Do you 'have' to play with your kids to be a good parent?

[1950sHousewife]

I'm going to come out and say it - I loathe playing with my kids.
Can I be a good parent but never have to play with them again?

I love spending time with them - reading, going to the park, cycling, skating, skiing, cooking, gardening etc. For example - yesterday we had a fantastic day going to a maple syrup farm and having a lovely walk through the woods there.

But sitting down and playing with toy cars, or building lego or pretending to have a tea party makes the minute hand of the clock go backwards. Honestly, I feel like crying with boredom. Surely that's what I had 2 kids for, so they'd play with each other so I don't have to?

But is that attitude selfish and am I going to be missing out?

Yes, ZZZen - examples would be taking charge of the play and directing it rather than following the child's lead, also not ever "letting" them win because that would be "false" - these would be examples of the worst ways to play with your child

Not to devalue what the OP already does in spending time with her dc, but not playing means that you never connect with kids in their own language, only in the language of adults effectively. It is no accident that play therapists exist for emotionally traumatised kids. Talking things through like adults would do just doesn't cut it for kids. If you ignore the obvious natural first choice communication channel of your children then obviously communication won't be as good, and this is particularly important when your children are under stress.

BTW playing certainly doesn't have to be "with toys"...physical "horseplay", role play, puppet play are all great ways to interact with your child.

I remember going round to someone's house with DD1and instead of getting a cup of tea and a nice bit of cake, was compelled to get on hands and knees and pretend to be a horse while mum enthusiastically dressed up as a red Indian native American.

DD1 kept looking at me in astonishment in a , 'what are you doing?' have you gone mad? Kind of way.

thanks

Much prefer 'doing things' like swimming, playground, walking etc to playing.

Dd is nearly 3 now and playdates (I hate that term) are coming into their own. She loves playing imaginary games with friends (as I did at that age) so that's great for both of us.

Have to say though that growing up I had a grandfather who we saw at least once a week and he played with my sister and I constantly- board games, imaginary games, outdoor games, helping us make things etc.

Spending time with him is one of my strongest and fondest childhood memories. Obv it was easier for him to make time to play as he was retired, grandmother did all housework and it wasn't everyday but I will always be very grateful that he gave so much of his time and energy to us.

I try and do a bit of everything and they can play on their own or sometimes they want me to help make a fire engine out of playdoh and I fail miserably and I play hide and seek and stuff if they want. It goes like this 'where is beautiful DS's?'

'we're over here mummy!' never takes too much of my time up

But then I have a lot of it? X

Icecreamcastles what a lovely story about your grandfather!
Beautiful who pmsl @ hide and seek!

Nah, don't agree. I think play is really important, and my dc's wee faces light up when I play with them. I think you are all deluding yourselves and you know it.

I'm not some perfect parent btw and I don't spend hours hovering over my dc. They can entertain themselves very well generally. I just think it's really important to set aside a little time to play with your dc every day.

I kind of think that every parent (and every other carer too) has their own ways of interacting with kids, and each child has different needs. So if the kids are OK, then that's OK.

My mum did things with us like baking, took us out to the park (and pushed us on the swings etc. when we were little, but didn't go hanging upside down or anything herself!), read us loooads of stories, encouraged us to paint and do junk modelling, and had some really good conversations with us. My dad was more into playing games and physical mucking about, and he and I would make up stories to play through with my toys. It was OK for each of them to be different! And even if you're bringing up children on your own, that doesn't mean you can magically become a different person and be absolutely everything to your kids. You're still a real person with likes and dislikes. It's easy to fall into thinking that a parent-child relationship must follow a particular pattern, and of course that's true to some extent - there needs to be care, attention, love, support, encouragement and all that good stuff. But if you are supportive of your children, interact with them plenty, and they are happy and healthy and learning new things, then I think the nitty-gritty of whether you prefer baking together or building Lego towers is not really a big deal.