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Original poster

should i send my DD to playgroup? - advice please

62 replies

olek · 01/02/2006 12:21

Hi, i would really appreciate advice from mumsnetters. here is the story. I have a delightfull DD who is 2 and 1 month and a easygoing DS who is 3 weeks. I could send my dd to a playgroup round the corner for 3 hrs x 5 days a week.

In big dilema, as absolutely exhausted so could do with time to sleep in morning/catch up on housework. But i love having my DD around. She is a litle demanding mentally as toddlers are, but is such an adorable little girl and i love her company.

No point being a matyr as i ams sure my DH and DD want a relaxed mum. But dont want a short day with dd, as once she gets home she probably need a nap, and she would have had her stimulation away from me, so i get her at the tired end etc. (and she is so young)

I know the tiredness passes, but it might be a good ideato just spend time with DS a bit, at the moment he is very sidelined! and maybe have a tidy house too.

sorry its so long...in such a state (what will school decisions be like!!)

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Original poster
olek · 01/02/2006 20:19

certainly better to be missing my dd, then to be a harassed mum and wife!

OP posts:
Mercy · 01/02/2006 20:27

Give it a trial period. It's about how dd feels not anyone else. Sorry to be blunt but with such a young baby and a toddler, your role as a wife should be way down the list - mothers and children first!

Original poster
olek · 01/02/2006 20:42

the funny thing is, she was at the childminder from 14 months! at the time, she was sleeping in the morning, and i was going out my mind with boredom, so went back to work. financially it made sense too.

didn't feel bad about sending her- she slept most of the time. After the summer, she needed to sleep later, so she was coming home and then sleeping. thats when i started worrying about playgroup.

one mum today said to me, send her, and the best thing is, she will need to sleep for hours after. i wanted to say to her, if thats the point, why do u have kids?

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JustBonnie · 02/02/2006 14:32

I found it really hard when dd1 stopped her afternoon nap. It coincided with the arrival of her new baby sister. It was really hard trying to keep her entertained all day as well as coping with the demands of a new baby. I've left it a few months and now she's at playgroup for those 2 afternoon sessions a week. I miss her but it gives me some quality time with the baby without feeling that she might be getting jelous. i try not to fuss over dd2 too much when dd1's around!

Original poster
olek · 02/02/2006 20:02

well today was one of the first few days own my own without family to help. i am EXHAUSTED. DD ran away in asda carpark while i was putting the baby in the car. how on earth do u go to the supermarket with two? it was terrifying.

She didn't sleep either!

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 02/02/2006 20:06

Hi Olek, I had the same 2 year gap as you and was similarly conscious of enjoying and wanting my time with dd1, as well as a bit of time one-one with dd2, and more time for a bit of housework etc. I also had the option of playgroup 5 mornings a week - and turned it down for similar reasons as you cite. BUT dd1 carried on at the childminder she had been going to when I was working - at first 2 days from about 10-4 until I got over the shock of 2 and then just 2 mornings. It was the right compromise for me and I would have probably collapsed in a heap without it.

Original poster
olek · 02/02/2006 20:42

ideally i would keep her at the childminder, but she has sort of outgrown it, and it would cost a lot more. I have realized that i definately should send her out a least a bit.

the dilema now is if to send her two mornings a week, where i need to go in the car. If i increase it later to 4, i will definately be frustrated at having not sent her locally.

I could send her locally but would need to send her 5 mornings a week from the start.

The one nearer is more structured as she is gearing it for children who are 3 or turning 3. The one further is more laid back. I am not sure which is best!

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Original poster
olek · 02/02/2006 20:43

ps. really grateful for everyone's input.

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Enid · 02/02/2006 20:43

ahhh

stay at home with her if you like it

send her to nursery when she is 3

Original poster
olek · 02/02/2006 20:49

well today, when she ran away, i felt really fustrated and wanted to smack her. I didn't because i would never smack in anger (i hope). Felt really bad over it, as ive never wanted to smack her before.

Realized was probably due to being scared for her safety, and being overtired.

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Enid · 02/02/2006 20:51

send her two mornings until she's 3 then rethink

you can move her then to the 5 mornings one

LIZS · 02/02/2006 20:56

olek, think you are being too hard on yourself and her. Running away is very common and atm you aren't upt to chasing after her because you are tired, anxious and stressed by also having a new born. She will test the boundaries to find where hse fits into the new family set-up and perhaps if she is already feeing like that, now sending her to a playgroup just now may not be such a good idea. It won't be like this forever and you could probably do without the added pressure of having to get all of you up , dressed and to playgroup every morning. Just feel now is not a good time to rush such a decision and she is very young anyway.

