I am upset i didnt love dd straight away

[NameChangedJustInCase]

Have name changed incase this comes across really bad! I've just been watching obem and the old saying came up about how you get that instant rush of love, how you'll never feel anything like it when they first put you lo in your arms. I hate that i never got that feeling. I hated the entire process! I wanted to get pregnant after a few mc yet complained all throughout pregnancy (found it unbelievably difficult) i hated the labour and birth (not at all what we had wanted, ended up flat on back, strapped to monitor, canula ect) and after a very long labour, i barely even looked at my dd, i was just so relieved the whole horrible experience was over i went straight to sleep, i don't even know if she fed first or if they took her away! All i know is i woke up 4 hours later with a baby next to me. The love did eventually come after maybe a week or so but i really hate that i didn't get that rush of love feeling your supposed to get AIBU to be so bothered by this even though there is nothing i can do about it now and it happend months ago! still irritates me hearing people saying it!

One midwife I know told me that very often the mums don't want to hold the baby. They are just too knackered and out of it and literally in trauma, even if everything went well. Whereas the dads are in a good place to hold baby and get that rush of love. She said she's seen more men in tears of love than women - the women are usually just glad to be alive!

I had a very lovely EC and didn't have a rush of love. But I knew i wouldn't because my mum told me she didn't. I fell in love with my DD at 4 mo.

Too much romanticising over childbirth is no good for anyone.

my first thought that i had when i first saw dd was 'what the fuck have i done!!!'

it took about 7 months before i even began to like her

Bless your Dad, Valium! How lovely he is :).

Oh valiumredhead that is fantastic advice. What a lovely dad you must have

I'm not prone to 'rushes of love', crying, or other effusive stuff as a rule so it was no surprise when they handed me DS, I checked out his face, saw something I recognised and said 'oh, it's you!'. Felt like meeting an old friend. (My birthing partner friend was the one in tears :) Soft old bat)

haha Cogito, that reminds me of the first time I saw my DS, I turned to my DH and asked "where are his eyebrows? Why does he have no eyebrows?"

We also had the discussion beforehand as to whether we'd send a picture of the baby and agreed that if he came out looking like a bald monkey we'd just send a text, and if he came out looking ok/cute we'd send a picture. We were very realistic!

When dd was born I didnt want to hold her, especially after announcing she looked like a fat wet slug.I reckon it took almost a year to say yes I love her.It takes time to get to know someone new. I dont feel like Ive had a bad experience or missed out on anything. Dd is five now and I couldnt love anyone more.

I didn't get that rush of love either. I was so tired and overwhelmed by it all, including labour. But love grows a little bit more every day and i still believe that's the case now. I really do fall a little more in love with DS every single day as we both make new discoveries together. I remember quite clearly one day, maybe two months or so after my DS was born, i just looked at him and thought: "Yes. This is it. I would die for you in a heartbeat.I have never felt anything remotely close to this before."

DS is 16 mo.

I honestly can't remember. Mine was another difficult birth and I just remember being relieved that it was over and we were both alive. I know there was a close bond there from the beginning, but I can literally feel my love for DS growing every day and it's for this reason that I worry about the dynamics of a new baby in the house - how can I love her as much as I now love DS??

Didn't get the rush of love with Ds1, was pretty horrified by it all, think it was about 6 months before i felt it. Ds2 felt it straight away. i worry that Ds1 know's somehow (also had pnd) and worry that now I'm enjoying having Ds2 as a baby Ds1 is missing out again! complicated emotions parenting brings about!