is 33 too late for a second baby?

[taylorsweet]

Hi, I have a seven years old DD from my first marriage. i am now happily married second time and my husband loves my little girl. we are thinking of trying for a baby next year sometime but i also want to study for a second degree and i will be 29 this year!
I don't know which one to do first? And my DD keeps asking when she will have a sister or brother? Another degree will be 3 years more so will i be too old at the age of 33?

Mmm... Each to their own. Personally I would rather be changing nappies at 42 than 22. I wouldn't have changed that young carefree time of uni, travelling, partying without worrying about babysitters and such. Much happier doing all that now - small children & toddlers. I guess we all need to do what suits us best.

Totally agree. OP, a close friend of mine has just had her second baby at the grand old age of 45. 33 is a mere spring chicken.

No, i had my first baby at 33. I think the age gap between the kids is the question 10 yrs is a lot bigger than seven years and you probably will feel like you have two only children as each of their needs will be so different.

Blimey I wasn't even thinking of kids at 33, more going out to the pub and shopping!

37 for my DD and no probs.

I gave birth to a gorgeous little girl four weeks ago, aged 33. All limbs and organs in tact and very much alive.

worthit - what a ridiculous and frankly outrageous comment to make. A teenager or woman in her 20s could have a still born just as easily as someone in their 30s.

I think what you are asking is more 'is 33 too late for you to have a second baby in your circumstances' which is a different question to the general one you asked.

I had my children at 21 and 25 which was exactly the right time for me but would have been the wrong time for someone else, we all have our own lives, attitudes and priorities.

That is exactly right oddboots great response

What an odd question! 33 is young,imo! I got married at 26,had my 1st at 28/29 (they were 5 in my NCT group and I was the youngest) and I am now 34 and expecting my 4th.
I have never ever heard anyone say they thought 33 was old to have a baby!
My NCT friend said she only felt ready to have her first at 38,when she had done all her partying etc..
You do know this is not the 30's and life expectancy is much longer now?

Oh and I had my first at 34 and I heard on the radio once that a study had found out that that was the optimum/ best age to have your first in terms of mothers reporting being happiest with their life choices. So, that was pleasing to hear, and I concur that it worked well for me - especially giving me some time to travel a bit in my twenties and early thirties.

In my twenties I went on several trips and holidays around different European countries. I finally ventured out of Europe when I was 30 - spending my 30th birthday on a great trip to Thailand. And when I was 31 I spent a year living in Japan with my partner. Also fitted in exciting trips to America (for friends wedding), Costa Rica, and South Korea (from Japan) So pleased I had the opportunity to do all that and see so many interesting things, meet some great people, explore a bit and develop some independence. I've been very lucky.
Then I got to settle down and have my two great DCs !

I've appreciated the opportunity to work with children and families too in my working life although I feel the world of work can be quite stressful these days.

Anyway, I'd say 33 would be a great age to think of having DC2 given all you've said taylor I'm sorry you seem to have got a bit of a hard time here from reading some recent posts OP - I think it must just be that you asked it as a general question rather than keeping it more to your personal circumstances (which I suppose might have gone down better with some over-sensitive folks )

Had mine at 33 and 36 But TBH, I wish I had been younger. I think of younger mothers who will have more time with their children and hopefully grandchildren and still be young enough to enjoy them. 33 is definitely not too old obviously but don't you want your children to be as close in age as possible, also fertility starts to drop off and what if you don't fall pregnant as easily as you would like, it could take a few years.

I'm surprised Hownoo that having had yours at what I would think is a really good age to have DCs - at 33 and 36 - that you would have any feeling that younger might have been better.

I just think there is so much to gain by having them post 30 in the way of real freedom in your twenties - and usually little to lose. Though after 35ish it can become gradually harder to conceive and risk of miscarriage may rise for some women. Both these difficulties increase again as head towards and beyond 40.

But in terms of having time with your children and even your grandchildren I can't see there's really such a difference between 25 and 35. Most people live beyond 70. For most of us there can be many healthy, active years, especially to see our children grow up and settled - or off on their own adventures.

As for enjoying grandchildren I guess I feel you have to see what blessings life brings. If they do arrive on the scene and you're around to help and enjoy them then that's a bonus for everyone. But I'm not sure you can really plan that far ahead in your twenties. Better to enjoy your own youth and see what life brings !

Of course you are not too old if you want another baby, BUT - I am 35 and wont be having any more. I do feel far too old. I had my last at 31, and for me, that was old enough.I dont want to be in my 40s with very young children.

