'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

[Enid]

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

Oh, I passed on golf today, Expat. Am doing a Botox party for my girlfriends instead.

An excellent idea on a day like today, Poppa. I wholeheartedly agree . Botox is my dream! Well, that is after fobbing my children off on a nanny whilst I nip out for my treatment.

give me a break everyone, I only had a baby 3 weeks ago, am I meant to be fit and slim and manicured ALREADY???
and hairdresser booked for tomorrow, hurrah, so highlights will be looking SOOPER by then. feet and hands will have to wait, however....

you may have shamed me into attacking them tonight.

I want a full time PA to do all my admin, make the phone calls and pay the bills on time, and generally be on my beck & call.

and book the 6-monthly Botox shots, of course.

I'll happily do the housework & childcare

ooh me too kite girl

When we lived in S Ken, dim tim upstairs with floppy hair spanish wife was pregnant. He was knocking one £1 million flat into a £750K flat upstairs to get his 2500 sq ft flat. We were drawing up a schedule of condition just incase there was any damage to our 900 sq ft flat down in the basement. He happily informed that his wife was pregnant and that one of the rooms in the flat was for the live in nanny. Happily followed by the statement that both him and his wife were brought up by nannies, so thats what they thought they would do.

Infact, when I became a SAHM with my 3 and 1 year old - I was infact an oddity because I had no childcare. The favourite was to invent a job, so that they had some execuse for their indolence - history of art researcher, sculptor (on further questioning I think she was doing classes at the local further education college).

Oh bless the wives of the investment bankers of South Ken and there sad, vacuous lives.

chortling at trice's post and "cost per shag" calculation for holiday nanny

If she shags a lot she can greatly reduce the CPS - could be a bargain

ok here's a question (to which I don;t know the answer). I have a friend who's a bit like this - not ft childcare but one kid at school, little one in nursery 2-3 days a week, au pair, cleaner, gardener. My friend runs around doing bits of fundraising for the school (a bizarre concept imo - it's a private school); having her hair and nails done, choosing curtains, and doing lunch. Then there's me. dd1 in school, dd2 p-t school, p-t nanny to cover the others bits 4 days a week, during which time I study/work. My net earnings (after childcare) are bugger all, so I contribute nothing to the family unit, in fact I drain it coz of the study costs. Now I think I do something productive that I'm passionate about - but is it really any different? My thing is work related, hers is hair and soft furnishings. Is it not a case of somewhat arbitrary value judgments to see my position differently from hers? At least - thanks to my friend - they have nice curtains and fresh flowers in her house. I have often pondered this one.

hatwoman- yes it's a value judgement!

Thinking about this in relation to men - many men quite happily ignore their children most of the time, going off to work, coming back and watching TV, bouncing the kids up and down and reading them a bedtime story but dumping them on their wives when they get bored of them and the fun bits start to wear off and the work bits start to encroach.

How exactly is that different from SAHMs who have a similar relationship with their kids and the nanny? And yet most people wouldn't get pursed-lipped about men doing this and think there's something lacking in their relationship with their children.

Well, we certainly couldn't afford such an arrangement. Does seem rather lazy to me, and being Scottish myself I would grudge paying someone to do something I was capable of doing myself! Why have kids if you're going to get someone else to run around after them all day? Different if you work full time, I fully understand and support the need for child care in such a situation. But if you're at home yourself? Sure young children can be exhausting, but it's all part of parenting and life's rich tapestry, eh?

ooh the womanwhoetc- you sound like me. I'm doing kind of the same......

Caligula, I'm going to give up posting and just trail round after you, nodding

she does talk a lot of sense doesn't she?

Klaus
You lived in Kenya? South Ken? Is this Kenya? I've always wanted to go! My dad did a stint in Angola, but we didn't get to go. I'd love to visit anywhere in Africa but Kenya would be cool!

Aw, I see! Sorry, don't know London. Don't wanna know it, either .

A photo safari would be much preferable to London, IMO .

Just discovered this discussion and read with fascination. I don't work, and have a nanny for my two boys aged 3 & almost 2. On the days she is here, I cook nutritious meals for the boys, get the tedious Tesco's shop out of the way and other shopping/chores (very rarely fun shopping) done so that on the days without the nanny, I don't have to inflict these boring chores on my kids. Very rarely do I go out for lunch with friends - no one else I know has a nanny! We can barely afford her - she was a luxury, and we lose the nanny next Thursday - the boys are older and it's time for her to go, but am quite scared about coping, because I do enjoy having a break from motherhood, two day's a week.

IVB, I am sure you'll cope; and actually I think it's good for kids to be with you when the chores are done. Harder work for the parent, yes - but it's good that kids see where the food comes from, see you pay with money for the food, or pay the bills, or go to the bank, or whatever. It's all part of them learning about the real world. Otherwise food just appears by magic in the cupboard, and they don't learn the value of money, or see that for the benefits of the nice things in life, we have the boring bits as well.

Also good for your boys to learn to play together while you cook them nutritious meals - again, it's learning by example how to cook and what you have to do to get a healthy meal.

I'm not saying you won't be frazzled (!) just that they are now at an age where it's good for them to be involved in all areas of your life.

Good luck with the change!!!!!

Absolutely agree with you, and is one of the reasons for going it alone! We actually have a wonderful vegetable garden, so the boys have seen veg grow from seed to picking it and help prepare it. They also go on shoots and fishing, so are probably more aware of where food comes from than most. But, here I am, the Nanny has just taken the boys off - it's 9:30 - just washed my hair and can now catch up on correspondence on my computer, put a shopping list together and head out in peace and quiet. Shall enjoy these last days as much as poss, but am looking forward to the flexibility I'll have with two extra days to do stuff with my guys.

IVB,

I am in a similar situation and my nanny left 3 weeks ago. I have 3 year old twin boys and it is challenging not having that time off anymore but I feel quite proud now to be going it alone. I am frazzled at the end of SOME days and the wine bottle definitely gets opened a little earlier than it used to.

The key thing for me has been to see my other mum friends more often, and I have also been scouring the noticeboards for playgroups and activities.

My lovely DH has also been giving me a bit of time off at the weekends to keep me sane!

Good luck, remember you only have a couple of years before they disappear into the education system, enjoy it now!

I am a SAHM and if I had the money I would hire a cleaner but not a nanny - the whole point of me being a SAHM is to spend time enjoying my children and bringing them up. Why would I want someone else to do that?

canadianmum, I think what you have done is really sensible in that you have had help for the first three years, to get you all through the hard slog of the early years, and now your boys are able to take a fuller part in life and really enjoy their activities with you, you'll be there for them full time. I think it's a good way round to do it.