reminds me, I'm looking on ebay for a playpen, I don't think DH objects to that )

We have a gate on dd (2.5) door. It is there to stop her falling down the stairs in the night. Her bedroom door is right by the top of the stairs and the way our stairs are at the top means that a standard size gate doesn't fit there. She is good on the stairs in general now and I have stopped using the gate at the bottom of stairs but I'm still worried she might drift out of her room not quite awake and stumble sideways onto the stairs.

It doesn't work in the way you are hoping though - we don't get extra sleep because once she is awake she shouts/cries for someone to get her and we bring her in for a cuddle.

"Were your children never restrained at all then seeker - no cots/playpens/gates at all in your house?"

Stairgate at the top of the stairs at night is a must. Choice between walking nicely, holding a hand or unceremoniously strapped in the pushchair on busy roads.

That's about all, I think.

But mine didn't have cots either

I am slightly laughing at the distinction between gate-on-bedroom-door-at-night = bad, using one to lock your child away from you during the day when you've had enough of them = fine