But you must do what is right for you.

Why not be in your forties with young children ? - I think they keep you feeling young. And you have the huge bonus of having been able to live an interesting life before they arrived on the scene to skupper things

It's just silly to think women are old at 40. No-one thinks men are !
Children are quite happy with a mature, secure base in their parents.
They can always play with their siblings and other children.
Or their parents who at 40 may not be completely clapped out

i hope not too as i'm about to pop with DD2 at 36 x

Juggling, I am not saying you are wrong, but I disagree, personally - looking at my own life, nobody else's. I did have a very interesting life before having my kids in late 20s and up to 31, and my life isn't dull now . I guess I just want to have some 'young' life left without having the huge responsibility of still-young children.

It isnt really a male/female thing in my opinion, either, so I don't think I'm being 'silly'. I think it is quite self indulgent to think of 40 as 'young', to be honest.

I appreciate not everyone feels that way, but just adding another perspective.

I did mean to say - particularly to HooNoo but also to you PJ - that it is obviously a personal life decision. It's great if people are reasonably happy with their own choices and how life has panned out for them.

I just know I'm so glad I had a chance to explore, study, and travel in my twenties, and would suggest doing something similar to my DD and DN's.

If you feel young(ish) at 40 then I'd say that's great (and not really self-indulgent). I'm 47 now and can safely say I won't be having any more. DS is 10 and DD is 13.

Well, you say what is the difference between 35 and 25? I'd say that's 10 years more to spend with your children and grandchildren and hopefully be young enough to help and enjoy them. You get to see them grow up to 15 rather than 5. If I had my kids mid thirties and I have boys who might easily do the same or even later then I won't see any grandchildren probably till mid 70's or even 80's. Also the women in my family don't usually last by their mid 60's (a bit morbid I know but there you go). And by this when my mum died my kids were very young and really they don't remember her. She got to see the other older grandchildren from my siblings who had their kids in their 20's grow up, do well etc... And ... Breath!

I had the chance to explore, study, travel and start building a career by the age of 27, when I had my first child, and I havent really stopped! Seriously. I was well ready. I wish I had had them a couple of years earlier, to be honest.

It's also a bit silly to see 40 as old.

All this talk of "I will see my grandchildren" etc is a bit , quite presumptious.
It either means we should all have our kids at 15 so that we can have even larger family circles at 60 or that we presume nothing bad happens to young grandmothers. no MS, no alzheimers, no blindness, no deafness, no death etc

Whether or not to have children is a question of age only in guessing when you go into menopause. you can only control to a certain extent what state your body will be like at any time. Most of us are lucky that our desires and physical abilities match when we need them to but we should not forget this is luck and not some pre-calculation. All that statistical quoting is only good for the day it is printed and the margins are ridiculously small.

You can decide to have kids now and your body is just going to say plain no. and no amount of fertility treatment will help. or this can happen later.

If you are ready to have a child now then do it now, if it suits you to have one after your degree, do it then but thinking along the lines of "I will travel and enjoy life when they grow up and leave the house" is as much relying on lady luck the same way you accuse us "oldies" of relying on lady luck in order to conceive!!! Nothing guarantees they will be independent when you think they should be!

I think 40 is quite old to have children, medical opinion probably agrees. I'm not saying don't have children or that I wouldn't have done it but you are an older mother. I wanted my children before I hit 40. Saying that, if it were that or no child then I might be tempted.

If you are talking to me you actually had your DCs at virtually the same age as I did HooNoo - just had your DC1 a year earlier than I did. I'm probably just a bit further along the road than you are, with DCs approaching their teens now.

I agree with geekette that you can't predict what cards lady luck will deal you in life, especially regarding your health and that of those around you. That sounds like the wise voice of maturity. All the more reason to make the most of your twenties when you can often take these things for granted if you're lucky.

Also I'd say having your DCs in your thirties you should have a good chance of seeing your grandchildren grow up (say to 18) eg 30+30+18 = 78 ( roughly the life expectancy for women - possibly it's into the eighties these days, certainly for many ?)

I had my first at 30 and my second at 33. Definitely didn't feel too old, if anything too young!!

Had my 1st at 34 and started a degree when I was 39.

Juggling - that's optimistic. You say 30's - so going by the posts here that's more likely to be about at least 35 + 35 + 18 = 88.

I had DS 2 days after my 33rd birthday and DD a week after my 35th

I was dd1 and my mum had her dd3 7 years after me when she was 32.