LIZS · 02/02/2006 20:58

oh, and agree with enid . You could always move her when she is ready to do more.

poppiesinaline · 02/02/2006 21:55

I have always sent mine to playgroup but only for 2 mornings a week - 5 is quite alot I think. I felt like I needed 'time out' from them and was much better for it. And when No 2 was born, it gave me some time with just her without a mad toddler zooming around. But if you are happy with her at home with you I wouldn't worry. She will be off to nursery before you know it. Delay those early morning school runs for as long as you can!! Really doesn't matter either way - do what works for you. Sorry, that s probably no help at all! Could you maybe put her name down but send her after Easter. When baby is a bit older and more demanding you may appreciate a little bit of one to one time with him. Just a thought.

Original poster
olek · 02/02/2006 21:57

oh dear, feeling so exhausted, 2 quiet mornings doesnt seem enough...

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joanna4 · 04/02/2006 13:04

I work in reception we were talking about this the other day you can always tell the children who stayed at home with mum exclusively from the ones who have mixed with peers in settings like playgroup.Much less fussy coming in with friends they have made at these plaCES TOO THINK ON IT FOR LONGER TERM ISSUES IF NOTHING ELSE.

joanna4 · 04/02/2006 13:07

Ooops sorry one of my dogs hit the caps lock lol.

coppertop · 04/02/2006 13:45

2yrs 1mth sounds very young to be going to playgroup 5 mornings a week. Most places round here won't take children until they're at least 2yrs 6mths - and even then it's only for a couple of mornings a week.

Ds2 started in September when he was 2yrs 7mths, doing just 2 mornings a week. He's extremely active and loves it there but is only just ready to handle 3 mornings a week. Much better to let them settle in gradually IMHO.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 04/02/2006 23:58

What about a cleaner with the playgroup money and do nice things together as a family each morning?

Sending away your dd at the absolute best age (as far as I am concerned) to playgroup to leave you with a 3 week old and a pile of ironing and a bath to clean sounds like my idea of a living nightmare.

juuule · 05/02/2006 08:50

I'm sure you've already thought of it, but as regards Asda car park, put dd into her carseat before you put baby into the car. That way she will not be able to run off. Or, if it's not raining fasten her in the trolley seat. Deal first with the one who can run off.

Personally, I would keep her at home for now. Taking her to playgroup just adds another thing to do to the day. Having to be on time and such. I would find it more stressful. Your baby is only 3weeks old. While you might feel overwhelmed at the moment another 3 weeks and things might be a lot different. You will be in more of a routine and more used to each others ways, your dd included. You might find that it's really nice all being together. Give yourself time and it will all fall into place. And as for housework - only the bare minimum required at this point. Sit and read with your dd while holding ds. My experience has been that 3week old babies sleep and feed mostly.
(yes I know there's the crying and carrying thing). But I have found that focus on yourself and the little ones in the early weeks brings rewards with them feeling more secure later. You need time to recover. Your dd needs to adjust to ds being around and ds needs to adjust to life outside the womb. No mean feat for you all and it doesn't happen overnight. But a few weeks from now and you'll be an expert.

Auntymandy · 05/02/2006 08:58

sending her when you have just had a baby may cause problems too.

Original poster
olek · 05/02/2006 12:50

my dh could drop her off to playgroup as thats when he goes in to college!

re asda carpark, i couldn't find parking near where you park the trollies and would never leave my kids in the car while i put the trolley back. I can't put my toddler in the car first as i am holding the baby. So i put baby in the car, strapped toddler in and then put baby in comfortably - and my toddler still managed to run away

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Original poster
olek · 05/02/2006 13:27

can't we all enjoy being together in the afternoon?

she is more or less dropping her nap and i seem to have swung from one extreme to the other, now i am so exhausted i am thinking, why not try sending her, she may love it and then everyone is a winner. If she doesnt enjoy it, i could always stop her and try again in a while.

The local lady did say she wants to meet my dd first to see if she feels she is ready to join the group.

just feeling a bit guilty as most people think 5 mornings is a lot...

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Auntymandy · 05/02/2006 17:24

lots of babies go into full day child care. So its a personal choice. My worry would be that she feels pushed out as you are sending her just after a new baby has arrived.
Things will settle down in time. It is hard work, but you will find your way to make life easier.
do you have friends that could watch them whilst you go shopping. I'd help, if you lived near by

bobbybobbobbingalong · 05/02/2006 17:34

Still think you should get the cleaner and get dh to do asda (or go on your own or with the baby only) and see if you feel better.