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Original poster

should i send my DD to playgroup? - advice please

62 replies

olek · 01/02/2006 12:21

Hi, i would really appreciate advice from mumsnetters. here is the story. I have a delightfull DD who is 2 and 1 month and a easygoing DS who is 3 weeks. I could send my dd to a playgroup round the corner for 3 hrs x 5 days a week.

In big dilema, as absolutely exhausted so could do with time to sleep in morning/catch up on housework. But i love having my DD around. She is a litle demanding mentally as toddlers are, but is such an adorable little girl and i love her company.

No point being a matyr as i ams sure my DH and DD want a relaxed mum. But dont want a short day with dd, as once she gets home she probably need a nap, and she would have had her stimulation away from me, so i get her at the tired end etc. (and she is so young)

I know the tiredness passes, but it might be a good ideato just spend time with DS a bit, at the moment he is very sidelined! and maybe have a tidy house too.

sorry its so long...in such a state (what will school decisions be like!!)

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LIZS · 01/02/2006 12:23

Could you do less than 5 days to begin with ? dd started to do one morning at that age then increased to 2/3 after a few weeks.

katzg · 01/02/2006 12:25

after my DD2 was born my dd1 went to nursery for 2 half days, which seemed just the right amount.

MadameButterfly · 01/02/2006 12:29

Hi there.

It might do you both goood if you did let her go. She might surprise you and settle in really well.

Until September 2004 I had my DD at home. We had activities on most days, but I had to stay with her. It was nice when she went to playgroup as it meant I had time to myself and could get on with jobs without her under my feet or needing entertained all the while.

She also made a lot of friends there. She made 1 reaaly good friend and we see her most weeks even though they are now at different nurseries.

I hope this helps you.

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Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 12:49

i could send her to a playgroup that will allow me to send only 2 days a week but
a)it means getting there by car and i hate short car journeys esp with 2 kids
b)she used to go to childminder (before my maternity leave) 3 days a week and i thought that it more unsettling as she never knew when she woke up what she is doing.

it does give me some personal time (yay!) as baby sleeps in the morning, but i also haver lots of family around who can help (not as much obviosely)

Keep thinking why am i so upset, we are not signing her away to boarding school, she will be back at 12.15! its just i dont want her to sleep when she gets home, and then have such a short afternoon with her. But on the other hand, if she is with me all day, it would be worse if i end up resenting having no space.

OP posts:

harpsichordcarrier · 01/02/2006 12:51

personally I think five days is a lot
I would go for two mornings and leave it at that.

juliab · 01/02/2006 13:05

Hi Olek. When do you need to make a decision by? Could you delay it a few weeks/months? Might it be better for your dd to get used to the big change of having a little brother before things change again and she goes to playgroup? Also, if you can wait a bit, she might be old enough (or nearly old enough) to make it through the afternoon without a nap - which would obviously make you feel better.

Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 13:47

have to make the decision by sun. i have been humming hawing too long

OP posts:

Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 13:51

though i will only be sending her after half term - i think its the 21st of feb. she has calmed down about her new brother, was overly excited at the begining.

OP posts:

stripey · 01/02/2006 14:22

Playgroup is great for most 2 year olds.

Ds1 was very sociable and loved it wanted to go on the weekends.

Ds2 is now at playgroup, he started going 2 days then 3 and now 4 (he is 3y 5m). He doesn't like it as much as his brother did as he is not an overly sociable child and likes to stay home playing with his toys. He does enjoy it while he is there but often says he doesn't want to go. He has made friends though so it is good for both him and me.

I don't know why a Playgroup for 2 year olds would insist on 5 days though as it is a lot at that age. Would they consider less days?

Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 14:50

only the one that is a bit further. i could send her, and then see if she prefers staying at home then withdraw her?

when we were out yesterday she said to me 'no esty', by which she means her childminder ,and she hasn't been for 2 months!

I was worried she didnt like going, but they assured me she was very happy, and i trust them, (they are good friends) and she was always happy when i picked her up . i think she just preferred being with me!

OP posts:

Filyjonk · 01/02/2006 15:16

Don't worry about your ds being sidelined. Not an issue at 3 weeks! Stick him in a sling, carry him round with you and dd-that (and milk) are all he'll want.

Re housework: My solution to this problem (I have a slightly smaller age gap) was to use the money saved on playgroup to get a cleaner.

You clearly like being with your dd. If she's happy, and you're happy, don't worry any more, keep her with you.

pooka · 01/02/2006 15:34

I think 5 half-days a week may be too much at the moment. Dd is 2.5 and goes for 2 2.5 hour sessions a week and started when ds was 18 weeks. She loves it, I get a bit more time to concentrate on Tom.

Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 15:42

the only worry in doing two days a week is that when i was working, she went 3 days a week to the childminder (i think at the end she was a bit bored as all the other children were mainly only a year old). and one day to my mum, and one day m-i-l.

every morning she would first ask to go to one of our parents, then ask for the other, and then i would tell her, no you are going to 'esty'. so i felt it was more unsettling.

if she would go 2 days (they want them in a row), and then not for 5, she might think she is not going any more?

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oliveoil · 01/02/2006 15:47

Dd1 started playgroup when she was nearly 3, did 4 afternooons initially, now does 5 mornings.

I cannot tell you how much she has come on. She is far more confident, and less clingy (was a bit of a softie tbh).

She is older than your dd though so I agree with others, maybe try a couple of mornings first. They really thrive, plus you get a bit of peace.

JustBonnie · 01/02/2006 15:50

I sent my dd to playgroup when she was about the same age as yours and she really didn't take to it. I took her out and have just started sending her again (she's 2yr 8mths) and she loves it now. She does only go to two afternoon sessions a week though. At 2 they are still really just babies and 5 mornings a week is a lot. I'd start her with just 2. My dd is fine going just 2 and doesn't find it confusing. I just tell her the night before what we are doing the next day and she's ok with that.

good luck

beasmum · 01/02/2006 16:07

Olek, I would worry about a childcare provider that stipulated five mornings for ALL children. What about the individual needs of each child? How sympathetic will they be to the individuality and uniqueness of each child I wonder, if this is their starting point! And it IS alot for a two year old.

My son started pre-school at three, first one and now two mornings. He's quite able (and I think most two year olds would be) to accept the routine of going twice a week and being home the other days.

I think a healthy sounding idea would be two or three mornings or pms so that you get some time to yourself and to new babe, and she also gets some time at home as well. I was just posting yesterday about amount of time pre-schoolers are out of home, because it seems to me these are the only years of real freedom we ger, before school then work kicks in - I'd say enjoy it but get that time to yourself as well!

And I really would question the five mornings a week 'rule'!

Mercy · 01/02/2006 16:08

Our local playgroups won't take children until they are 2½ minimum which I think is a more appropriate age tbh.

If anyone it would ne dd who may feel sidelined if she went to playgroup so soon after the birth of her baby brother; my dd was 2.10 when ds was born and had already been at playgroup for a month, and she did feel rather 'pushed' out.

Could you hang on for another couple of months or just try her for 2 sessions?

Mercy · 01/02/2006 16:12

Beasmum, dd's playgroup tried that 5 sessions or nothing one on me - it was purely for financial reasons to be fair,it is a charitable organisation but even so! We felt 5 sessions was too much and we couldn't afford £25 each week.

LIZS · 01/02/2006 16:46

olek , I think 2 consecutive days would be fine tbh. dd knew she was going back even thoguh it might be a whole week between sessions, same with ds who went to a structured creche/playgroup one morning a week. Don't be pressured into doing 5 mornings at this age, aside from how it might affect your dd and your time together it will be an unnecessary cost.

Auntymandy · 01/02/2006 17:20

my 3 year old goes 3 mornings.
He start going 2 mornings to start with.

Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 18:17

thanks everyone for helping me.

they do 5 mornings only. It is a small playgroup - 10 kids. they said they had tried taking part time, but found it was more unsettling for the child, and if they were doing activities that ran over more than one day, it was difficult for them to finish with the child.

I was thinking send to 5 sessions now because now i am exhausted, and when i have my strength back i may be sending 5 sessions at that point anyway?

Part time seems a compromise though, and means money freed up for cleaning help! But being in walking distance is also really great.

But if i send 5 x week, it really will mean my day with her is short/rushed. Though there is a lot of holidays, and weekends, and soon she will drop her nap. oh dear...

OP posts:

juliab · 01/02/2006 19:03

You know what, Olek? I think maybe you just need to make a decision and be done with it. Your dd sounds like the sort of child who would flourish at playgroup, whatever the set up or the number of days, and you sound like you could do with worrying less! I don't think any decision you make about this will be a disaster: if she doesn't settle or you miss her too much, you don't have to keep her at playgroup. Good luck with whatever you decide: I'm sure it'll turn out OK.

Original poster

olek · 01/02/2006 19:05

i think you have hit the nail on the head!

OP posts:

juliab · 01/02/2006 19:15

I'm glad (! was a bit worried when I re-read my message that you might think I was being rude!) I just remember how I felt when I had a toddler and a small baby - so knackered I really couldn't think straight at all and every decision seemed so monumental and bl*dy impossible! It it helps (and this is only my experience), I found putting the toddler in playgroup a godsend. He loved it from day one, I felt so much better for a less full-on morning, the baby seemed more chilled - and afternoons were lots of fun because we'd all being looking forward to each other's company all morning.

bundy · 01/02/2006 19:18

i agree with juliab, your posts have been much more about how you feel about your child going to a playgroup, rather than how she might gain lots of new friends and have new experiences

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