'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

[Enid]

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

I dont get all the other jobs done though bugsy

things I am crap at:

remembering, buying and seding birthday presents
calling friends who I havent called for ages
cleaning out my car
cleaning my windows
entertaining (recently)
exercising

it wouldn't be my cup of tea. I would hate another woman floating around. I'd hate it if she moved my stuff or told the kids off. that's my job. also couldn't just do 'nothing' no matter how much money we had I just wouldn't be very proud of myself and would feel very undefined. I do think its a bit .... lazy (ducks)

The thing is, I expect the majority of women in this situation do not 'just dump them off'. They dip in and out of childcare; they do some other things () without having to schedule haircuts or smear tests around their children; they have a bit of time to themselves. I have no idea whether I would enjoy that sort of life full-time, but frankly I would prefer it to doing full-time full-on childcare 24/7.

You could get a membership of the Sanctuary )if such a thing is possible) and go on the swing over the pool every day and have a facial. Why is this sounding like heaven to me?

No... don't think I would get over it. The whole idea of domestic servants makes me come over all queasy. Horses for courses I suppose

yes i could just see it caligula

nanny and children sitting on floor, you swan in and find the bit they have been looking for (you swiped it in your boden cardi pocket), you hover around and then elegantly crouch down, knees together as you have your 4' heels on and place the piece in the puzzle

taaraa!

mummy wins

Enif, what you want is a PA. I want a PA too.

Enif, what you want is a PA. I want a PA too.

Enif, what you want is a PA. I want a PA too.

I can understand people saying they wouldn't want someone else living in their home or being in their home everyday.

Presumably, if I were wealthy enough to be a SAHM and have full-time in-home childcare, I'd have a much larger house and it might not be such an issue.

I think I'd choose to have a housekeeper because I am a much crappier home-maker than I am a mother. But it would be nice if she/he were flexible enough that I could leave the house for a few hours and leave the children at home with them.

It would be lovely to have more time with dd1 alone and dd2 alone. It would be nice not to have to schedule my dental/doctor/hair appointments around DH's working hours.

god yes

I would love a PA

or maybe 3 pas...

i had to take dds to dr appt to get my coil inserted

luckily there was a lovely medical student there who fetched some toys and entertained dd's on the other side of the curtain

yes the discipline thing would be weird
god i would hate that

Why would you hate someone else disciplinging your children? D'you feel that way about your DH doing it, or your mother, or other friends/ relatives?

I think it's something to do with the privatisation of parenting, where because we're all supposed to do everything ourselves, someone else disciplining your kids in your presence, is now seen (and more often than not, meant) almost as a reproach to you, because you're not doing it yourself and you ought to be.

I am a SAHM with a little bit of childcare. DS2 goes off with a nanny, two mornings per week. It just gives me time to get stuff done (sorting stuff out for building work, volunteer work, etc etc). After easter, he will go to a childcare co-op, two mornings per week. After the summer, he might start going every morning, we'll see.

I can't imagine having a full-time nanny, and one of the conditions of the nanny I have is, she goes away with him. He's happier at groups etc anyway, than at home.

I have had temporary nannies during the day when ill. I don't have family nearby, and what free help I have is erratic.

Oh, and I have a cleaner.

blimey enid, that sort of stuff is the tip of the iceberg.
I'm talking about things like tax returns, degunking the dishwasher, fixing the leaky tap in the bathroom, making cakes for cake sale, replacing the broken blind in the bedroom, fitting a dimmer switch on the landing, taking the bags of old clothes to the charity shop, getting the car booked in for a service, re-negotiating the mortgage.
I pretty much have the every day stuff licked but all these other things have to be done too & they all eat into my time.

no Caligula that's not what I meant at all
I have absolutely no problem with other people disciplining my children
but I have a real problem with paying someone else to do I while I stand by and drink my tea or whatever
I don't mind friends, relatives, people that love my child
but I am very uncomfortable about employing someone else to do it while I am around, presumably with something better to do
there is nothing more important than teaching my child good manners, how to behave, how to control their feelings, how to treat others

hc, you wpuldn't be around, you'd be having a facial, that's the whole point...

Any non-Brisish MN-outsider who came and read this could be excused for thinking that British women have to have smear tests every week!

I agree about the privitisation of parenting btw
I am all for everyone having responsbility for other people's children
but, personally, a culture that sees SAHMs as drudges and nursery care/wrap around care as a better alternative will militate against that.
I suppose it comes down to this:
I think I am the best possible person to look after my children, to choose what they do, who they see, how they spend their day. And if I can do it myself then I am not going to delegate it in a hurry
sorry if that sounds arrogant
though not much

But if you employed someone, they'd follow your values and methods - otherwise you'd sack them.

so why employ them?
if you're there to do it yourself?