Do I need some kind of parenting book I wonder?

[Ozziegirly]

So, DS is 20 months and I've not really used a parenting book before, apart from "What to Expect" for the more factual stuff.

But now he's approaching (and having) occasional pre-tantrums and saying no to things and the like, I wonder if I should have a bit of "back up" from a parenting book, instead of just winging it all.

Can anyone recommend a nice, normal book that basically tells you how to bring up nice, well mannered, non violent, pleasant boys, but not being too "extreme" - I'm not really an "attachment" type parent as he sleeps in his own cot, was weaned ages ago and I'm not overly lentilly, but equally I'm quite easy going and don't expect him to exhibit perfect manners or never answer back or anything - albeit I come down like a ton of bricks on any hitting, biting etc (thankfully not had to deal with this much yet).

Any suggestions for such a book?

I've got the 'no cry discipline solution' by Elizabeth Pantley. it's quite nice and full of wee suggestions for different situations. it also talks about how what you do will help your kids as they get older.

not sure I've described it that well but i quite liked it!

I've got the 'no cry discipline solution' by Elizabeth Pantley. it's quite nice and full of wee suggestions for different situations. it also talks about how what you do will help your kids as they get older.

not sure I've described it that well but i quite liked it!

Oh yes I like the sound of suggestions rather than diktats!

I'll have a look at that one.

There is also the famous How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk

Very good for toddlers all the way up to teens

Have you used that one? It isn't too earnest?

Yes, I've used it - not too earnest at all! Have a look on Amazon, it has. Dry good reviews

It has very good reviews (stupid iPhone...)

Try toddler taming by Christopher Green. I'm in the process of reading it in relation to my 15mo who has become a stroppy madam. It's very reassuring and helps you differentiate between behaviour which requires discipline, and that which is normal for a toddler and is part of their getting to grips with the world and learning. I really would recommend it

As a nanny the book I have found the most useful over the last seven or eight years is "raising happy children" by jan Parker and jan stimpson.

I've also been reading "123 magic" by Thomas phelan this week and have found it a very interesting and informative book. I've been putting it into practice with my 7,5 and 2 year old charges over the last few days and already I can see a big improvement in their behaviour.

Thanks so much for the recommendations, think a Book Depository order is due.....

The mighty toddler by Robyn barker is great ( and Australian). She goes through all the toddler behaviors and gives suggestions for dealing with them ( which is often just to wait). The sleep section is very balanced. She says you can you can just put up with difficult sleepers if that is what works for you but if you want to make changes here are some suggestions... Her attitude is very much you know your toddler best, you know how you want to parent, but here is some information and suggestions.

'toddler taming' is good but recommends using time out. For our ds this made every situation worse. It was much better reading 'how to talk' and using that guideline. Another great author is Bonnie harris, but you might not need her yet.

To be honest most boys hit and bite. You are better off looking for the underlying reason for the behaviour than coming 'down like a ton of bricks' on the bits you don't like.

And take him to the park every day that you can. regardless of the weather.

good luck!

The underlying reason is frustration and an inability to express himself verbally - but I personally think that teaching him that this behaviour is always a complete and total no-no is important, whatever his reasons are for doing it.

I agree with no time out, I can't really see myself using that to be honest as I don't see how it can be replicated out and about for example, same for the naughty step - nothing wrong if they work for people but they aren't really my parenting style.

I recommend 'His Dark Materials' by Philip Pullman. It's a riveting read, nice and lengthy, very relaxing and, if you plunge yourself into it when a tantrum starts you can ignore the histrionics beautifully.... which is mostly what parenting books will tell you. When the hissy-fit stops, snap shut your book, and give your toddler fullsome praise and lavish attention for being such a marvellously well-behaved child. :)

Trust your judgement.

the hand in hand parenting website has some great articles about what to do when a kid tantrums, (ie the very worst thing you can do is ignore them LOL) it's not that kind of old school style, and maybe slightly lentil weavery, but the advice is good and there's a whole list of free articles to read on all different subjects.

www.handinhandparenting.org/articles

"The Idle Parent" by Tom Hodgkinson.

Toddler Taming again ... handy chapters so you only need read the relevant ones!!

lucinda, that link is brilliant, thank you. Just been browsing and have found some great articles to help with my DD (have a thread in Behaviour and Development). Feeling better already.

The How To Expect Toddler Years Book is fab too actually.I found Miss Poppy's Guide to Raising Perfectly Happy Children helpful ditto Raising Boys,Toxic Childhood and The How to Talk book.

Toddler Taming is must have,I checked that out of the library so often when my 3 were all toddlers the librarian offered to buy me my own copy.

Sear's 'The Good Behavior Book' is excellent. Not prescriptive, not lentil weavery, despite preconceptions. Just very reassuring that you and your kid are normal.

I found Steve Biddulph books good The secret to happy children and raising boys.

Beyond Toddlerdom

Belinda, so glad the link helped! They have some amazing audio talks, but for those you have to pay, but they do a talk every month and that's free for a few days when they first release it. If you're on facebook you can follow them, I love their advice, it is really different, refreshing, and really works IMHO!

I'd recommend 'Brain Rules for Babies' by John Medina.

It does start from pregnancy but the main focus of the book is relevant to all age groups.

Great, easy to understand sections on how to support empathy development and emotional literacy.