'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

[Enid]

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

Haven't read the whole thread, but think it depends on the number of children tbh - I imagine it could be a total nightmare if you have 3 or 4 children, one needing to go to football, one to swimming, baby needs a nap, playschool pickup coincides with school pickup - in which case something like an au pair could be an ideal solution.

I think it's really important to teach your children the importance of "me" time. Wish my mum had had the sense to carve out some time for herself, instead of just making us all feel guilty that she had to work so hard looking after us. And then of course when we all left home she was bored to tears because she had nothing else in her life.

Oh, reading Nailpolish's comment, if my children don't understand mummy having "me" time, then tough! They can bloody well learn.

I am going to leave this thread before I get too worked up.

oh dear according to you lot I am apparently very lazy, should never have had children (let alone 4 of them) and spend all my days playing tennis...

lucky I don't give a rats arse what anyone else thinks, isn't it?!!

so if having a nanny for 3 hours each morning to sit and put your feet up, go shopping, have haircut etc is the height of extravagance, laziness etc what happens when the child is 3 and goes to pre-school/play group? Do we all have to find work for 3 hours or will Nailpolish and others not bother with free nursery places

sorry poppadum but not in my case . if i could afford it i would have a nice big house and just have more babies to look after my self .
do agree why you needed the help though being miles from family abnd not having support from elsewhere

Nope, PPH - I think rather a lot of us are wishing in all honesty and without being snotty, that we were able to talk more knowledgably on the matter!

PPH:

But you know that I want to be yoooooou!

I am now on maternity leave with 2nd baby and my DS (2 yrs) will continue to attend nursery 2 days per week as he did when I worked part time (even though I am not going back to work)...he loves nursery, gets so much out of it and I will reassess if and when I think necessary.
I would love a cleaner and someone to do ironing...whatever floats your boat, I say!

I used to work for a woman in Athens with 2 kids aged 3 and 18 months, i was their full time nanny. They had a Cook a cleaner and me and the Mother did sweet FA. She was a lazy cow.
Haven't read thread btw and wouldn't tar everyone with the same brush but on her alone she was a lazy drama Queen

PPH - keep reading the thread, and you will see supportive posts for the choices you've made - not that you need it/care!

I also must say that I admire the fact that you feel no need to justify your choices. Bravo!

Hi prufrock - long time no see on here!
I am so in touch with my inner lazy rich person, I would LOVE to have full time childcare & not to work. How fantastic! I think looking after small children is damned hard work, which wasn't designed to be done by one person on their own all the time (i.e. me!!).
I'd have the lot, every darn bit of help I could get & I wouldn't give a jot what anyone thought of me, because I would be happy and I'd know that my children were entertained & stimulated and having fun, rather than putting up with harrassed old me, who hasn't enough time for anyone!!!

I don't live anywhere near my family. My mum helps out my sister an awful lot - takes the kids to nursery, looks after them while she goes to the doctor's etc etc because she lives nearby. If I could afford it I wouldn't hesitate in buying this sort of help, after all loads of people have help in the form of relations don't they?

hmm well maybe pph gets let off the hook

as she has given lots of good advice to me

but the rest of you are lazy cows

I'm late to this what with to and froing to the hospital but, if you didn't guess my opinion already - downright, bloody lazy!

exactly what I was thinking pollyanna.

I had 6 months of this type of life style (altho only 1 nanny for 2 children!) after my second child was born - the choice was that either we let our existing nanny go during my maternity leave and then looked for another one at the end of it or we stuck with the one we had and had a full time nanny for the 6 months I was off. Not a very difficult decision, if you factor in the agency fees that you pay for a new one would swallow up a chunk of any cost saving anyway (before looking at the effect of depriving Ds of the continuity of the nanny) So 6 months off, full time nanny (plus a separate cleaner/ironer). Actually - it was great. I do not have available help as a spare pair of hands (parents live an hours' drive away, friends mostly work full time) and if I have to pay for it, so be it. I think in the UK we are quite bad at paying money for intangibles - things that we can't actually see. But I don't have a problem with "buying" things - like childcare or cleaning - that make my life immeasurably better than a pair of shoes or a handbag or an expensive holiday would.

The attitude is a different thing. Actually, I didn't dip out of the "drudgey" things at all - did my fair share of cooking, cleaning bottoms and bath time (my personal low point!). So it wasn't a question of "dumping" the children on a nanny, so much as being very lucky to have a hand with a small baby and a toddler.

Also agree with an earlier point that most nannies would find this hard to stomach for anything longer than a short/finite period of time.

The view of a full time SAHM mother with 1 or 2 nannies is probably quite an unusual one. But having to buy in the help that other people get for free from parents or relatives - absolutely, if its all that stands between me and sanity.

Someone said earlier that we'd all have help if we could afford it. Well I wouldn't have childcare help - I do have a gardener and I'd like to get a cleaner but only to do the big jobs like wood floor cleaning, bathroom and deep clean of kitchen. Oh, I'd have my ironing done as well - dh keeps suggesting this but it builds up so quickly I'd need it doing 4 times a week!

I don't want anyone to do anything involving the children or tidying up and having access to all my drawers and cupboards. It's hard work but it's a lifestyle I took on knowing all of that - surely nobody expects it to be easy.

Message withdrawn

i think retaining your existing childcare during maternity leave is a no-brainer if you plan to go back to work.

YOu talkin to me ya cheeky monkey?!

GDG, i'm like that, dp would get a cleaner when i moan but i'm too precious about my privacy (and he wishes i'd let him get a gardener but they'd be looking in all day like the window cleaners we have lots of windows!

it is a brainer if you can't afford it though bk

Angeliz - get yourself a nice young fit gardener then you won't mind!

Ours comes once a month in winter and twice a month in spring and summer - it's really not that bad! SOoooo worth it as the garden would be a mess if left to us - not that expensive either.

Privacy v. indolence? Believe me, it's an easy trade. I'm only too happy to let somebody have access to my knicker drawer if that somebody is re-stocking said drawer with now clean and neatly folded knickers.